Life’s Not Over

Hearing people say “remember before we had children? When we still had a life…” Why would you say something like this? And why would you actually say it in front of your kids? It makes me so angry to hear that. And it makes me angry when it’s said in front of children. What they might hear could be down the line of “hey you, you destroyed my life…”

I thought about this many times and today while reading An Armchair Perfectionist’s post it all came back up again. I agree a lot of things change when you become a parent. Of course you are no longer as flexible as you used to be. And of course you have to re-arrange your life to a certain point. Simply because there’s someone in your life who needs you to be there. But does that really mean that you have to give up on your life? Does it?

I don’t think so! You just need to organize it differently. And that can be fun too.

I remember how the mom of one of my best friends said that the time to travel is over when you have children. Mind you that was when we traveled all the way around this globe from Australia to Switzerland to visit friends and family. I was sitting there and thought I did not hear right. I asked her what she means and she said that as long as the kids are little it’s not possible to make big trips. There I was, having moved my 3 year old from Switzerland to Australia, having traveled with him before and afterwards and coming off a plane more or less after a 24 hour trip with a 4 and a 8 year old. It was the second time we visited Switzerland then.

You can’t travel with kids. They don’t appreciate it. It’s a pain in the rear end. Why would you travel to far away places with your kids if they don’t really enjoy it? And so on…

Frankly, I think this is all a big pile of BS. The only thing that changes is that you will have to spend more as there are more people traveling. You might have to take it slower, allow more time as it’s not easy to chase after a flight with little kids. But you know what? That’s not rocket science…

We traveled quite a bit with our kids and no matter how little they were there’s always something they enjoy and something that stays in their memory.

Could have not said it better…

I think it’s sad that some people seem to only see what they “lose” when they become parents rather than looking at what you gain. Because I think you actually gain heaps. When they then start explaining to me what they miss, I’m usually surprised. And I honestly think that it’s not about being parents but more about being older and missing being young and independent as such. Kids or no kids, I wouldn’t want to party through the night anymore. There are plenty of things that were heaps of fun when I was young but I wouldn’t want to do it anymore now. Maybe that has to do with being a parent. Maybe not.

What I do know is, that I have an amazing life thanks to my children, who show me every day what life is really about. I would not want to change this. I have a fantastic life, being able to see them develop and experiencing new things. I have an amazing life seeing the world through their eyes.

I have a life. I have a life thanks to them.

38 thoughts on “Life’s Not Over

  1. With my wife and I looking to start a family I have spent considerable time watching people we know to learn. Your post is spot on with my observations. Those parents that complain a lot about their kids being an inconvenience or not being able to do a lot of activities tend to let their life run them and live very disorganized and uncontrolled lives. Conversely, the parents that I know that go to dinners, travel and experience life with their children tend to be in control of their lives and more organized. I am not sure that this is the case with everyone, but it seems to make sense to me. Would you agree?

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  2. That drives me crazy too! I had my daughter when I was pretty young so I was the first of my friends to have a baby…some are just now having their first child. But almost all of them talk as if their life ended when they started having children. I feel as if my life didn’t begin until then. Maybe it was being do young, no one informed me I was no longer able to have a life. But, having a baby never stopped me from experiencing anything. Sure, when I went places she was with me, but I always felt it made everything better. I experienced things more because I was forced to slow down and really enjoy them. People who say things like that don’t realize that life only s “stops” if they choose to let it.

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  3. I’m with ya 100% on this. Yes, having kids changes things. But, you’re right, so does getting older. And as far as travel? Pffft! We’ve traveled with our kids since they were newborns. We’ve instilled new culture, food, people, music, art, architecture, etc into their rapidly molding brains. Put your big boy pants on, it’s not that hard to do. I love having kids and being a dad. Hardest job I’ve ever had, sure. But also the most rewarding! πŸ˜ƒ

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  4. Oh, Sandra, don’t get me started. Most of the reason I delayed motherhood myself had to do with negative messages from my mother…never my dad. She blamed all of her life disappointments on us. It wasn’t till she was on her deathbed that she admitted, “you kids were the best thing that ever happened to me”…too little, too late ?? I had my daughter 3 years later, but there was a lot of healing to do first. ❀️

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  5. Pingback: Reblogged From A Momma’s View – Life’s Not Over – Our Words Our Children – 21 Days Of Inspirational Quotes |

  6. Having children changes your life, but does not end it. If someone feels like having children “ends” their life, perhaps they need to look inward and realize what the real barrier is. Having children opens up new chapters to life that before were closed off. Just have to be willing to walk through that door…

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  7. Thank you for the mention Sandra. And you have raised a good point – what is life anyway! It is complex with different depths and dimensions. Life does not stop at end angle or at another corner whatever the circumstances at that stage.

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  8. “You can’t travel with kids. They don’t appreciate it. It’s a pain in the rear end. Why would you travel to far away places with your kids if they don’t really enjoy it? And so on…” This could be a direct quote from me!! I guess I’m still hopeful, though, that on my death bed they might tell me a memory they cherish from one of those trips or at least a general statement that they appreciate that we took them out of their childish comfort zones and maybe even learned something from that experience. Sorry, but to this day I still have painful memories of the “Vacation From Hell” as I’ve titled it, when now 24 year old daughter was only 2 and we left the hotel room at 3AM since she wouldn’t sleep and none of the rest of us could either. This may also have been the trip when we saw the cow run down the middle of the street in the small town where my in-laws lived. We knew this was not part of the planned Independence Day Festivities, either. Of course Daughter does not remember any of this.

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