Kids Are Kids… Or Parental Control

I really don’t get it. I really don’t! Why is it so difficult to control your kids? How can it be that, although some of them can barely talk, they walk all over their parents? Oh, and everyone else in the closer proximity… How can parents ignore their kids when they clearly misbehave, destroy stuff and make a hell of a noise?

noise

I am a mother. I know that kids sometimes need to move and, as much as I struggle with that saying, kids are kids. I struggle with it because it is misused as a cheap excuse for everything parents don’t want to deal with. A child bites another child: Kids are kids. A child hits another child: Kids are kids. You know what: Kids are kids when they run around and play. They are kids when they giggle and sometimes giggle a little bit too loud. They are kids when they play a game and maybe don’t understand the rules. But it should not be an excuse for “I can’t cope with this bullshit anymore”.

There is one day in my week, where I really really want to put my earplugs in and turn my music up and in a perfect world would probably just shut my eyes. Oh no, wait: In a perfect world nobody else would be there but the parents who know how to control their kids. Or better: Just the parents with the kids who have manners.

It’s that one day when I wait for my little girl. And I want to wait, because I want to watch her dance. I love to watch her dance. I love to watch the entire group dance. But I would love to do it in peace and quietness. Now let me tell you: It’s a Zoo! And only on this day. None of the others! It’s those two moms and their kids. I’ve never seen kids misbehave like this. Running around, into anybody who is in their way, screaming, running over the seats and the sofas, which are there for parents who wait, throwing shoes around and so on. And the parents just don’t give a rats ass!

Those women sit there on one of the sofas (they sit in front of the window which you could use to watch the girls dance) and chit chat in a volume that in itself is already, let’s say not to my liking as I usually like to hear myself think… It’s the combination of them speaking so loud and their kids going mental in the waiting area. Well I kind of understand that they have to talk so loud, as it is impossible to hear each other with the screaming of the boys…

Now today it got extra special. Today there was a dad I’ve never seen with two boys. While the usual screaming, running, loud talking is going on, he joins the party with his glorious offspring. Now he was on his phone, playing some game (I know because one of the boys asked him about the game) and one of his boys threw a tantrum. A six year old child throws a tantrum… because he can not have dad’s phone… The dad got up and walked off, leaving his boys there for 10 minutes before he returned, only to find one of them still on the floor screaming. Well… I guess it is better than killing the child. As you can see it got really exciting. The moms still taking full blast, their kids still running, screaming, jumping over sofas and throwing shoes and in the middle of it a six year old on the floor screaming and shouting and going nuts… Bliss!

It’s so hard sometimes. I try to tell myself that the kids are not the bad ones. That in the end it’s actually not their fault. But I tell you what I could sometimes just grab them and shake them and tell them to stop! I know, I am such a bad ass! It just makes me so mad. There is such a huge amount of disrespect. Disrespect for the property of someone else. Disrespect for the girls, who are dancing and their instructor. I am so sure they hear the noise. And disrespect for everyone else around.

I can’t tell you how often those kids have stepped on my foot or bumped into me. Not once there was a ‘sorry’. Not from the kids, not from the moms. And each time it was pretty obvious. But oh don’t dare to stop them and tell them! And I am nice. At least so far. I would not tell them off. I usually just say “Oh, be careful, you just stepped on my foot…”. They either ignore me or then they give me that ‘what do you want’ look and the moms go into ‘don’t talk to my child’ mode… And if you approach them about the fact that it is extremely loud they just give you the ‘if you don’t like it sit somewhere else’ look.

I stand my ground. I do. But sometimes it is pretty hard to. There is this fine line (or not so fine line) you just can’t cross when it comes down to the way other people raise their children. I understand that. I don’t like it either if someone tells me how I would have to raise mine. If mine would step on someones toes constantly or kick their shin or run into them, I would make sure they apologize… well no, I would not have to, as they would apologize right away.

