Blast From The Past – Scary Marriage

I’m very happily married for 15 years now. I know compared to some of you this is nothing. And still, it’s more than other relationships had. Of course there are times we challenge each other. But that’s normal, I think. After all it’s all about growing. And sometimes, when you grow it feels like a tectonic plate rubbing on another. Pressure is on, pressure needs to be released. The trick is to do it in a way no damage is done.

For some reason marriage seems to be a scary thing for some. I always wondered why. Just overheard a conversation recently about marriage and the fear of tying the knot. I thought I share a Blast From The Past with you about what my thoughts are.

I was watching a couple of Big Bang Theory Episodes recently and in one of them they discuss how scared they actually are about tying the knot. And I started wondering. Why is it that marriage seems so scary?

I guess it’s something I can never really understand. I grew up in an intact family, where mom and dad loved each other and everything seemed to be okay. Oh, there were fights but you know, it seemed normal. Like a thunderstorm clearing the air. For me getting married was always something nice, something to look forward to. Something romantic and in a way final.

I never worried about giving up a huge piece of me or giving up my freedom. I never worried about losing something. I never worried about making a mistake. My husband and I are probably also very special. I mean we just did it completely different than anybody else would. Instead of dating for an eternity, living together for years, getting to know each others good and bad sides, we just went for it. We met, we dated for a short time, he proposed and we got married. All of it in 6 months.

Everyone thought I’ve lost my marbles. Everyone thought he lost his. Well, we are still here. Many other couples are not.

I was never worried about making a mistake. Not even after my friends talked to me and told me that I’m basically getting married to a stranger. Honestly, I think they were probably right. But somehow I just knew. So although I basically didn’t know the guy I was about to get married to, I never felt worried. I was never scared of making this “huge” step. For me it was just putting something in a written form that was already there. Respect, love and a feeling of belonging together.

Nothing would change after saying “yes”. And it really didn’t. As much as that piece of paper means to me, as unimportant it is in the big picture. It’s nothing more than a signature. You don’t sell your soul, you don’t sell your body and you don’t sell your freedom.

For me it was always clear that if it wouldn’t work out, you could get out. At any time. Of course given that you don’t have to consider children. The kids change things. That’s for sure. But up until that point, you are as free as you were before.

And that’s why I wonder. Why I wonder why people get so freaked out about getting married. If you are with the right person and if you love this person from the bottom of your heart then you also feel and know that you belong. If this feeling is there, marriage is nothing scary. If the respect and love is there between the two of you, then marriage is nothing scary.

If you doubt the reasons you are in the relationship though, it’s a different story. Maybe you get scared of getting married because deep inside of you you know that you are not meant to last. Maybe you can tell that there is too much between you, pushing you apart instead of pulling you together. If you are not sure about your feelings then marriage will scare you. But then maybe you should also question how much sense it makes to stay in a relationship like that. As every day would be a challenge.

Find out if you are really into the person you spend your time with. Find out if your love and respect goes deep enough. Find out if you would be there for this person if he or she gets sick. Ask yourself if you want to be with this person when you are old. Listen to your gut feeling, listen to your heart. Sometimes your head would tell you different things than your heart. But I strongly believe that the heart knows. It knows if it’s not right and it for sure knows if it is right.

Image result for images wedding

22 thoughts on “Blast From The Past – Scary Marriage

  1. Nice! Paul and I met, fated, got engaged and married in about 6 months as well 😊 Now, we’ve been married longer than Matt and I were and we had known each other for over 20 years before marrying. There is no right or wrong formula, just going with your heart πŸ’œπŸ’›πŸ’š

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  2. I read a quote somewhere that said loving someone its like handing someone your glass heart with a hammer, and hoping they won’t use the hammer. πŸ˜‰ I think that the idea of being hurt so deeply is what scares even those with the most courageous heart, but I think it goes even much deeper for those who might falsely believe that if they had somehow been more, they would not have been so easily to hurt. G-uno

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  3. Romance in a single sentence: “She whispered into my ear, I drew back and said ‘the hell you are,’ and then we got married.” Congratulations on following your heart and finding happiness.

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  4. Your marriage sounds similar to mine. Quick and easy. I just knew too. 18 years later, we are still together. I won’t say marriage is scary but we’ve had a lot of rough spots. I think losing our parents and having a lack of a support system caused a lot of drama. I’m still learning how to be married. Divorce isn’t an option for us. We have chosen to remain faithful to our vows but not out of some duty. Because we love each other, even when it’s tough. Love, by definition, requires sacrifice. And it requires a selfless attitude. If you can remember that in the tough times, you can make it.

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  5. You’ll be happy to know I have FINALLY started writing our love story to be added to your feature on the subject. In response to this particular post and the comments I have read following, I agree that “when you know, you know”, at least at the start. I’m sure you would agree, though, that there are times that you have to remind yourself that it was once that way and hold on to that feeling. In my experience, our successful and happy 26 year marriage has endured because we both continue to bring that memory to mind, among other things, of course. To get through those tough times, while we have been working through our occasional “issues”, I remind both of us that, as long as we can talk about it, we’ll be OK.

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    • I totally agree with you. A relationship evolves. And it needs maintenance. On many levels. The butterfly feeling will disappear, will be exchanged with something different. And yes, sometimes you have to remind yourself about the way it was and what you experienced together and how you got to where you are now. Communication is a key point for a good relationship. For a lasting one too.

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