Blast From The Past – Bitter Sweet

Traveling with the kids always brings along interesting conversations. Sometimes it’s about light things, sometimes it goes deeper. I like both and I’m often amazed about how deep they both can go. I love those chats. Recently my daughter was especially interested in the why and how my husband and I came together. A conversation I had with my son already on a couple of occasions. A conversation that eventually will lead to a general talk about relationships and why some work and others don’t. The questions are basically always the same and as much as I’d like to, I still can’t answer some of them. But who could?

As my chat with my little girl was very similar to what I’ve written about approximately a year ago, I decided to share this post as a Blast From The Past again.

Recently I had a conversation with my son about love and relationship. I tried to explain to him why some relationships work and why others don’t. But while doing so, I realized that I have no clue. No clue at all. What does it take for a relationship to last? What is the one ingredient that some relationships have and others miss? Why do some relationship last a lifetime and others crash after only a few weeks or months?

Bitter SweetI guess if we could single out the reason for a successful relationship so many of us would be happier. It is not that easy. While talking to my son I realized that there is no such thing as a ‘recipe for a long lasting and happy relationships’. Of course there are certain kind of guidelines like mutual respect and conversation and love and attraction. But what really brings two people together and what makes them stay with each other is not as simple. Why do we even feel attracted to someone in the first place?

See, I feel that a relationship is like a huge puzzle. There are a lot of different pieces that need to be put together in order of getting the picture right. If the pieces don’t fit together, we will not be able to finish the puzzle or make it look nice. So maybe in some cases puzzle piece after puzzle piece can be put together and the picture gets bigger and bigger and a lot of time is spent on creating this picture. Until the point where you hit that one piece that does not fit anywhere. And the puzzle can never be finished. Maybe you still try and you try to work on another end of the picture, hoping that somehow it will still turn out right. Or maybe you just now there and then, that it will never work and you decide to stop trying for good.

Love is something really strange. It’s beautiful but strange. It’s bitter sweet on so many levels. And when asked why I knew that ‘Dad’ was the right guy for me, all I could say was, that I just knew. There is no explanation. There was simply the feeling that it would work out. That we are meant for each other. That we will be able to put piece after piece after piece together in our puzzle of life. There was the feeling that this picture of our relationship, of our life would come together and that we will not hit the point where we can not find a piece or where one of them doesn’t match. And it was sweet to know to have that feeling.

I told my son, that I could have been wrong as well. Who really knows? It is a gut feeling after all. Given our history so far, I am pretty sure that we will work just fine for the rest of our life. We’ve been through some bumpy stretches already and came out even stronger than before. Stretches that really do test a relationship. Times that made you feel bitter. And I believe that if you make it through things like this, you managed to pass a huge test.

There are a lot of things I still want to do in my life. Little adventures I want to go on, little discoveries I want to make. and I can’t imagine heading out there without my husband on my side. I know that he will be there for me in the good times and in the bad times. I know that I have his support no matter what. He manages to inspire me and make me a better person, step by step. There is nobody I rather had on my side. I could not picture a better husband, partner, friend or father for my children on my side. And I am thankful for having met him. Knowing all of this is as sweet as it gets.

I am thankful that the first time we actually met was not what left a lasting impression but rather the second time. Obviously we were just not ready for each other then, we needed a little bit longer to shape into the people, who then finally would connect on a very special level.

Love is such an interesting thing. You think you are in love and you might even think that you met the right person. But then your heart gets broken or maybe you break a heart. Because it was not the right person for you. You were not right for each other. It is such a bad feeling and the word ‘bitter’ does actually describe it so well. And while it might look really hard at that moment, another door will open. Another path will be there for you to take and discover and hopefully one day, when you least expect it, you will meet that one person. And then it all will make sense. You will understand why it was not right before. It will be different.

Now how to explain all this to a child… How explain something you can not really explain to a child so it makes sense? Should I try to explain it at all or just have them go out there and discover?

Soon there will be butterflies all over, the longing to see someone, the wondering if that someone feels the same, the hope that this someone does feel the same. The excitement when this person seems to feel the same and then maybe the heartache, the wobbly knees before the first date. That moment right before the first kiss. So many amazing feelings and moments. Life will be good, it will be fun, it will be exciting and sunny and warm. There will be candles and stars. But then, just around the corner the heartache and the tears might linger. This gut wrenching feeling of missing someone so badly. The feeling of being left, of not being enough. The anger. All those ‘why’s’ nobody can really answer. And then the realization that it was just not meant to be. Suddenly the sunny sky turns dark and all you can think of are storm clouds and the cold.

All those bitter sweet moments that make love so special. The bitter sweet feelings that make life exciting. All there waiting for my kids, waiting to be discovered by them. And I will be there too. For them, in case they need me.

21 thoughts on “Blast From The Past – Bitter Sweet

  1. It’s a mystery: when I met my partner I was engaged to be married. It was a chance meeting almost 24 years ago. It caused pain for the woman I was going to marry but in retrospect the marriage would have caused her more pain.

    Sometimes the right person comes along at what seems to be the worst possible moment…and the relationship is beset with obstacles from the first day. But somehow we’ve gone through all of it together.

    I can’t imagine life with anyone else.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This is a great post! I just had my heart broken again. It’s been broken way too many times already. Everyone keeps on telling me I’ll meet someone else. I’m not sure if that’s what I want anymore. I invested a lot over the years and it didn’t work out. It’s time for me to just focus on myself and my son.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes we just know. During my time most marriages were arranged by parents and family. But the choice was ours. My cousin’s grandmother was a very special person. She told me not to agree for marriage unless I feel in my heart YES. Only then I should agree. I have followed her advise. We have been happily married for 33 years. Your post took me down memory lane :)) Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

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