People: I really don’t care how your kids behave at home. Not at all. But the moment you step out of your home I care as you step into my world as well. Your home = Your world and your rules. Outside of your home: OUR world. OUR rules. A world we share. And there are certain rules we all have to kind of apply to in order to get along and live peacefully and happily.

Now, if you don’t teach your kids respect and manners and behavior at home, how can you expect them to behave in public? If you ignore them constantly, how do they know that you care? If you don’t teach them at home that a conversation over a meal should not be a screaming contest, how should they know that they have to keep it down in a restaurant? If you don’t teach them that in some moments it is important to listen and sit still or be quiet, how should they know that when you are on a trip and on a flight they have to stay in their seats and buckled up at least for take off and landing?

It’s those ‘little’ things that have such a huge impact. Kids need to know that a no is a no and not a maybe. They need to know when it’s serious and when it’s not. They need to know when enough is enough. Is it really such a big effort to teach that to your kids? Where is the problem?

Maybe we are just lucky. Maybe it’s just the way our kids are. Maybe it’s the homeschooling…

No! It’s not. And yes, we might be lucky because they are just amazing little personalities, but all of our friends have amazing kids. And all of them are so well behaved and so well mannered. So it’s not the homeschooling and it is not a jackpot in the lottery of life (well it is). It is something we all do right.

We all care! We care about how our kids behave. We care if they have manners. And we care teaching them. There are no excuses like ‘I am not happy about it but that’s what they learn in school…’ or ‘I can just not be bothered anymore’. We care so much that we don’t care that we might have to argue with them, that sometimes it might be unpleasant to say no and easier to say yes. We care enough that we stay our ground even though we understand why they question our decision. Nobody ever said that parenting is easy. Seriously!

When you commit to be a parent, which you do the moment you decide to have your baby, you sign up for a 24/7 lifetime job. So you will have to bother for a little while longer. It is your responsibility to give your child the right tools. To guide it properly and into the right direction. Nobody else’s!

There is this one thing I wish all parents would teach their children. It’s respect. Such a little word, such a little thing but such a massive impact… So let those kids be kids but let them do it with respect!

50 thoughts on “Kids Are Kids… Or Parental Control

  1. Thank you for sharing this. I am relieved to know I’m not the only one who feels this way, although I’m sad that this phenomenon is happening all over the world. Although I don’t have children (yet), it baffles me when I see some folks who really don’t seem capable of being parents. Yes, all kids have meltdowns sometimes, and yes ‘kids will be kids.’ But if a parent can’t discipline his/her own child, then who will?
    Best wishes,
    Takami

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes! And you know what: If you do it right from the beginning it will not be as hard. We never had to send anyone in a naughty corner but when I told them that I count to three and then… they stopped right away. I still wait for the day they ask me “and then what?”… I guess I still wouldn’t know what to say 😉 Hehehe

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  2. I see it too on a daily basis and wonder why everyone about me does not connect this link of bad parenting to disrespectful damage inducing kids. I don’t care what the parents think if a kid stands on my foot, I will say, “Hey, hang on you wouldn’t like if I did that to you would you?” The kid normally stares me in the face and when he or she caves in they run for cover behind the parent. A parent did approach me one day and I told her the truth, boy, she did not like it and retreated in a hurry to reappear the following week and apologize to me.
    I think some people simply do not think. As for the ban on smacking, don’t get me started on that one!
    Wishing you a calm peaceful week,

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have this same conversation with my husband and family when we are out with my two children. We often have other parents come up to us asking how we have such well behaved kids, some even saying they are not “normal”, this happens especially in places like restaurants, libraries and museums. I always have to reply, well it is the way we have bought them up to know that there are places that you can just “be kids” and run wild and others where you need to show a little respect for the people around you. Manners and respect cost nothing, it is a shame that some parents do not realise that, but I guess it all comes back to how they were brought up! Great post and very thought provoking 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, yes, yes! Same here! So often in restaurants waiters tell us what a joy it was to have our kids around and then they start telling us stories (or we observed them prior) and yes, we got that feedback too from other guests. And it makes you proud. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙂

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  4. How true it all is…and I don’t think there is an answer…it’s been a slow slippery slide in the last 20 years, until now I honestly think that “kids run the show”….and we have created, in many, a sense of entitlement that hasn’t ever been present before….not sure how to get rid of it.

