Blast From The Past – Like Walking On Eggshells

Recently a friend told me something I, honestly, would like to rather not know. I appreciate the fact that my friends thinks I am trustworthy enough to share something like this but my friend truly put me in a awkward situation. I wonder why we do things like this. Why we share certain things that might put a friend in an uncomfortable spot. Of course it’s not done on purpose and I guess in certain moments you just want to share things with someone you can count on.

Maybe I am strange but I think there are certain things you should not even share with your best friend. Sometimes because of you but sometimes also because of your friend and the way he or she might feel about it.

How much can and should you tell a friend really? And where do you draw a line? Those questions bother me for a long time now. Actually I wondered for all my life.

So here is a post about friendship I’ve written a little while ago. I wonder what you think about it. Where do you draw, if at all, the line?

Do you talk about your sex life with your best friend? Do you tell your best friend what makes you blow up or extremely happy? Are you sharing every single thought with your best friend? Or do you keep secrets? How far do you go?

I very often wonder how much friends actually share with each other. How much friends open up to each other, if they really talk about there biggest inner struggles, worries and issues in their life.

I have great friends. Friends I truly love and I truly trust. But I don’t share everything. I don’t talk about my sex-life with my best friend and I don’t share info about waxing, tattoos or piercings in lower regions (or not) with them. I find it is too private. And although they are my best friends and I consider them part of my inner circle, there are things that are still private. Still my very own.

I don’t expect my friends to share utmost personal stuff with me either. They share what they want to share. And that is okay.

Having said that, I actually wonder to which point I feel obliged to share information with my friends. How far should I go? How far do I have to go?

Years ago, a very good friend got cheated on by her partner. Everyone knew. And if I say everyone, I mean everyone. But nobody told her. She was best friend with another friend of mine (let’s call her M). When I asked M, if she told her friend about the cheating partner. She said no. She said, that she was not sure yet if it would be the right thing to do. She was worried, that it might affect her friendship, but also worried that not telling her might do exactly the same thing. Big dilemma!

What would I do in a situation like this? Honestly, I don’t know. I know of a friend of mine, who might have a fling. But then he is not that close to me and so is his partner. So I feel like it is none of my business. But what if it would be a close friend of mine. What if it would be my best friend? Would I tell?

I am not sure if I would. I think I would probably approach the cheating partner first, make that partner tell my friend. And only if I would be 100% sure. Would I tell my friend if the partner would not do it? I probably would. Even if I would risk my friend getting angry at me.

In the end it is what I would want my friend to do. And it is what true friendship is all about, right? You should be there for each other, be honest. And even if you don’t open up entirely, you still are there for your friend and support your friend no matter what. And this also means to be honest even if it might be unpleasant.

How bad would it feels, if you would find out that your partner cheated on you and then you find out, that your best friend knew and never told you. Kind of betrayal all over again, right?

Now in saying that… I just wonder… would that also mean that you should tell your friend EVERYTHING about you, your thoughts? No. It is more the sticking up for your friend that matters. Right?

Friendship is a wonderful but complicated thing, isn’t it. Sometimes it is like walking on eggshells. You want to do everything right and sometimes you don’t. Kind of like in a relationship. In the end this is what a strong friendship is: A relationships. With all the ups and downs, the laughter and the tears. The sunny and the rainy days. As individuals and in a team.

It is like a dance. You try to be in sync, and at the same time you try not to step on each others’ toes. You don’t want to hurt each other or do anything wrong.

It is the Waltz, the Tango, the Samba and Salsa and maybe sometimes even a bit of Capoeira 😉

25 thoughts on “Blast From The Past – Like Walking On Eggshells

  1. Hubby is my best friend and we talk about everything, we have no secrets from each other.
    Our dominoes friend is OUR best friend and we can talk about anything. He is a good sounding board if we are troubled (as we are for him) and he has always been there for us (likewise).
    However, there are some things that are forever private and not for third party ears. Friends know and appreciate that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. That are very great thoughts. My best friend and I know each other for 33 years now. I am very open. And so is she. Although I am a little more open…lol… Yes, I also talked with her about my sex-life but there was a certain reason. Also I don’t go into too delicate details. When my husband and I had our crisis I worried if I should tell her because she knows him well too. We all went to school together. But then I decided to do and she said I should never ever hesitate whatever it is. No matter, what I did, no matter what I intended to do. First and foremost I am her friend and she will always be on my side! Isn’t that wonderful? And I think totally the same. Whatever “mistake” one of us would do, the other one is on her side.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I talk to my close friends about my hopes, my fears, my dreams…anything work or life related with two nonbreakable rules- 1) I do not discuss my sex life and 2) I do not discuss any arguments I have with my husband. I do not want my friends to ever think less of my husband because I irresponsibly spoke out of anger. Most of my friends are also his friends, and his mine, so I don’t want any of them looking at one of us and feeling uncomfortable about anything they know about the other. I have had friends tell me things that I truly wish they did not for that very reason.

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  4. I tell my best friend a lot but not everything! I don’t talk about my sex life. I however would tell her if I found out her husband was cheating on her. She had a boyfriend that she was engaged to once and I suspected he was cheating. It did cause a riff between us as se was in denial but it turned out he was cheating, they broke up and now she has a wonderful husband and three kids! so in the end it all worked out.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t talk about my sex life because my sex life is also my husband’s sex life and my husband’s sex life is none of my friend’s business. I’m with you, I’d try to get the creep to tell on himself and if he wouldn’t, I would. Because I would want someone to tell me. Gently.

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  6. I’ve had two good friendships dwindle to an end because my friends told me about cheating on THEIR partners. I didn’t want to know; I didn’t want to be “understanding” and provide catharsis but there I was. Of course, ultimately (and as I expected) both friends reconciled with their partners but because I knew all about their affairs, they felt weird around me. In one case, my friend had told her husband that I’d advised her to stay with her husband. That cut no ice with him; he didn’t want me around his wife at all after that because I knew too much. Losing that friendship was really hard on me because she and I were close and had had lots of fun together for many years. I felt at the end that it hadn’t been a mutual friendship after all. I wondered if it had gone that way because I am almost old enough to be her mom so maybe she always half regarded me as a mom-like thing. I’ll never know — but now I do know what my boundaries are. So I would not tell a friend if I knew his/her partner was cheating on them. That would make me part of the pain when it got resolved. I would also not let my friend talk to me about it. I’d quite literally walk away if I had to.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think that you get to know who your true friends are through the bad and difficult experiences in your life. Perhaps sometimes we do share too much personal information with our best friends, but really, who else would you feel comfortable enough with to share your inner most secrets and thoughts? Having someone you can confide in, without judgement is a privilege.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wonderful post! I am mostly on the receiving end of TMI – two of my friends really are unabashed about sharing gory details. They keep telling me to “lighten up” but have accepted the distance I keep about stuff. To each his own – different comfort lines for all.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Great post, great points! I think that for me, my best friend (other than my fiancee) is like a sister. We know waaaaay too much about each other. We could do a Freaky Friday swap and be totally convincing. Lol I have to say when it comes to her, undoubtedly I would not hesitate to tell her if I knew her man was cheating. In fact, I’d tell her… then help her whoop his tail! But any other friends… no. I wouldn’t cross that boundry. I’m not close enough to anyone else to feel that comfortable.

    Liked by 1 person

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