All The Hate On Social Media

I consider my blog a safe haven in the social media world. To this day I never had an aggressive comment or a comment I had to delete or not post because of its content (please don’t start now, I really aim on keeping it that way…). I guess I can consider myself lucky and I really hope I did not jinx it by saying this.

I just finished reading an amazing post on Tidlidim’s blog that made me think about the “war” that’s going on out there on social media platforms. While reading I couldn’t agree more with her. It’s shocking what goes on out there. While Lorraine has covered all the major groups that spread hater in their comments she has left out a huge one in her post.

I’m talking about the moms.

Have you ever read through comments on a mommy blog’s post on Facebook? I sometimes do it. Comment by comment. Not because I want to find that one black sheep that posts a really mean comment, only because I’m interested in what other readers think. Depending on the content of the post you don’t have to scroll down far to find the first nasty comment. It’s indeed a mommy war out there.

Do you know the word “Sanctimommy”? I bet there’s a “Sanctidaddy” too. Well, I’ve never heard of this word before I read a comment thread on a post a while ago. This word was used like a sledge hammer, clearly aiming at hurting someone. But it was not only the word. It was the way the comment was written. You could also call it the tone of voice… There was such an aggression in it. I’ve written about that specific moment here back then. Then it was about having kids and having or not having nice things in your house.

What I found interesting was, that whenever a mom said she would be able to have nice things around she was labeled a “Sanctimommy”. For those of you who don’t know what that is, here’s the definition:

Sanctimommy:
A mother who is sanctimonious about her parenting choices. Looks down at and/or judges parents who don’t make the same choices. A combination of the words “sanctimonious” and “mommy”
I’ve seen this word over and over again, usually when mothers comment that their kids wouldn’t do naughty things or when they mentioned that they would have a different approach. It seems as if other moms get frustrated when they read that things work in other families. Things that might not work in their relationship with their kids.
I find it fascinating (not to use the word disturbing) that whenever something seems to work for another mom, there are other mothers out there who talk it down and make it look as if it is the most surprising thing ever. Those who make the negative comments also tend to label the (let’s call her) successful mother a Sanctimommy, although she is not preaching by far.
Why is it that some people defend themselves, although they have not been attacked? Why is it that some people attack although there’s no reason whatsoever?
I thought that social media once was a place where we could share our thoughts, maybe find like-minded people and share our worries as well, in order to get some good advice. Instead it turns or turned into a place to verbally attack people for no reason.
And mothers seem to be the worst.
I stopped commenting on posts from mommy blogs on Facebook. I usually head to the original post and do it there now. I don’t think of myself as a mom that preaches in her comments. I just share what my experience is and I clearly point that out. I would never tell anyone how to do it. I know things work for some and would never work for others. And yet I got comments on my comments that I would never share here. People attacking me for simply explaining how we approached an issue (because that was what the author of the post wanted: tips from other parents on how to handle a situation).
Being a mother can be hard. Being a parent can be hard. We all know there’s no manual on how to do it properly and how to deal with certain situations. Situations we all go through at one point or the other.
There’s support too, but there’s so much aggression. I sometimes think some mothers just wait for a post to pop up to leash out…
And just like Lorraine I wonder why there is that huge lack of respect for the other person. Someone you don’t know. Someone who might fight demons you have no clue about. Someone who just wants to leave a cheerful comment, trying to make the author of the post feel better, and gets a verbal beating instead.
What is wrong with people like this?
Maybe it’s because hiding behind a screen and letting your frustration out is much easier than facing it in real life. Maybe it’s because these people have huge issues and simply can’t deal with them in real life. Maybe they realize that they screwed up and are jealous of everyone that seems to have it under control. Maybe they just simply find pleasure in attacking others in a way that seems rather coward-ish.
I don’t know.
Fact is, that people like this manage to make social media a very unhappy place. No matter what the topic is. Motherhood, religion, politics, music, movies, beauty, sport or life in general, they find a reason to spread their little unhappy seeds.
It’s up to us to stop it though. We can make it a better place by simply ignoring it. Focus on the good messages and ignore the bad.
This was an advice a friend of mine gave me when I mentioned to her that I would start writing a blog. She has her lifestyle Vlog (check out Jewelchic). Back then she asked me if I could deal with negative feedback as most probably I would have to face it at one point. She also told me that there would be many trolls out there, aiming at simply making you feel bad and that the only way to solve that problem would be to ignore them and not engage. I think that was one of the most valuable tips I got so far.
I hope that we can spread a little bit more goodwill and less hate in this virtual world. I believe that even if you completely disagree with something that has been said or written, there’s a respectful way of phrasing your comment, which will then lead to an exchange on the topic.
Respect the opinion of others, tolerate that not everyone likes the same things you do and chooses the same path you did. Let’s just get along…

37 thoughts on “All The Hate On Social Media

  1. I am sure these people would never speak face to face like they do in posts and comments. I tire of casual war on women and foreigners that appear on face book and the like as jokes. Simplistic one-liners that hurt many people and amuse others. But let’s not forget that there is a huge amount of empathtic and worthwhile material posted by beautiful human beings (like your good self) that makes being on line worth it.

