I’m very happily married for 15 years now. I know compared to some of you this is nothing. And still, it’s more than other relationships had. Of course there are times we challenge each other. But that’s normal, I think. After all it’s all about growing. And sometimes, when you grow it feels like a tectonic plate rubbing on another. Pressure is on, pressure needs to be released. The trick is to do it in a way no damage is done.
For some reason marriage seems to be a scary thing for some. I always wondered why. Just overheard a conversation recently about marriage and the fear of tying the knot. I thought I share a Blast From The Past with you about what my thoughts are.
I was watching a couple of Big Bang Theory Episodes recently and in one of them they discuss how scared they actually are about tying the knot. And I started wondering. Why is it that marriage seems so scary?
I guess it’s something I can never really understand. I grew up in an intact family, where mom and dad loved each other and everything seemed to be okay. Oh, there were fights but you know, it seemed normal. Like a thunderstorm clearing the air. For me getting married was always something nice, something to look forward to. Something romantic and in a way final.
I never worried about giving up a huge piece of me or giving up my freedom. I never worried about losing something. I never worried about making a mistake. My husband and I are probably also very special. I mean we just did it completely different than anybody else would. Instead of dating for an eternity, living together for years, getting to know each others good and bad sides, we just went for it. We met, we dated for a short time, he proposed and we got married. All of it in 6 months.
Everyone thought I’ve lost my marbles. Everyone thought he lost his. Well, we are still here. Many other couples are not.
I was never worried about making a mistake. Not even after my friends talked to me and told me that I’m basically getting married to a stranger. Honestly, I think they were probably right. But somehow I just knew. So although I basically didn’t know the guy I was about to get married to, I never felt worried. I was never scared of making this “huge” step. For me it was just putting something in a written form that was already there. Respect, love and a feeling of belonging together.
Nothing would change after saying “yes”. And it really didn’t. As much as that piece of paper means to me, as unimportant it is in the big picture. It’s nothing more than a signature. You don’t sell your soul, you don’t sell your body and you don’t sell your freedom.
For me it was always clear that if it wouldn’t work out, you could get out. At any time. Of course given that you don’t have to consider children. The kids change things. That’s for sure. But up until that point, you are as free as you were before.
And that’s why I wonder. Why I wonder why people get so freaked out about getting married. If you are with the right person and if you love this person from the bottom of your heart then you also feel and know that you belong. If this feeling is there, marriage is nothing scary. If the respect and love is there between the two of you, then marriage is nothing scary.
If you doubt the reasons you are in the relationship though, it’s a different story. Maybe you get scared of getting married because deep inside of you you know that you are not meant to last. Maybe you can tell that there is too much between you, pushing you apart instead of pulling you together. If you are not sure about your feelings then marriage will scare you. But then maybe you should also question how much sense it makes to stay in a relationship like that. As every day would be a challenge.
Find out if you are really into the person you spend your time with. Find out if your love and respect goes deep enough. Find out if you would be there for this person if he or she gets sick. Ask yourself if you want to be with this person when you are old. Listen to your gut feeling, listen to your heart. Sometimes your head would tell you different things than your heart. But I strongly believe that the heart knows. It knows if it’s not right and it for sure knows if it is right.