It just doesn’t let me go. The question Danny posted and I reblogged yesterday: What is true love?
It was interesting to see what you left in my comments. It was also interesting to see what was left in the comments on Dream Big, Dream Often’s blog. If you don’t mind I would like to share some comments from Danny’s blog, comments that made me think, nod and smile:
“For me – “true love” was based on friendship. When the anger hits, frustration, tired, whatever – the “true friendship” remains – and the relationship weathers whatever. ‘True love” is not based on looks, lust, or “heat of the moment”. It seeks the heart of the receiver, does not motivate on the desires of the “lover”. It is tender, intimate, and always faithful. It trusts first and asks second. In all honesty, it is beyond description. It is the most marvelous gift one can receive, and should be treated as such.” – Marcus
“To describe it with one word… I would say true love is MAGIC! However, to go into more detail…I believe that true love inst just between a couple. There are so many different kinds of ‘love’. The love you have for your romantic partner, the love for your children, the love for your parents, siblings, other family members and friends. Every love is unique. I truly love my children, but I love each one in a different way… I think what I am trying to say,is… that you cant describe what ‘true love’ is with one answer because it is different for every relationship. I agree with Marcus… it is beyond description.” – Miss Rachel B
“True Love: Wanting for another every good thing, possible or impossible, however it may happen, however it may come, wherever and with whomever it may happen, without exception and unconditionally, and being willing to share with them as well all their griefs and pains. Yes, I know that is a very high bar, but what else could it mean?” – Bobcabkings
“Putting up with each others crap with a smile and laughter for over 25 years…….yep I guess that’s true love.” – Julie Powell
“To me true love is being completely yourself. When there’s no mask, no pretense. It’s honesty and trust, giving all of yourself. With no expectations back, it’s giving when nothing is asked, it’s communication yet it’s also being comfortable in silence and in saying very little. True love is more than just romance. It’s deep connection and friendship, it’s when you just seem to fit together.” – Miriam
“Universal consciousness, properly applied. I believe that the universe (multi-verse, if you prefer) and all contained therein is but a single entity expressing perceived separateness as a means to expand and fill the “nothing”, the non-universe, with its own basic constituent, love. My closest description of a universal guiding ethos would be a narcissistic theocracy, given that there would be nothing for the universe to love other than self. Consciousness is the tool of separateness and with it comes free will. The application of free will introduces the possibility of the positive and the negative, a condition that cannot exist without the concept of separation of entities. Thus the expansion of the universe is controlled by the use to which consciousness is put, accelerating when the positive (love) is expressed, slowing where its opposite, apathy, dominates. Proper application of our perceived individual universal consciousness then leads to fulfilling the purpose of the collective Universal Consciousness. Or something like that.” – Rixlibris
“In true love there should be no selfishness. Generally the love that most people proclaim to have is tainted by selfishness, self interest or desire. Including the love for a God. I can’t really understand how anybody can love an abstract concept or hypothesis such as a God. Religious people say that they love God because they want to avoid going to a supposed hell and earn a paradise which is pathetically ridiculous. Besides the fact that a God that punishes people for an eternity cannot by no definition be merciful. Of all forms of love the love of a good mother for her daughters/sons is the purest love in nature. I would add that the love of a dog for their human companions can be equally pure.” – Controversialcook
There been a couple more, short answers but good ones too. I just figured I pick the one that went slightly more into details. If you wonder, here is my comment before I will share some additional thoughts: “True love is that you know. You just simply know. You know you chose the right person, you know the right person chose you. No matter what, no matter when. True love is when you know you not only have a spouse but also a best friend on your side. True love is a very deep feeling of knowing, trusting, caring, belonging, growing together.”
All of yesterday the question did not let me go. It was there, sitting on my mind, playing games with me, popping up suddenly screaming at me to give more answers, to go further, to share my thoughts. It truly played games with me because when I wanted to sit down and write about it I suddenly couldn’t find the words to express myself. Maybe I needed the rest over night for my brain to find structure, to come up with what I’d like to tell you now.
True love is all of that. It is knowing that you belong, it’s the trust, it’s the friendship, it’s also attraction. Attraction to the person you feel most comfortable with. It’s the filling of the “nothing-ness”, the putting up with everything over years. It’s also the taking care of each other when needed, maybe even doing things you could have never imagined doing for anyone but now feels so normal to you for this one person. It’s giving up that last bite of chocolate. It’s being comfortable to tear down walls and take off masks. It’s about being yourself. All of this, all of what was mentioned.
And then I remembered the day our son was born, our first baby. The moment he was in my arms and the feeling I had then. It’s a feeling I simply can not describe. It was the moment it hit me! I thought I had found true love in my husband. I thought I had experienced the maximum of a feeling so hard to describe. But in that moment, in the moment I held and smelled my newborn, my baby boy, I knew that what I felt for my husband was as intense as it can get with anyone from the outside but that my love for my son was just so much more. On such a different level. I think the only way to describe this intensity is by saying: You only know what true love really is all about when you hold your baby for the first time.
It fills you up. It’s like a smooth, warm feeling that fills you up, head to toe. It’s an awareness of unconditional love, of caring and worrying and doing everything without even thinking twice. It’s the knowledge that you would give up your life for this little person without hesitation. My children taught me, that there are different levels of true love. The one you feel for our partner and the one you feel for your children.
It works both ways, you know. As much as you feel loved by your partner, the intensity you get from your kids is different. It’s this abundance of love coming your way. From your children. It’s in their eyes, it’s in their hugs, in their giggles. Yes, you argue, yes they get mad at you and you get mad at them. But they love you. Truly love you. In the cleanest possible way. Not strings attached.
I know that they will grow up and eventually find love, hopefully have a family on their own and experience what is so hard to describe. I know that latest by when their kids will be born their love and focus will shift entirely to their children, their family. This is how I think it’s supposed to be. The focus changes from “looking back” to “looking forward”. Their unconditional love will shift away from their parents to the spouse and to their children. It doesn’t mean that they will no longer love us. But it will be different. And that is totally okay. It’s the circle of live and, if you like, the circle of love.