What’s The Issue With Rape?

When I shared this post the other day I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t stop thinking about what social network can do to you. But most of all I couldn’t stop thinking about rape, and the multiple issues with rape.

And here are my thoughts:

When a woman gets raped this is what she has to deal with:

Did you ask for it?
Did you do anything that would have invited him?
Did you dress provocative?Were you drunk?
Did you say no?
Did you clearly state that you don’t want this to happen?
Maybe he could have misunderstood you?
Did you act provocative?
Drugs involved?
Are you sure you did not ask for it?
Did you look at him in an inviting way?
Why didn’t you fight back?
Are you sure you did not want it?

This is what a guy has to deal with:

Are you sure you did not want it?
Are you sure you did not provoke it?
Are you sure you said no?
Maybe there was a misunderstanding?
Were you drunk?
Drugs involved?
Why did you not fight back?

I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten heaps…

But here is the point:

Nobody has the right to force anything on anybody! Not on girls, not on boys, not on women not on men! Nobody has the right to take what they want without consent.

No matter how short the skirt, no matter how much skin you see: It’s not an invitation to do whatever you want. In the end it does not matter how people dress. Actually you should be able to walk around naked without anybody harming you (of course there are other issues with that, but I hope you get my point).

It’s in the rapist head! And no matter if the victim wears the most unattractive, baggiest clothes ever, the offender will find a reason why the offender felt provoked, sexually provoked.

No means no! A body never belongs to someone else but the soul that lives in it! You can’t take, what you want, just because you feel you should have it, just because you want it!

A girl looked sexy in her school uniform? And that provoked you? A guy looked hot in his shorts and shirt? And that made you horny? Keep it in your pants! Just because something makes you hot, doesn’t mean you can simply go get it!

But I guess we all know that. And sex offenders are just wired in a different way, unfortunately. What shocks me more, what makes me sad, mad, angry, is that after the victim had to go through all of what happened to her or him, there are all those questions to be answered. And you know what? This shouldn’t be the case!

Someone took your body without your consent!

Why is it, that a victim has to explain why she or he dressed in a certain way? Why does a victim have to explain why she or he acted in a certain way?

In the end, it doesn’t matter how someone walks, talks, looks, dresses, they will find a reason to take what they want!

And what about this stupid “why didn’t you fight back” or “did you try to fight back” questions? Seriously? Everyone would fight back if they would feel like having a chance! But maybe the victim was too scared, maybe the victim was too threatened or just too weak to fight back! How about that?

So what’s the issue with rape? The issue with rape is, that it’s not over for the victims after it’s physically done!

There are still people out there who believe in the good in every person and who don’t expect someone to go crazy. There are people out there who don’t see a wolf in every sheep. And that is a good thing. Never make them feel bad for doing this!

In asking questions like this, you make them feel bad. You even make them feel guilty. And in my eyes, that doesn’t make you the best person either…

58 thoughts on “What’s The Issue With Rape?

  1. I go with you in every point. It is in the rapist’s head and they feel invited as soon as they get attracted by anything. I am also not able to understand why the victim is punished by the whole procedure more than the rapist.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No means No. Not maybe, not perhaps, not I might change my mind.
    Why is the Victim made to feel guilty or responsible?
    And what about those who are totally defenceless? I read a headline this morning of a 37 year old guy convicted of raping a day old baby. I felt sick.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank so much for putting this post together and for your stance. I definitely agree! Until recently, I have always looked at this scenario as a woman and having my rights. However, I am now a parent educating her children about sexuality and helping them prepare for those first tentative steps towards physical relationships. While there are clear cut cases of rape. Date rape is a very tricky area and trying to educate your son and about when no means no when it might mean not yet or I like you but don’t want to take the next step…these more subtle interactions are much more complex but also where women feel raped and violated. This is particularly true of guys who may be a bit on the spectrum or just socially clueless. This isn’t something that really gets talked about a lot, at least not around here unless you’re talking about young people with intellectual disabilities, in which case their are adapted sex education talks.
    I used to work in HIV/Sexual health and they used to put out messages to help young women take care of themselves such as buying their own drinks and going out with groups of friends and looking out for each other.
    Anyway, thanks for a great post xx Rowena

    Liked by 1 person

    • My dad always told me to buy my own drink and never let it out of sight… And move in a group! You are right with what you said about educating your boys… We are one step away from this. It will be a very important talk…

