Thank you so much, Ritu from But I Smile Anyway, for sharing your story with us. Funny how some people find each other and how clear it is for both of them in some cases, that they are meant for each other…
I met Hubby Dearest at university. We were both in other relationships at the time, and obviously not happy. He is younger than me, and was a couple of years below me. His house mate was seeing my flat mate. I remember Beth a little tiddly, and mentioning to my friend that he makes me feel funny inside when I see him…actually I was more graphic than that, but I’m too embarrassed to write the real words!! Needless to say, she told her then boyfriend, and it spiraled down to HIS ears…
How embarrassing! We’d meet at different places and embarrassed smiles were exchanged. I invited him to watch me performing at a fashion show I was taking part in, jokingly. It went well. He came, but drank too much because of nerves, and had to leave early! He invited me for drinks for his birthday to TGI Fridays and I bought him a couple of cocktails, including a Fling, and I did offer to have a Fling with him (brazen hussy, I know!) We slowly realized, over the next few weeks that our feelings for each other weren’t a joke, a crush, or sexual, but something deeper. Our other relationships were ended, and we fell deep into each other. Marriage was even discussed quite quickly. You see, I was in my final year and as an Indian girl, once uni was finished, at that time, marriage was the next step. I didn’t want to be coerced into anything, feeling how I did about HIM, and it appeared that he felt the same about me…
We decided that I would tell my mum about him.. Send the feelers out to see what the olds thought of the situation… Luckily for us we were both the same background, religion etc, but my family hailed from Kenya. And his was pure India!
After a lot of to-ing and frow-ing, I managed to tell my mum, and she actually loved everything she heard about him! “Now you need to tell your Papa…!” No no no!! I couldn’t tell my Pops!! It would shatter the illusion of being his Little Girl, me, having a boyfriend! One evening, she nudged the conversation along, “Papa, your daughter has something she wants to tell you…” I actually kicked my mum!
Put on the spot, the issue was raised… And the world didn’t end! Pops was quite happy, he asked all sorts of questions about HIS family and background, most of which I didn’t know. I mean, I loved HIM for him, not for the other stuff, but hey!
Next step, he met my brother first. We went out for lunch, and my brother did the protective thing, as best he could, being younger than us all, and to.d me he was definitely better than any other previous he had met!!
Then he met my parents, who LOVED him! Thank goodness!
I finished uni, spent 6 months at home away from him but constantly on the phone and writing to each other. Then, with my parents blessing, I moved back to where our uni was. He was still studying. “It’ll be cheaper paying your rent, than the phone bills!” My Pops said!
The next step was telling his parents. Now this was almost harder! You see, his parents are a little more traditional, and not only was he telling them he had met someone himself, she was also OLDER!!! Ooooohhhh!!
So, before the parents were told, his big brother was dispatched to visit, and ‘check me out’… This was scary, because I had seen pictures and the guy was like HIM but about 10 times bigger! Seriously, it was like someone had taken a pump and inflated my Hubby Dearest! Taller, wider, scarier! Oh, and the small fact that HE wasn’t going to be there when brother arrived! HE had an assignment to hand in at the same time. So, I saw this HUGE silhouette at the door when the bell rang, and opened the door to Big Brother!
And he questioned me, and my intentions, yes seriously! Did I want to get married? Was I messing his brother around? (So funny, this is usually what a girls brother would say to a guy!) then after about half an hour, just before HE came back, he caved. “God that was so hard! I’m sorry, I just had to be sure, so when I tell mum and dad, I can be sure, but I’m happy, you seem like a nice girl, and you genuinely love HIM!” Seeing us together cemented things in his head and so off he went, with the task of mentioning the fact that his little brother had ‘met someone’.
The following weekend the two brothers broached the subject with HIS parents and I guess there were many questions, and they wanted to meet me too. This was arranged and my, how nervous was I!!!
Still, it can’t have been all bad, considering where we are 18 years later!
The parents meeting was even funnier! Because it wasn’t an arranged marriage, there was no middle man, who could get conversation started, so they took time to start talking. Me and HIM stood giggling, in the kitchen!
Well, things went well, and we did indeed find people that both families knew, so they wanted to talk to their sources to make sure the other family was ok. (It’s an Indian thing!)
And our engagement, and wedding was arranged!
After marriage, we lived with HIS parents for a good 8 years, they helped us, supported us so much, my two lil uns were born there too.. So much help from my Mother In Law, (thank you MIL!) then we finally ventured out into the world of property.
So, 18 years on, I can’t complain. I love my Hubby Dearest very much, more and more each day!
We have our very own roof over our heads,
2 beautiful children
Food on the table
And each other.
I know we annoy the heck out of each other some times, but that’s love, isn’t it?!