It is the time of the year when everybody seems happy and everything seems cheerful and bright. But it is not always like that. Some people get hit hard by reality during this time of the year. The time when family should gather together and celebrate. The time when laughter, hugs and kisses should full your home. The time when your home should feel like a home.
But many this is not the case. A break up or a divorce or separation is looming over their heads and the time that should be so beautiful becomes hard, lonely and grey.
What happens to the happily ever after? Where does it go wrong?
Can you really pinpoint the reason why a relationship goes south?
In most cases there will be something that triggers the last step but the downfall of the team had started way earlier. At least this is what I believe.
A recent post by Mindful Digressions triggered all those thoughts in me. People stop talking, they stop listening and they stop communicating…
The honeymoon feeling is over, the honeymoon is over and the reality hits. The reality hits, that your partner might not end up being so totally perfect as you pictured him or her. They have their little edges too. And so do you. And they suddenly come out.
I guess what happens often is that you try to brush it off, you try to move on, hoping, that “the old” person would be back. What you might ignore at this stage is, that “the old” person was never the real person.
Honestly, when we are interested in someone and start dating, we try to sell something. We try to sell a picture of us that hopefully suits the ideas of the other one. We try to sell the best we can be. We would never go out on a date grumpy and maybe without taking a shower because we can just not be bothered. We would never go out in our track-pants just because it is more comfortable. And while we are dating we still pull ourselves together and try to present the best possible side of ourselves to our date, we can possible manage to be, even if we feel more comfortable and maybe cut ourselves some slack.
But once we are in a long relationship we start to relax, we show our weak spots and we maybe don’t pull ourselves together all the time anymore. And you know what: For me, that is what a true relationship is meant to be. You are meant to be you and so is your partner.
Of course it is a wake up for both involved. But if you are truly in love with this person than you probably love him or her even more.
I wonder why people stop talking. So many times you hear that couples have drifted apart. So many times you hear that he did not listen or she did not talk or a misunderstanding here and there. And so often when you ask, you actually get the answer “I thought that…” or “If I would have know…”
Where does the communication go?
Man and woman are so totally different and, hell yeah, we speak a different language. And exactly for this reason it is so important to communicate, to talk and to listen. And to speak out what is bothering you. How would your partner be able to know what is bothering you if you don’t talk about it. If you always answer that you are fine, hoping he would realize that you are missing something. Why not speaking it out?
Why not telling him (or her) that you would like it if he would buy you flowers, or if she would hug and kiss you goodbye? Why not telling him or her, that you would love to go out every now and then, or that you would appreciate it if he would cook you dinner every so often?
Why do we always think that our partner is a mind reader? Why do we think we can read minds?
See, I think this is a dangerous place to be in. This miscommunication or the lack of communication might not be huge in the beginning of a relation but it will creep up on you over time. And it might as well suddenly hit you. If you add gram after gram after gram you will eventually get your kilogram…
If you truly love someone and you know that this person is the right person for you, start talking, start asking, start listening. Start now. You might prevent issues in the future.