Equal love for your kids?

There is one question bugging me for quite a while now: Can you love all your kids equally?

Although “made with the same ingredients” your little ones end up being totally different persons with most probably completely different personalities. And therefor it is not really surprising if I just put it out there and say: No, your love for your kids will not be the same for all of them!

Shocked? It is a tricky subject, isn’t it?

As I said before, your kids will end up having different personalities. In my case that means, that my daughter is a social butterfly, a diplomat and kind of a hostess. She is an artist, a dancer, a singer, a creative mind. Very leveled. Like her dad (not the dancer… I am talking about being leveled…) My son is more of a thinker, a deep thinker. The scientist type of athlete… But with more of an explosive temperament. Like me…

Although they are so similar in so many ways, they are also totally different. And that is how it is meant to be. Otherwise it would be kind of boring. But that also means that personalities can clash.

It is the same in relationships, friendships and business. So why should that not also include a parent and child relationship? In a family of four there are four different personalities. Only two of them actually got to decide it they want to and can deal with each other. The other two were kind of thrown into the mix. There is no way to decide if they will fit in or not, right?

So what are the chances? What are the chances that the personality of the mom might clash with the personality of the son. Or any other given combination… A risk you kind of take when having kids, as you never know who you will end up meeting.

It is a tricky question, is ‘t it? I mean, who wants to admit that they love one child more than the other or that they get along with one better than with the other. And still, the chances that this might be the case are huge.

In my case it is clear that my son and I have the tendency to clash, as we are just too similar in so many ways. But then we also sort of complete each other. We team up in moments nobody would expect it.

My daughter and I never really clash. It is not her nature and we don’t wife each other up the way it can happen with my boy.

And that could lead to the idea that I love her more.

But it is not the case.

I would never want to choose between the two of them. I know where the tricky points in the relationship with my baby boy are and I love them as much as I love the smooth ride with my little princess. They are different persons and therefor it is only normal that my love for them is different. But never ever is the intensity of the feeling different or on a different level!

And I guess that is what people mean by saying “equal love”. Although I love their different personalities in a different and unique way, the intensity of my feelings for them is equal.

And therefor I change my answer to yes and no!

No, your love for your kids will ever be the same. But yes, the intensity of the feeling will always be equal.

And now I really hope that you truly understand what I mean… 🙂

Thanks, Mellow and Wildling, for speaking out what others think and therefor inspiring me for this post

19 thoughts on “Equal love for your kids?

  1. My love for each of my children is different. They each need different things from me. I find I love the one I am with at the moment most deeply. That is the root of sibling rivalry. Life is much easier now they are grown.

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  2. Now, I have always said you shouldn’t have favourites and I have to confess that I do. My favourites are our children not my step children because they are horrible and even now aged nearly 40 one of them acts like a teenager having a strop. Seriously though, I think it is a different love for each child. I remember worrying when I was pregnant with our son that I couldn’t love another child but then I realised when he was born that each brings their own bundle of love with them so it doesn’t share what love you had for your other kids.

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  3. Wow, I admire your courage in sharing this post! My mom would never in a million years love my brother or me more than the other…or would she??? Time to share this post over email 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love isn’t something you measure by the pound and dish out by the spoonful. Children all have different needs and personalities, and it’s difficult to get the balance exactly right. One offspring will always think another is the favourite which can lead to squabbles, clashes and jealousy.
    I feel Love is a complicated array of emotions, temperament and time consuming, and I think that if, as a parent, you are there for your offspring when they need you, your support, or your guidance, that is half the battle. (Thus speaketh she who has no kids of her own and currently forgotten if not ignored by her family.)

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  5. If love is the deep commitment to their best, than I love my kids equally. If it’s the ease I feel around them, than it is personality driven. My mum and sis get along easily, very similar in taste and outlook and hobbies. Whereas mum and I had to meet on a spiritual level to understand and enjoy each other, but it is so worth it! Thanks for the thoughtful post!

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  6. When my older daughter got to be a teen, we clashed. I loved her dearly, but sometimes she drove me crazy! A friend suggested I write down what I liked about her. So I did. It really helped me to “like” her as much as I loved her. I didn’t love one daughter more than the other, but the liking was harder. However, with the list, even liking became easier!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Love – #atozchallenge | A Momma's View

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