It’s been a year since I’ve published the post I’m sharing today as a Blast From The Past. I was tempted to write a new one but I would only repeat myself. Things have not changed other than my little girl is a year older, a year and many centimeters closer to being taller then me. She is even smarter, even prettier and even more amazing than she was a year ago. Words can only come that close to describe what I feel for her, how proud I am of her.
You are cuddling close to me and I feel your warmth and hear you breathe. I smell your hair, hold you close. You wrap your arms around me as tight as you can and take another deep breath. I hold you close and I caress your head. I kiss your head and inhale your scent.
“I love you, Momma.” You whisper.
“I love you too.” I say.
Words cannot describe how much I love you. How deep my feeling is for you. What I would do in order to protect you. Only parents can understand.
I remember how I held you right after you were born. The first time ever. The way your skin smelled, your head. The best scent ever. Your birthday is coming up and I can’t believe you’re already that big! Where did the time go?
So many times I dried your tears, I cleaned your nose, I put a band aid on. All those nappies I’ve changed. So many times I hugged and kissed you. I sang you a lullaby and told you stories. We laughed and cried, played and drew together. I listen to your stories and songs, discuss your theories on life with you and smile about the innocence in what you say. All those sleepless nights. All those nights I got up because you had a nightmare or felt sick. So many nights you sneaked into our bed because you couldn’t fall asleep anymore. So many nights I couldn’t fall asleep because I was listening. Listening to you breathing. Hoping you would feel better the next day, hoping for a good night of sleep for you in order to get well again. The days after when I was totally exhausted but happy because you were back to normal again and full of energy.
It’s all worth while.
You changed so much already and you will change even more. I wonder for how long you will enjoy lying there, cuddling with me and for how long I will be allowed to caress your hair. You’re growing up fast. One day you will be taller than me. That’s not far from now anymore.
I wonder who you will bring home one day, who will be the first one to break your heart. It doesn’t matter. I’ll be there for you if you need me to.
I wish your life would be free of disappointments and crazy expectations but I know there will be some. I know you will be able to handle them and you will be strong enough to emerge from them as an even stronger person.
You are smart and beautiful with a big heart. You trust and still you question what doesn’t seem right. You already stand up for yourself and I know you always will. You showed me already more than once that you can deal with difficult decisions. I know I was never even close to the person you are when I was your age.
I look at you, give you a kiss and hold you even tighter. You are all I could ever wish for. Soon there will be another year added to your life, another chapter in your story. Until a little while ago I was in charge of writing your story but I see how you take over, bit by bit. Soon you will be the sole author of your book and I know it will be fantastic.
You are no longer a baby and still… you will always be my baby. I’m so proud of you. I always was and I know I always will be.