Nothing better than watching your kids. Right? Of course. But what if you watch your child and you get the death stare? You know the stare they have when they aren’t happy for you to watch them and definitely want you to know about it.
I have to say, I only got the death stare maybe twice so far. I never got it because I was watching them during their activities. I got them for making a so called stupid remark. And that’s fair enough. But today I witnessed another mom getting it. The girl was dancing in the same class my daughter is and her mom is there on a regular base as well. We were standing there in front of the little window of which we once thought would be a one way window. You know, the kind of window they use in interrogations (you do watch crime shows, right?). Well, apparently it’s not. It seems like the girls can actually see you.
We sort of thought so. But we weren’t aware of the fact that they can see you that well. This girl was dancing in the first row of the group and I would have thought that from there she wouldn’t be able to see us. The mom took it well. She actually had to laugh and said that it was her fault She was told by her daughter that she doesn’t like her mom to watch. So she smiled and walked away.
One of those moments your kids show you that your time is limited. The time you can sit there and watch them doing their things, watch them play, watch every move they make. It runs out. Slowly you reach the point where they aren’t comfortable with it anymore. Maybe you even feel like a stalker to them. They don’t want it any longer. It’s no longer about being proud of showing you every move of the finger, every step they take. It’s about privacy.
Although I was not involved it hit me. It hit me to become aware of the fact that time runs out and that soon doors will be shut in front of my nose and I will to some extend be locked out of the private part of my children’s lives. Now that they can walk and talk and do things on their own it’s only a matter of time until they are leaving the nest for good.
It’s not about losing control, don’t get me wrong. Although, as HumaAq also stated in her post, you sort of lose control over them. They finally do things on their own. They in a way shut you out and eventually will fight their own battles. As much as you want to stand up for them you won’t get a chance anymore as they want to handle it on their own. And that’s just the way it is.
But, boy oh boy, it seems to approach so fast! I’m not ready yet.
I’m not ready for the death stare. I still want to watch and be proud. I want to know when they achieved something and I want to know because I’ve watched them do it. I want them to put that proud smile on my face and the proud thought “this is my daughter” or “this is my son” in my mind. I want to feel like bursting because they make me so happy. I’m not ready to see them grow up and yet I am. I have to be. There’s no way around it.
I guess I got some more time. How much more? I wish I would know so I could prepare myself for the day I get the death stare. For the day they want to be left alone. I wish I could prepare for the day they no longer want to share every single thought and idea.
Unfortunately I can’t. All I can do is hope that it doesn’t happen from one day to another but that I got slowly introduced to my new life with my grown up kids. Please, just please, can I have just a little bit more time with my kids before they grow up?