Do you talk about your sex life with your best friend? Do you tell your best friend what makes you blow up or extremely happy? Are you sharing every single thought with your best friend? Or do you keep secrets? How far do you go?
I very often wonder how much friends actually share with each other. How much friends open up to each other, if they really talk about there biggest inner struggles, worries and issues in their life.
I have great friends. Friends I truly love and I truly trust. But I don’t share everything. I don’t talk about my sex-life with my best friend and I don’t share info about waxing, tattoos or piercings in lower regions (or not) with them. I find it is too private. And although they are my best friends and I consider them part of my inner circle, there are things that are still private. Still my very own.
I don’t expect my friends to share utmost personal stuff with me either. They share what they want to share. And that is okay.
Having said that, I actually wonder to which point I feel obliged to share information with my friends. How far should I go? How far do I have to go?
Years ago, a very good friend got cheated on by her partner. Everyone knew. And if I say everyone, I mean everyone. But nobody told her. She was best friend with another friend of mine (let’s call her M). When I asked M, if she told her friend about the cheating partner. She said no. She said, that she was not sure yet if it would be the right thing to do. She was worried, that it might affect her friendship, but also worried that not telling her might do exactly the same thing. Big dilemma!
What would I do in a situation like this? Honestly, I don’t know. I know of a friend of mine, who might have a fling. But then he is not that close to me and so is his partner. So I feel like it is none of my business. But what if it would be a close friend of mine. What if it would be my best friend? Would I tell?
I am not sure if I would. I think I would probably approach the cheating partner first, make that partner tell my friend. And only if I would be 100% sure. Would I tell my friend if the partner would not do it? I probably would. Even if I would risk my friend getting angry at me.
In the end it is what I would want my friend to do. And it is what true friendship is all about, right? You should be there for each other, be honest. And even if you don’t open up entirely, you still are there for your friend and support your friend no matter what. And this also means to be honest even if it might be unpleasant.
How bad would it feels, if you would find out that your partner cheated on you and then you find out, that your best friend knew and never told you. Kind of betrayal all over again, right?
Now in saying that… I just wonder… would that also mean that you should tell your friend EVERYTHING about you, your thoughts? No. It is more the sticking up for your friend that matters. Right?
Friendship is a wonderful but complicated thing, isn’t it. Sometimes it is like walking on eggshells. You want to do everything right and sometimes you don’t. Kind of like in a relationship. In the end this is what a strong friendship is: A relationships. With all the ups and downs, the laughter and the tears. The sunny and the rainy days. As individuals and in a team.
It is like a dance. You try to be in sync, and at the same time you try not to step on each others’ toes. You don’t want to hurt each other or do anything wrong.
It is the Waltz, the Tango, the Samba and Salsa and maybe sometimes even a bit of Capoeira 😉