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  5. the more you try to control them the more you try to break the rules. i think key here is art of making them understand . yeah all of a sudden if you try to impose a new rule, chances are , they wont listen . but that also doesn’t mean you have let them do whatever rubbish they want

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  6. Normally, I would be with you on this one. But if I were, inevitably I would get caught at the playground, phone in hand and my kid would be acting like an asshole. Yes, I try to teach him respect. Yes, I am the one in control. But I can count on any time I get distracted and he acts up, there will be someone around to see.

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  7. I so much agree with your views here. If our children are stepping into other people’s domains and putting up with unruly behaviour then it puts a question mark on our parenting techniques. Children do what they do in order to seek attention and when they do not get it while doing good things they resort to negative behaviour. Our time, love and attention is all it takes.

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  8. no two parent-kids-reationships are equal…
    so no explicit rules will ever function…
    one has to go through “it” all by oneselves,
    no advice from other people will help!
    and is also not really needed…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Point taken. I’ve seen it too and wonder the same things you wondered about. I can tell pretty much the kinds of parents in the world by the way the kids behave. I’ve seen parents at the grocery store swearing a storm at their babies; how could it be. It’s sad. I’ve seen so many apathetic kids at school. But, we can be the little sunshine to make the world a nice place even if it is for our own sanity.

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  10. Found via the community pool
    This certainly sounds like a frustrating situation and you’re right that when something like this begins to infringe on your well-being you have the right to rant about it.
    But…. There is judgment occurring (esp. in the comments) about how “lazy” or bad the parents of those kids are. While that certainly could be the case, one must also think about the fact that maybe these parents do not have access to the same resources ($, spousal support, ability to stay home full time) that many other parents do. I think certainly we should encourage these parents to do better rather than berating them. Just my two cents.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh believe me, judging by the rings on the moms fingers and knowing what the school costs those kids go to (school uniforms) $ is not an issue there. Plus: My mother-in-law was/is a single mom who had to work hard to provide for them and still managed to teach my husband the right values. I agree that in certain situations you need other people to look after your children. That is not what I criticise here. As a parent it’s still your responsibility to teach the right values, teach respect. Thanks for your comment 🙂

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  11. Oh so good, so good and so true. Love your thoughts.

    I’m so super conscious of exactly the type of situation you write about too. I would make my child come back and apologise to someone for disturbing/knocking them. In fact it happened just the other day and the apology was waved away with a ‘don’t worry about it’, but I could see the tense, starting to get annoyed at my energetic kids’ game of tag (outside) mood lift at that point.

    Respect for the rest of the world we live in please. I think that a lot of parents might forget to tell their kids that life is not all about them [the kids].

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  12. I couldn’t agree with you more. However, I do have one caveat for you. I am a divorced daddy to a five year old son, he is goin’ through that “I’m gonna test daddy and see what I can get away with” stage. When he is with me, I correct him, teach him manners, make him understand that I am the parent and he is the child, etc, etc. Apparently, when he’s with his …… mother, he pretty much has the run of his life and she can’t (won’t) control him. That makes it extremely difficult for me when I get him back, it’s almost as if I have to start all over from the beginning with everything. Due to the current situation that my life is in right now, I don’t have much opportunity to take him out into the public, I’m not sure how often SHE does either. Everyone that knows my son loves him to pieces, he is a sweet young’un with a sweet personality but I’m afraid he’s not being taught and raised the right way when he’s not with me and there is nothing I can do about it, and this fact causes him to “act out” and I honestly don’t think he realizes it half the time because it’s “normal” at her house. So if you see a child that is goin’ bat shit crazy and the parent is tryin’ to calm him/her down, this may be the reason why. However, if the parent(s) aren’t doin’ anything but ignoring the little terrors then the problem lies with them, not the child(ren). Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

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