    Try not to let it upset you too much, and have another slice of Turkey (if you have room) Happy Thanksgiving!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful post Sandra. You are right, there are many people out there that aren’t happy unless they are being negative about something. I don’t see that as a healthy way to live. Haters are going to hate though. All we can do is not let them dull our shine. Maybe they will get tired of themselves and decide being nice and being happy is so much better.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Unfortunately social media is an outlet for the “coward.” You can be obnoxious, aggressive, considering and verbally abusive – all in the anonymous comfort of your electronic device. Most of these cyber bullies would be silent in a face-to-face situation. Sad but true.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. There are a lot of places that would be so great if it wasn’t for the people there.
    That doesn’t only go for the internet but for real places as well.

    I hope xour blog can stay free from the hatred 😉 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. A wonderful post! 🙂
    I do know a lot of parents who say they are better parents then the rest.Can’t understand how such a comparison helps in any way.
    Really,no hate on social media could change so much in the world.
    And if one doesn’t agree with you,there does not need to be a ‘war’ of words,one could just ignore it and talk to people who share his/her opinion.No swords required.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Most of the internet is still good. We good still greatly outnumber the bad. Or at least I think so. Like you, I haven’t encountered a negative comment on my blog (not counting that one spammer) (that’s why we’re “sunshine bloggers 🙂 ). I do agree… parents can be vicious to each other. This post also reminds me of the maniac parents who go nuts when they’re kid is playing a sport and the parents think he’s being scouted for the majors.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I’m gonna quote Taylor Swift here because that would make my daughter very proud…

    Let the haters hate Just Shake it off.

    I didn’t put that in quote because I think I might have the lyrics wrong…

    I hope the point came across. Ignore the trolls.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haters gonna hate, hate, hate… lalalalala… you have no clue how often I (have to) listen to this song. But I have to say the lyrics are actually pretty good in this case. And I was actually humming this song while writing the post 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you for this post. Wise words. And I have often pondered this as well. I’m a newish blogger, but have also been fortunate so far that most comments have been supportive and positive. I just don’t understand the judgment, harshness and vitriol that mom’s aim at other moms who simply do things in a different way. I believe that like any other nasty behavior it must come from a place of deep insecurity. I too try to keep my blog an expression of my life but not preachy. But I just want to ask these warring mothers, how much more powerful would we be as a collective of moms, of women, if we supported each other rather than tore each other apart?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Spot on, my thoughts exactly! There’s so much negativity out there and I really don’t understand why we would choose to add on to that rather than trying to make it a bit lighter and brighter and be more supportive of the ones that seem to need advice.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I told my kids years ago, when they first started using social media, that they should not say things on SM that they would/could not say to someone’s face. The other piece of advice I gave them is that you cannot believe everything you read on SM, be sure to check the source before spreading/repeating/sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well done and I hope they will remember this. We talked to our kids a lot about it too, although they are still young and both not allowed yet to use social media. I think it’s also important for them to understand that they should not put just any picture up. Not from them and not from others without thinking about the consequences it might have.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I was a member of a parenting forum for a while, I made a great number of friends, but it started getting so bad, the majority of us left and I set up a facebook group for us all, we are an amazing mix of people, from a breastfeeding mafia (thats what she calls herself) feeding her youngest for two years and proud to a formula feeding mummy and proud because that is what is right for her and her kids. Single parents, parents who have been together since time began, young(ish) 22 right up to the 60’s and about to become a grandmother. While most of us are in the UK, we have a UAE, who originally is from Canda. A lovely Spanish lady, who moved over from Spain.

    We have managed to create a group that is friendly, we don’t all agree with each other but there is no way any of us have the disrespectful attitude that some parents seem to come across. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You have created something, whos main aim is to test you to your very limits. By that definition you would expect parents to come together to support

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Parenting is hard! What works for one may not work for others, and there’s no reason to judge. Yet people do it all the time. The best thing is ignore. I’ve got a neighbour who “advices” me about parenting and what I should do for my daughter whenever I bump into her. She’s got a son who is the same age as my daughter. I’ll usually offer a smile and engage her for a bit as she imposes her opinion and choices. Made me realise she’s a tiger mom. I’m not. And there’s no point arguing. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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