After reading my post “If I Only Met You Today”, Me – Who Am I, a blogger I can only recommend visiting, left a really thought provoking comment for me.
Although this is a very sad letter and seemingly a hurtful and drawn out experience, I appreciate your honesty. The truth in this post really touches my heart. If we knew how people would later treat us, would we have avoided them to begin with? Hmm…I don’t know. Even those who have hurt me, have taught me. Maybe without them, I would be missing an important link to what’s made me who I am today. Wow…you’ve got me thinking. I just wrote my own post for this prompt, but mine took a completely different turn than yours. Now I want to write part two. 🙂
How very true. It got me thinking again about who I would be without this person in my life. And I agree that maybe, or most probably, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Of course the old “What if” question immediately pops in my mind. What if things would have been different? What if I would have really only met that person today? What if I would have not had the experience I had? Would I still be who I am and where I am today?
So I went back and read a post of mine again, it’s one of my earlier posts on this blog. And although I’ve already posted it as a blast of the past this year, I’d like to do it again. As the question “What if” never really disappears form your life. It’s all too present and probably something that keeps us questioning our very move all the time.
I asked myself this question a few times over the last couple of months and especially recently, when other bloggers wrote about it as well. And I find it really interesting to hear, that we all imagine life to be different if we would have chosen a different path.
I wonder why?
Is it because deep inside we would like it to be different if we would have made a different decision back then? Not that I want o imply that we would not be happy with what we have right now. But maybe, in our fantasy, we would like it to be different in order to have an adventure, rather than our “normal” life again. Maybe for just a moment, we would like to imagine us living a different life, making different decisions, only to be happy to be back in reality again and appreciate what we actually have (hopefully).
So let me play this little game right now.
I choose one moment in my life and play the what if to the point where I can play it. I back then met a guy and fell in love with him (for reasons I nowadays honestly don’t understand anymore… but oh well…). And that guy lived overseas. I actually met him while traveling. It was a short romance and actually got to the point where he asked me if I could imagine moving and that he could picturing us living happily ever after. Blabla… Long story short, the time was not right and he disappeared as fast as he had appeared. Left a lot of heartache behind and it took me a long time to find myself again. In the months after this happened I did things, I would have not done prior. I just wasn’t myself and kind of weird. But I got a pretty cool job, which kind of kept me going.
Now, what if he would have not disappeared? I guess I would have moved overseas and would have tried to make a relationship work that was not worth the effort. I would have lived with a manic depressive person at least for a while. And I guess that would have definitely changed my life.
Now, what if he would have left and in the process of me being weird, things would have gone differently. Let’s say, I would not have taken that job. Oh, that would have been a pity… And I truly believe, that I might not have met my husband… and I might not have had the confidence to accept the job he was actually hiring me for (see here). I have no clue where I would be now… I guess, if I would have not accepted that job, I would have ended up staying where I grew up and would now probably work for either a sports shop or the tourist office… who knows…
There are many, many other points in my life I feel were fundamental and let me to where I am today.
But I actually also ask myself if things would have really gone differently. Just think about it! If something is our destiny, why would we not get there anyway? Why would we not reach that point, no matter which path we choose?
So if that guy would not have disappeared, why would I have not met my husband anyway and maybe find my way to him? As he was actually also in the picture already then, I just did not know it. But it is something I found out. He worked at places I was with the other guy and my husband had a client who did things the other guy did as well. Same time, same places. What are the odds?
And if I would have not taken that job, why would I have not met him? Maybe he would have not wanted to hire me, but, who knows, maybe we would have bumped into each other refilling our cars on the way to an ice hockey game between our favorite teams. And why would it not have started off like this? What are the odds?
Our journey here might not have been the same and maybe it might have not been as nice or smooth, or maybe it would have been easier and more fun. But maybe we would have gotten here anyway. That is, of course, if you believe that where you are in life is your destiny.