A Promise

I recently came across a post on Facebook that made me think for days now.

I have this bad habit of believing people who make a promise to me…

I had to read it over and over again. Having a bad habit of believing someone… Having a bad habit of believing someone who promises something… Having a bad habit of believing someone who makes a promise to me…

There’s so much in this short sentence.

Why would it be a bad habit to believe someone in the first place? Why would it be a bad habit to believe someone who promises something? Because you might get disappointed. Maybe over and over again.

Everything that eventually leads to us being hurt might end up being labeled as a bad habit. What a shame. How far do you have to come to label it as a bad habit to believe people. And how much does that influence your future life. I’m a bit hopeless when it comes to people. I tend to see the good in people. Sometimes for too long.

I tend to try to find an excuse for a behavior (believe it or not) until they really prove to me that they don’t mean it well. And even then I try to find a reason why they might have had to act like that. It takes quite a bit of convincing to get me to the point where I quit seeing the good in people. Or then I have to have that really bad gut feeling form the very beginning. But then I don’t really get involved with someone in the first place.

So reading this again I realize that it’s me. I do have a bad habit of believing people who promise something to me. Because I want to believe them. I want to believe that they mean well. I want to believe that I can trust them. I want to believe that they are good. I want to see the good in people.

I find it sad that people can get you to the point where you label believing someone or in someone as a bad habit. And everything inside of me wants to scream no! I want to scream that it’s good to believe in people. Believe what they are telling you. Unfortunately way too often we are proven wrong.

So I ask you: What is worse? Stop believing in the first place and try to change a habit (a good habit) or being disappointed by people that obviously don’t deserve our trust in the first place?

It hurts, I know. But don’t you think you give up a really important part of you when you stop believing? Isn’t that way worse than getting hurt and learning a tough lesson? Where do you actually differentiate if you would at all? How can you know that you can trust someone or you can’t and why would you stop trusting someone who would never let you down just because someone else did at one point?

All of us have been in the situation (in situations) we promised ourselves never to find ourselves again. Situations that were hurtful and if we could we might even want to simply delete from our memory. And yet… they were necessary for our development. Necessary to shape us and to get us to where we are today. We will face people that don’t tell us the truth and we might even find out. And it might make us feel bad. In my books that is much easier to handle than going through my life without trusting. With not seeing the good in people, not believing that everyone means well.

I simply feel that we would just simply withdraw from our life, from the beauty of it. It would turn into a lonely place. I rather get disappointed a couple of times then being lonely and withdrawing from everything that is beautiful and fun.

Always remember: Just because one person is lying doesn’t mean others are.

41 thoughts on “A Promise

  1. I hate to be a “downer” and say you cannot trust anyone anymore, when it comes to promises. Perhaps it comes to reevaluating those you surround yourself with and perhaps focus on the quality of those individuals and the strength of your relationships?

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  2. This is again a great thought you brought up, Sandra! It made me think what I believe about. Actually I never really thought about whether to believe or not to believe someone. I was disappointed for sure, I was tricked and manipulated by some people. I was also just deeply hurt recently because I realized that some statements were not meant as serious as I would mean it. And I think that is the big difference. When I say something then I really mean it or I don’t say it. But that is me! Others think different and I am not the measure. So thinking about your post made me notice that 1. I stop believing people who tricked me or lied at me. 2. I don’t take things too serious from people I know they are not as serious as I am. 3. I still take anyone serious and believe in first place what they tell me unless they teach me any different. I want to believe others because I want them to believe me!

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  3. It’s tough to figure out who trust, who believe, until you know you can’t. It’s difficult when someone comes through on their promise a couples times then lets you down. Do you try to trust them again? Or if that trust is broken once, that’s it? How many chances to they deserve to earn trust back? And after how many times does it become a habit? Rhetorical questions, really. I think I’m trusting until the trust is broken. Though sometimes my gut instinct is to not believe specific people and often I listen to my gut.

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  4. I have been burned. I have learned. I walk away from those folks so easily now. And I surround myself with only those I can believe in…that took a few decades, but it really works ! 😊

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  5. I’ve got that habit as well – it just seems so weird to me how some people can really try to convince you and promise that they’re telling the truth when they just blatantly lie! I don’t think everyone can be like that though. So, although, I met lots of people who broke their promises, I do believe again and again.

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  6. For me trust is a real issue. It is one of the things I chose to work on in this lifetime. I’m not doing a real good job of it either. I don’t hold back from life, I don’t distrust everyone I meet or deal with during my everyday life. I don’t hold back loving life and people or this planet. I just don’t necessarily trust.
    One thing that it does do is that not trusting makes me hold people at arms length for a while so sometimes people think I am “Uppidy” for lack of a better word, but I’m not. If I let you past my wall and into the cirle of my life then you show me you can’t be trusted. Your done!

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    • “I simply feel that we would just simply withdraw from our life, from the beauty of it. It would turn into a lonely place. I rather get disappointed a couple of times then being lonely and withdrawing from everything that is beautiful and fun. Always remember: Just because one person is lying doesn’t mean others are.”
      Unfortunately, that last statement is also true in the opposite sense. Just because one person is telling the truth doesn’t mean others are. I guess if you set the trust bar low it may accomplish two ends. The first is you will probably not be disappointed as often. The second is that, by trusting a new person a little bit more each time, if they pass and you continue to set the trust bar higher and they pass every time, that might be a way to build trust.

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  7. Pingback: Some of the great posts I liked in September | Tiny Expats

  8. Sometimes you feel like you know a person and you convince yourself that you’re right in trusting her/him. Sometimes it doesnt work out and sometimes it does. For the times it does work out, you have a companion and for the times it doesnt, you just grow stronger and more resilient. This post reminded me of why I take my time warming up to people. Lovely post :’D

    Liked by 1 person

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