When I read April’s post the other day I could so relate to what she was saying and where she was coming from. So often you do and run and fix and clean and hug and wash up and in that very moment, when you think that finally you can sit down and breathe, it all starts again. You feel like you need a clone or more hands, arms and legs to stay on top of things. This keeps us busy enough but then there is something else. Something, I can still not really put a name on it. Something that still seems so strange to me. I tried to figure it out for years now, but I am just not getting there…
Maybe we should call it the ‘Mom Effect’. Does it happen in your house too? We are a bit of a strange household with both of us parents being at home usually. And so I thought it might not happen to me. I thought the fact that my husband works from home and is the teacher of our kids in our home school might shift things slightly. But I was wrong…
Of course it is normal that I get asked what’s for breakfast, snack, lunch or dinner. Of course it is normal that I get asked what we do next or when we will see so and so again. Of course it is normal that I get approached when hungry or thirsty. It’s normal when I am at home. It’s normal when I am there, cleaning, washing, cooking, just doing my chores.
But do you have any idea how often I come back home and I am not through the door just yet and there it is already? This ‘mom, can I have this or do that’ question? Do you have any idea how often my husband sits right there, next to them, as they have only just finished school? You should see the look in his face! It’s that kind of ‘hey, why don’t you ask me?’ look.
I guess we both don’t get it. And I am really trying to understand what triggers that feeling of having to ask mom for whatever they want or need… Do you think it is in the genes? Do you think it has anything to do with us carrying them under our heart and giving birth to them, providing what they need for such a long time? Is it really that? Can it be?
For a long time I thought it was the fact that the dad is out all day, working and the mom is there looking after the kids. But as I said, in our case it is not like this. So this theory goes right out the window. I really wonder what it is. I wonder what makes them wait until I’m back home from walking the dogs, exercising, grocery shopping or whatever and basically jump right on me, while they could have asked dad for I don’t know how long and how many times to get them what they would have liked to have. But they wait and wait and keep waiting. Waiting till mom is back…
Being a mom is hard work. As much fun as it is. It’s being everywhere at anytime and being there 100%. It’s knowing everything and being able to do everything. Solving problems, sewing cloths for the dolls or Barbies, fixing broken tiaras or bikes. It’s knowing everything about Pokémon or Minecraft. It’s being there with a band aid before they even get hurt. It’s about moving in lightening speed and be in multiple places at once. It’s about availability.
It triggers different feelings in me. For one I enjoy the attention. But then on the other side it is also a bit exhausting and it can be a bit of a task depending what I am doing at that very moment. Being a mom is indeed a full time job. It is not just this ‘Mom Effect’. It is this status we seem to have. This ‘Mom is a Super Woman’ status. I feel that it is sometimes really hard to understand for my kids, that I can not do everything at anytime and be everywhere. As much as I love the fact that they seem to think of me so highly, it actually kind of stresses me out. In a way I am letting them down if I can’t do the magic, ‘Super Woman’ could do and actually be this super hero. So all those little things, which they think I am able to do at once, don’t make me feel like a potential super woman with super powers but rather than an octopus. A stressed and rushed octopus. How different are those two… The ‘Super Woman’ in her hot boots and tight cloths and her cape, able to fly and do whatever she wants and needs to do without any struggle. And the octopus. Do I need to say anything? Who wants to be an octopus? I rather have the cape and the boots (although they don’t really look comfortable… still) than squirting ink when stressed out.
So where to go from here? Should I break the news that dad can get them there stuff as well and that I am not ‘Super Woman’? Or let them believe in the magical abilities of a ‘Super Mom’, who can get everything and do anything at anytime? I am not 100% sure just yet. The only thing I want them to believe for ever and ever is that I have laser views. That mom will see and know everything. And maybe I will even provide them with an evil laughter… Just because 😉
There will be so many times you feel like you’ve failed. But in the eyes, heart, and mind of your child, you are super mom. – Stephanie Precourt