The Scariest Post

Hitting that publish button usually feels pretty easy to me although I know that I should wait and read my post again in order to find some mistakes. There are some post I’ve written though, which I hesitated pressing publish. In a way it scared me knowing that I’m about to put this specific thought out there and was worried about the feedback I’d get. I’ve also deleted a couple of posts simply because I knew they would stir things up or reach someone who I didn’t want to read my thoughts on that subject via Facebook.

Today, after reading this, I know that I’m not alone. Does that help? Not really. Of course it’s soothing to know that other bloggers struggle with publishing certain thoughts too and it shows that we not just push content out there in order to produce something. It needs to feel right for us too. We need to be comfortable with what we want to express.

I always try to keep my posts free from attacks and harsh judgment. It’s not what I want to do. I want my blog to be a happy place where I share my opinion, my worries and, yes, things that bother me or make me angry. In a way though, it still only reflects my feelings for it and my opinion. One of my aims is to keep an open mind and if someone doesn’t agree with what I’m saying then I’m more than happy to hear that persons opinion too and learn from it. Very often we find ourselves stuck in our world and our routines and might not see other ways anymore. In a civilized and constructive exchange we might though suddenly realize that it can be done differently too. It can be viewed in a different way without being judgmental, aggressive or negative.

The posts I’ve so far struggled with publishing were posts I felt I’m pushing my own rules. Although I always make clear that what I have to say is my point of view and not the way it is or has to be, I wondered how it might be received by my readers. Readers that might have a totally opposite point of view. I guess when you write about your thoughts on life and what you encounter on a daily base you can’t get around the hot iron. People do have different opinions, different traditions, different values. If I blog as a mom the hot iron for sure is parenting. In general I think it’s a hot iron to touch as everyone has a strong idea about how it should be done. Even people who don’t have kids. Another one is religion or same sex marriage. Even traditions can be a tricky thing to write about.

If you touch certain subjects it’s wise to walk gently, I think. A bashing doesn’t really belong here. And yet you might get to that point by simply writing about your experience and letting your feelings get to you while your fingers hit the keyboard. It surprises me how harsh the reaction of certain people can be if you simply write about your feelings. No judging, no attack, no putting yourself above others. Just speak your mind in a polite way.

I guess what I’ve learned over the last months of blogging is that you never really know what triggers which kind of reaction. Just as my friend Vaishali over at The Champa Tree had to learn too. You simply list things that have been listed before and you get a bashing. On the other side you expect negative reactions (maybe because you’ve encountered them in your real life, in a face to face conversation) and all you get is support.

I found that whenever I write about a homeschooling issue, the amount of support and positive feedback I get is huge.There are things that are hard for me to shared. I’ve not done it so far, as I’m not ready yet for certain people to read those thoughts. There are some subject you have a strong opinion about and you really want to share but your afraid of the fall out it might have. There are subjects you feel you need to write about to get it off your chest. Things that don’t have a big importance to you in that sense but you know they are very important for others. And then there’s just your simple thought of the day, you point of view, your way to see life or certain things in life. Something that seems so innocent but can trigger a big storm too!

This is my advice: Think before you publish. Think about the impact it might have on others. Would it be hurtful to read? Would it make someone feel bad? Are you bullying? Check how you worded it. Are you accusing? Are you judging? Are you aggressive? Are you attacking? Do you want to do that? Are you willing to take the heat for it?

I think it’s important that you can stand behind your words. That you choose them wisely. Be kind even if you have a strong opinion. Consider another opinion and where it might come from.

If you are worried to press the publish button there’s a reason for it. Make sure you understand that reason. Sometimes things need a bit of courage. If it’s about putting yourself out there, doing something you want to do but scares you slightly do it, if you feel it will be good for you.

Pressing that publish button can sometimes feel like bungee jumping (not that I’ve done it but I can imagine how it must feel…). You probably question why you initially came up with the idea and you feel scared to jump but you know you want to and you will. And then you will feel good afterwards. Do it. If it feels good to get those thoughts out there, then do it. But consider the feelings of others too. It should not be about hurting people. And that’s the same with commenting on posts too.


