Like Walking On Eggshells

Do you talk about your sex life with your best friend? Do you tell your best friend what makes you blow up or extremely happy? Are you sharing every single thought with your best friend? Or do you keep secrets? How far do you go?

I very often wonder how much friends actually share with each other. How much friends open up to each other, if they really talk about there biggest inner struggles, worries and issues in their life.

I have great friends. Friends I truly love and I truly trust. But I don’t share everything. I don’t talk about my sex-life with my best friend and I don’t share info about waxing, tattoos or piercings in lower regions (or not) with them. I find it is too private. And although they are my best friends and I consider them part of my inner circle, there are things that are still private. Still my very own.

I don’t expect my friends to share utmost personal stuff with me either. They share what they want to share. And that is okay.

Having said that, I actually wonder to which point I feel obliged to share information with my friends. How far should I go? How far do I have to go?

Years ago, a very good friend got cheated on by her partner. Everyone knew. And if I say everyone, I mean everyone. But nobody told her. She was best friend with another friend of mine (let’s call her M). When I asked M, if she told her friend about the cheating partner. She said no. She said, that she was not sure yet if it would be the right thing to do. She was worried, that it might affect her friendship, but also worried that not telling her might do exactly the same thing. Big dilemma!

What would I do in a situation like this? Honestly, I don’t know. I know of a friend of mine, who might have a fling. But then he is not that close to me and so is his partner. So I feel like it is none of my business. But what if it would be a close friend of mine. What if it would be my best friend? Would I tell?

I am not sure if I would. I think I would probably approach the cheating partner first, make that partner tell my friend. And only if I would be 100% sure. Would I tell my friend if the partner would not do it? I probably would. Even if I would risk my friend getting angry at me.

In the end it is what I would want my friend to do. And it is what true friendship is all about, right? You should be there for each other, be honest. And even if you don’t open up entirely, you still are there for your friend and support your friend no matter what. And this also means to be honest even if it might be unpleasant.

How bad would it feels, if you would find out that your partner cheated on you and then you find out, that your best friend knew and never told you. Kind of betrayal all over again, right?

Now in saying that… I just wonder… would that also mean that you should tell your friend EVERYTHING about you, your thoughts? No. It is more the sticking up for your friend that matters. Right?

Friendship is a wonderful but complicated thing, isn’t it. Sometimes it is like walking on eggshells. You want to do everything right and sometimes you don’t. Kind of like in a relationship. In the end this is what a strong friendship is: A relationships. With all the ups and downs, the laughter and the tears. The sunny and the rainy days. As individuals and in a team.

It is like a dance. You try to be in sync, and at the same time you try not to step on each others’ toes. You don’t want to hurt each other or do anything wrong.

It is the Waltz, the Tango, the Samba and Salsa and maybe sometimes even a bit of Capoeira 😉

8 thoughts on “Like Walking On Eggshells

  1. I think everybody has a right (even a *responsibility* to themselves?) to have something of their own. Their own secrets, thoughts, etc. Privacy. True friends should be fine with that imo… but then, I could be wrong about that. After all, I honestly haven’t found any that tolerate my reserved nature in the long run, or my lack of a need for their support when it comes to inner turmoil or struggles. People seem to take offense if you don’t share whatever they’ve conceptualized as “enough” of yourself with them. I always seem to fall short, ’cause I’m pretty much an open book (ask and I’ll probably tell, or on rare occasions I’ll make a point of saying I won’t answer… but that’s *really* rare), but I don’t feel the need to volunteer a lot of stuff that I guess people regard as normal things to share contantly with one another, if they’re friends. *shrugs* Anyways….

    I like how you use the word relationship for friendship 🙂 . I like thinking in those terms for pretty much all my relations (family, friends, scum of the earth lol, all different kinds of relationships in their own way).

    Sorry for the tangent haha, all I I really wanted to say when I decided to leave a comment is:

    Awesome post 😀 .

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for all of what you said! It is very interesting, isn’t it! How people have different views of how things should be! Like how often you should touch base to be agood friend and how much you should share… People are interesting!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have certain friends that I tell things to — but it has to be in the right situation and I have to be confident that they’re not going to betray my trust. I’m in a book club with 10-12 other women. When we began there were 3-4 in the group who I considered very close friends. The others were just acquaintances but I’ve gotten to know them better as we’ve met monthly for the past two years. I’m very open about myself and am usually comfortable telling things that are somewhat personal, like waxing — or other forms of, um, maintenance. I’m less comfortable sharing if it impacts my husband. I don’t share a lot with others that’s super-personal about our sex life because he would be mortified. He’s way more private about that stuff than I am. It also depends on who I’m talking to. Some people aren’t comfortable hearing that kind of stuff and I don’t want to be known as that person who chronically overshares. We’ve had to be mindful because certain topics have come up and the majority pretty much say whatever they want and there’s the assumption that it will stay private. We were discussing waxing one time and actually got into a detailed discussion on our private Facebook page. When we met in person at our monthly meeting, this discussion came up again and most of us laughed about the various things we had shared online. One woman was very forthcoming in person but she hadn’t shared at all on the private FB page. She said she just didn’t feel comfortable doing so but was okay talking about it in person. I guess people are really different in regards to what they share.

    Another example: this morning I walked with a woman I consider a close friend. She and I discussed some very personal things that happened to us in our past. It was a good conversation. We also discussed the fact that our husbands want sex more than we do these days and we often feel torn — we want to give them love in the way they need, yet if we’re annoyed because we’re doing it when we don’t want to, then we feel like we’re sacrificing OUR needs for their satisfaction. So… I guess based on that conversation, I do discuss my sex life with my friends. I draw the line at specifics that we do in the bedroom. I’m not saying I’d never discuss it, but that’s pretty personal and I feel it’s best left in private. However, I know women who do discuss these things.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have two very close friends I’ve known my whole life. We’ve known each other so long that we don’t have to “tell” each other everything, we can sense each other’s happiness and sadness and know how to be there for each other in the tough times. The harder friendships are the new ones that take time and effort to grow, it can be difficult to find the right balance of openess and vulnerability without crossing into overshare territory.

    http://www.oneeggnest.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You’ve raised some interesting questions. What if the cheating partner had infected the friend with a STD? What if the “other” woman/man had been underage? What if the friend does know the partner is cheating but can’t admit it to anyone (whether from shame, or even fear due to abuse and/or emotional manipulation from the cheating spouse)? What about any children involved? How are they affected if the cheating continues?

    I think it’s a matter of treating the friend like we ourselves would want to be treated in this situation. Probably, it’s better to confront the cheater, or at least sit down for a serious talk, and ask what’s really going on. Ask more questions than make accusations; listen even more. (Who’s to say that the cheater isn’t remorseful and wanting an opportunity to tell the spouse, but afraid of doing so?) Then, if the situation warrants it, telling the friend would be appropriate. But I’m not a counselor, so I’m only saying what makes sense to me. It may not make sense to anyone else! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, those questions would be worth another post! You are totally right. There is no black and white to it. So many grey zones to take into consideration! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

      Like

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