serenityI was longing for so long, longing for something I did not have. There was an emptiness inside of me, a place that needed to be filled. My life was good, my friends were great and I was happy in my relationship. But still something was missing. There was this one space in my heart which still remained ‘unoccupied’.

I was happy, felt good with who I was and where I was in my life. Still there was this longing, longing for something I could not define. Maybe the best way is to call it homesickness. But how could I be homesick, if I was at home? I was in a long distance relationship for a while and the feeling was very similar. I was longing to see him again, homesick in a way, although I was home, as home was not perfect without him being there. But that was in my past. Now I lived with my husband under one roof, loved the home we lived in, enjoyed each others company, our friends, our life. And still it felt very similar to what I felt during this previous relationship.

Why? What was missing in my life?

It took a move around the world to realize that I would not miss the place I grew up and the country I’ve spent my life in so far. It took a huge move with my husband, our son and our dog and our belongings in tow and another trip to realize what was missing in my life.

I found my place in this world. I found the place I apparently belong to. The longing inside of me got less ever since we arrived in Down Under, yet it still never disappeared until that one trip. A trip that we initially did not plan on doing. A place we did not make plans to visit and still ended up going to. People we met there and who we now consider family.

Now I know what I am longing for. I know where I can find it and I know I will go back again. It does not matter that it is not (yet) our home. Maybe it will never be, maybe it will one day. It does not matter. I know what belongs in this little space in my heart and it is there now. Cherished.

I wonder if you have been there too. If you are longing for something you don’t know yet what it is, if you figured out what is missing or if you found the place you belong to.

It was not easy for me to admit to the fact that there was still an emptiness inside of me, as I felt I had everything and even more when our daughter was born. Everything came together. Everything was finally perfect. I was with the right man, living in Australia making new friends as mom of two healthy and wonderful kids. And still. I struggled to admit that there was still something missing, as I had it all. And it seemed such a strange feeling to be so totally happy and yet feeling this longing.

Now looking back how we ended up in that place I realize it was meant to be. Once more life took us on a journey and brought us to the right place. Interesting enough, when I mentioned my feelings to my husband while we were there, he admitted on feeling the same way. And we apparently both found that missing piece. And it makes me wonder about life and the crazy connections you have with people or places once more.

So there is something to work towards to. Something we can have as a goal in both of our lives, as a couple, as a family, as a unit. The journey to get to the place where we both feel truly at home and hopefully our kids will feel it too. And if we will not get to the point where we can call it home, at least we now know where to find it. And each and every time we go there, can take a little bit of it home with us.

I tried to find a comment of one of my followers on a post of mine but unfortunately couldn’t find it. My follower mentioned something similar to being homesick for a place and gave it a name. Unfortunately I don’t remember this name or the post the comment was made. So if you are here, reading this, I would appreciate it if you could let me know again. I need a word for this.

16 thoughts on “Longing

  1. Beautiful. I struggled – actually still struggle – with severe longing. More of an emptiness. I love success stories. So happy you found your place.
    If you are interested in musings of a madman, feel free to check out mine!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This resonates with me. I hope you find the word, I will be interested in know it as well. I am very happy with all of the people in my life. But I do long….for something. A place and a “doing”. I know there is something I’m supposed to be doing….. And I long to be doing it. It sounds silly, I just don’t know what it is yet. Though I love all that I do now….it’s not all that I’m supposed to be …. I get this….what you meant. I think.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Hirath « Cognitive Reflection

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