Blast From The Past – No Need For Fake Friends

A post on a blog that I just only discovered made me think about friendship, distance and value of friends. Although the post on Nirvanamamablog is more about friendships and distance it made me think about the value of true friends more than about keeping up friendships over a huge distance. I believe that true friendships last no matter of the circumstances and that if you have a true connection 22hours plane ride and up to 10 hour time difference won’t break it.

Those are the friends you can not see for months but when you get together you pick up where you left it immediately. Those are the friends who understand you, no words needed. Those are the friends you can build on and trust. I have shared my thoughts about the value of true friends before. Over time you will encounter fake friends. I think it’s just something that belongs to life and maturing. It’s a lesson we all have to learn. The one thing that matters is to accept that not everyone is meant to stay. It’s learning to let go of the ones that are not worth hanging on to and not to shed a tear for. If a fake friend disappears it’s never a loss. In the contrary! You will only gain from it.

I hope you enjoy this Blast From The Past about fake friends and what I think of them (also inspired by the Daily Post Daily Prompt – Learning)…

I recently commented on a post Berryduchess wrote about unhealthy friendships. There are many unhealthy friendships or relationships as I think you can find all those groups in all areas of life. Work, family, friends. The worse though are toxic people as they combine all those unhealthy sides in my books.They are pure venom.

I find there’s nothing worse than having toxic people in your life. Work, family, friends, no matter where they come from, they shouldn’t be in your life. In some circumstances there’s only little you can do and I guess you just need to “suck it up” and deal with it. Like in your job. Of course you can change job but that’s not always that easy either and why giving up on something you like to do?

Unfortunately there are toxic people in your private life as well. And it’s not always easy to detect them or to admit to yourself that there is someone toxic in your life.

If you are just a little bit like me you will deal with this toxic person for a long time. You will try and cut that person slack. You will find excuses for their behavior and you will accept there excuses although they never really make sense. And each and every time they hurt you again or try to poison your surroundings you will feel like they stabbed you. You will find yourself on your knees not understanding why they would do what they do. You might even ask yourself what you did wrong.

What I understood over the years is, that there is nothing I can do. When you deal with people like this it doesn’t matter what you are saying or doing. They hear and see exactly what they want to hear and see. A friend told me once that people like this will see a white plate as a black plate just because they want the plate to be black. And although the plate is clearly white for you, me and everyone else, for them it will always be a black plate. You will never be able to convince them from the reality because it’s just not what they want to see. It’s not easy to break this pattern, break out of it.

After all you might have a history together. Years of a so called friendship. And they manage to get to you, they manage to make you feel bad and they manage to make you feel like it’s all your fault. They make you feel as if it’s your aim to make them feel bad. I finally learned that I didn’t do anything wrong. That some people are just wired like this. I learned it and still it’s not easy, especially when you can not simply scratch that person from your life. Over the years I managed to filter out my real friends from all the others that I don’t need in my life. I would say that thanks to this the quality of my friends is really high now and I’m thankful for that. I guess it shows who your real friends are. Especially in situations that are not the way everyone wants them to be. Real friends stick to you. Fake ones turn on you or leave you alone even if you are surrounded by a mess.

Although it might feel hard as you probably feel deeply disappointed by that so called “friend” it’s good that they show their real face. It provides you with the chance to decide what you want in your life, who you want to be there, who you want to be close. I don’t want people who might turn on me close to me or my family. I want to keep them as far away as possible. Sometimes you just don’t see their real face though until one of these situations in life comes up that tests everything and everyone.

I’ve been there.

It wasn’t easy. It was hard.

It makes you stronger and it definitely makes you a better person. It’s one of the life lessons we learn that bring us forward if we are open for it. Being stabbed in the back is not a nice feeling, especially when a “friend” was involved. What you can take out of it is that it not necessarily makes you stumble and fall though. You can still continue walking and eventually you will heal. And hopefully you will never make the same mistake and turn your back towards someone you can’t truly trust.

This lesson was good as well as it not only showed me how strong I am and how strong my relationship with my husband is. It also showed me who I can rely on and who was just there for the ride because they could get something out of it. Whatever they were hoping to find. It was also a good lesson in listening to yourself, trusting your gut and not let anything from the outside convince you of the opposite your gut feeling is telling you. And you will have a gut feeling about someone.

Listen to your gut feeling. Stick to who you are and your real friends will stick to you.

30 thoughts on “Blast From The Past – No Need For Fake Friends

  1. Oh your captions are so good, and so true. I learnt the hard way about fickle fairweather friends, and they are no longer a part of my life. New relationships here are leading towards true friendships.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much for mentioning my post! Even though it was nothing compared to this one!! I love the way you explained toxic people and about how hard it can be to let them go. I had a really hard time doing that last year but after I did, it was almost liberating.
    I seriously love your blog and the way you write. You are like my blog mentor lol.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh wow… well, thank you but you don’t need it! See, you inspired me. And that’s what you get out here, in this community. You read posts and comments and they bring you further, they trigger thoughts, they inspire.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What a powerful post! And so very true. It’s a sad time when you discover friends aren’t who you thought they were but you are spot on that it makes you stronger. I have two friends who I would travel to the ends of the Earth for. Even if we don’t speak for months at a time, when we do it’s like no time has passed at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Amen! Couldn’t have said it better. I have three (there was a fourth, but he’s been gone for 25 years now) true, close friends that have been nearly life-long. Another handful that I count as true friends, though I’ve known them less time. And my wife. Those 8-9 people are a blessing and more than enough for me. πŸ˜ƒ

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Very good post Sandra πŸ˜€
    Toxic souls are not so far in their evolution, the only thing as we can do is to show them the way by example.
    Another thing is also, that most friends are not for life, they come and go and we learn by each other, then we split up again and find new to learn by. This is natural too.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Such a profound and true post Sandra. I have a handful of friends who, no matter how much time goes by since I’ve seen them, we pick up as though it was yesterday. But I’ve also learnt through a toxic so called ‘friend’, whose negativity almost drowned me how much I can take and how ultimately we have to look after ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. thank you for the mention πŸ˜€ And great post because I think most of us can relate to this. I also do the same thinking for the difficult people who comes in to our lives. I also try to understand why they are so negative and I try to let them see the good side of life but we can only do so much. I mean, you also have to help yourself, right? And it can also be dragging. You realise that when you keep hanging out with the negative people, you, somewhat, become negative too and that’s not good. Through the years I learned to put a limit on everything, including relationships. I believe it helped a lot. πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

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