Struggle and Control

I’m back at the point where I struggle. I struggle with keeping on track with my healthy eating, although I approved again (and if only a little bit), I struggle with not being able to workout due to throwing my back out end of last week in the last exercise of my workout. And I struggle with the fact that I got slowed down once again.

Looking at the last year I find that whenever I built up my fitness to a point where I was okay again, something happened to slow me down. I got sick, we went away and now the back. I clearly remember the struggle I had when I did my very first workout again after being out for 3 months.

It’s not as if I do incredibly stupid workouts. It’s not as if I challenge my body to the max. Tomorrow will be a week since my last workout. My back is still stiff and I honestly don’t know if I should workout or not. But I struggle with the idea of not doing it because I know that the longer I don’t workout the harder it will be to get back into the routine again. I simply struggle with the idea of having to go through the entire build up phase again.

I think the one thing I struggle the most is the fact that it’s not in my hands. I mean I can just try a workout today and see if my back holds up but if it doesn’t I will have to go back to just going for a walk for probably another week. It’s a control thing and I feel I’m not in control. And I struggle with that idea.

See, when I clean and then turn around only to find the house in a mess again it does bother me but it doesn’t bother me as much. Not even the windows. Oh I really dislike cleaning the windows. You know why? Because it’s a struggle to get them clean. And then, the moment you think they are nice and clean, the light shines through in a different angle and you see spots that are not clean. Then you clean those spots and think you’ve done it now. Maybe you can even walk away and do something and feel comfortable. Only to come back and either seeing your dog licking the window or jumping up on them to catch a fly or one of your kids putting their hands on the cold window because… well just because. They’re kids. No reason needed to put your hands, noses or tongues on clean windows…

Yes, I struggle in this moment. With the fact that the windows I just cleaned are not clean anymore. But I also struggle not to join in and do it too. I struggle with not bursting into laughing (maybe it would be a slightly crazy laugh… but anyway…). Sometimes I even struggle to not just walk out of the house and only come back when everyone is sound asleep…

There are many things in life you have no control over. My body, my fitness, my eating habits though are the one thing that I can have control over. Maybe the cleaning too… at least to a certain degree. So in a way the control gets taken away from me and this is probably what I struggle with.

All those struggles I’ve mentioned are actually really small. I know that there are people out there trying to grasp much bigger issues, people who struggle with real life problems. Compared to them what I mentioned is ridiculous. So we are back to the control thing. For many out there their struggles are in regards to something they simply have no control over, never had and never will have.

Bottom line is what we make of the situation (as always, right?). We can give in and keep hanging on to what bothers us, to what we struggle with. Or we can work on it. Step by step, starting this climb up to the top of the mountain that seems to stand in our way. I guess the moment we accept what the issue is we will be able to find a way to work on it. To find a way to deal with it, to make it better, to move on. We just need to stand up and work on it. And this is what I will do today. Not working out another day? No! Taking the risk to hurt myself again? No!

Finding an exercise I can do until my back is all good again? Oh for sure! It’s all about being mindful of my body…

What do you struggle with at the moment?