22 thoughts on “The Scariest Post

  1. I can follow you and it is about being kind. We can never be sure not to offend one in a while or more. Some people are here to be offended and then let their aggression out at us. Again it is our blog and we are the one to decide what to bring there, also of the comments.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Love this! There are many posts that are sitting in my draft box, some half written and others complete, but many of which will probably never be posted. There’s been a few that I’ve deleted soon after publishing because they didn’t sit right with me. With all of that said, there are a few topics, especially one, that’s taking all the restraint I have to not write and publish it. But, I hesitate because I don’t want to stir things up. At the same time, because I feel so strong about it and there’s a possibility that it could help others, I feel that I *should* write it. Argh…decisions decisions.

    One thing is for sure, you are right about having an open mind. No matter what our opinions are, we need to understand that others will have a different one and we need to respect them for it. With shared respect, I feel that we can all have mature discussions and even friendly debates about topics that we disagree on. What’s important is knowing what topics to touch on. What are our intentions? To help or to hurt?

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  3. Very well said. I couldn’t agree more and you’re spot on in your idea that we need to be aware of why something isn’t sitting right with us before we just publish.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Great post, as usual! I always believe that when a post is worded politely and gently, you can publish almost anything. That said, trolls are everywhere and will find faults with even the most benign post.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. And the worst is when we share it on social media platforms. I am really scared now (mentioned my experience to you, remember?) People out there are so judgemental. I guess mothers are the most critical from the lot. I thought they are the busiest. Look at me!! I work from home and blog and take care of my baby. I don’t have time to criticize and why should I?! Anyway..Yes. To tell you the truth- I am SCARED now than I ever was.

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  6. Hmm. You’re right about it being surprising what gets a positive or negative reaction in social media. I’ve often thought that any show of weakness on the Internet was like being a gazelle among lions – and yet, honest vulnerability (not fear or victimhood!) is usually met with kindness and supportiveness. We humans are herd animals, and I don’t mean that in a cruel and insulting way – we ARE interdependent. There will always be little challenges for dominance. Strength and leadership are admired, so long as the rest of the herd isn’t subjugated to the will of a psychopath.

    Weakness is a liability to the herd, and gets culled out if compassion and supportiveness don’t strengthen a person. The strong rally from moments of weakness; the weak don’t rally. On the Internet, that’s not physical weakness, but emotional weakness – perpetual fearfulness or an overly fragile ego. We can bleed a little on the page, but don’t open a vein and invite sharks to lunch. Be mindful and protective (to a point) of those who have. A combination of strength, compassion, and vulnerability usually gets the most support (with exceptions, of course – most of which seem to come from the psychopathic and the fearful/defensive/weak, because they sense that they have no role to play and that you are immune to their dubious “charms.”). I think that when posting, it’s best to be thoughtful – to edit, not censor – but not to be “fearful.” The rest of the herd likes to feel relevant, cared about, and valued (don’t YOU, too?) – just be careful you don’t put yourself too far above OR below the rest.

    All those hot-button topics are difficult because they speak to our core values; any hint of criticism is easily perceived as a judgment against our worth as human beings and members of the herd. That’s not to say we shouldn’t speak our minds, but rather than “5 Ways You’re Screwing Up Your Kid,” we might write, “5 Things I’ve Learned in 12 Years of Parenting.” 🙂 Rather than “Religious Nut Jobs and How to Deal with Them,” maybe something like, “Interfaith Communication – How to Find Common Ground.” The first examples make great click-bait and bring in more readers, but maybe they’re not the readers you really want – and you brought it on yourself. If the second examples are met with hostility, it’s not your fault. If you give me a dozen red roses and it triggers a memory of my mother’s funeral instead of a smile of joy, it’s not your fault. Same here – readers come with baggage. You don’t control that.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Sometimes for me it’s not about hitting the publish button, it’s comes before that . . . should I actually even write what I’m thinking about . . . can I be THAT vulnerable? It’s like I say . . . sometimes it’s easier to be bare naked in public than to say or write what is in your heart.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Pingback: If I Only Met You Today | A Momma's View

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