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s something I’ll really have to consider carefully. A lot of kids don’t respect others’ boundaries and this is probably where it starts. My son was waiting for an audition with some mates the other day and he was wrestling them and they were mucking round but he clearly didn’t know when to stop. My parents never talked to be about all of this but we will definitely be talking in detail. I think I’ll also have a talk to his scoutleader. She’s pretty clued up.
        My Dad also got onto me about the drinks but in my day, it wasn’t anything like it is now. Your kids really need to pick their friends well!!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on homemade naturally and commented:
    Reblog because it was so well written and so true it is never over for a survivor (victim). But if we are still here then we have at least survived and now deal with that fall out. So yes victim but survivor (as best we can)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Amen. My husband and I were talking about rape the other day and he said something along the lines of “if the woman doesn’t bring it on herself.” Uh, what? Cue me flying off the handle.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. As a survivor, reading this made me feel empowered. I’ve had to deal with many ignorant people, some being close friends. It’s sad to be asked, “Was it really rape? Did you say no? Did you fight back?” etc. I just want to say thank you for posting this. It was eloquently written and I hope more people get informed about this topic. It needs to be talked about, not hidden because people are uncomfortable talking about this. It’s true that for a survivor it doesn’t end after the physical assault. People don’t realize how hard it can be after it happens. Thank you again for posting this.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I once heard it said that rape isn’t about sex. It’s about violence. A rapist doesn’t desire sexually their victim; they hate them. They want to control them, to punish them. To me, that’s why these questions miss the point.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have heard of that before. Totally true, in some cases. I wouldn’t know, but it seems to me like it the motivations would totally depend. I watched an episode of Law and Order once where the main woman (the detective) goes undercover in a women’s prison, and one of the guards rapes her. He doesn’t actually succeed, she’s a lucky one, but it’s stated in the episode that he hates women and that’s why he does what he does. He gets fired from the prison when the detective takes it to court. Courageous of her…

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Glad that you wrote this. There is never an excuse to rape someone. It’s never the victim’s fault, regardless of the situation. A person needs to know how to control themselves and when to back off, or never approach a person in the first place. The people who do this are not right in the head. Simple as that.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I totally agree with the points you have raised. I was in the car listening to National Public Radio a few weeks ago, and they were talking about the recent rapes on college campuses. They interviewed someone who said something along the lines of, “Don’t teach girls how not to be raped, teach guys not to rape,” and I couldn’t understand why they said it. I mean, yeah, boys should be taught not to be raped, but girls should also be taught how to stay safe. Because what if the guy fails in his training and goes out and rapes someone, and thanks to the new protocol about what to teach whom, the girl doesn’t know what to do and ends up with all these questions? We need to protect *both* genders. Oh, and then there’s the point that this can happen to guys or girls, and anyone who says the above quote is either insensitive or ignorant because obviously, it can be the other way around. And that’s offensive to girls. Oh, yeah, girls can get raped, but they’re too weak and powerless to be the aggressors? Nuh-uh. This whole argument is all wrong. I can’t even make my point without sounding like not raping makes you weak and powerless. It doesn’t, that just sounds wrong!
    Now I kinda get it, now that you bring up all the questions girls ask themselves and how that ties into “Don’t teach girls how not to be raped,” but still. Insurance, people? Come on.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Love what you are saying! I agree! I see the point of teaching guys that no means no and that they can not just take it when they want it (and as you said, same for girls) and it’s super important to teach how to be safe(er). Simple things, you know. Look around! How many people walk around eyes glued to a device and earplugs in. How would you realise that someone’s following you? That someone’s about to grab you? The momentum is gone because you did not pay attention to your surroundings. Not cutting corners when walking, not leaving your drink unattended. And of course moving in a group and looking after each other.

      Liked by 1 person

      • There’s a regular to my local library who even crosses the nearby street—at a very busy intersection—with headphones on and music blaring. A guy.

        Liked by 1 person

      • They are easy victims for robbery and rape, assault in general. I think some things you will never be able to control, but you can focus on little thing to make it slightly harder for them to get you and in the end, if there is an easier victim than you, it’s all you need… Sounds really bad… I know….

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: Rape… 2 Pictures – A Reblog | A Momma's View

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