What makes a relationship last? I know, I’m not the only one thinking about this question. What is it that makes people stay together and overcome obstacle after obstacle and only grow stronger in their bond while others throw in the towel after the first tiny bump in the road?
I guess there is probably no clear answer to this question. The reasons might be as diverse as the people involved are. And yet I think there must be one thing in common.
Relationships lasted longer generations ago. Although it doesn’t mean necessarily that they were happier, it sure means that challenges had to be encountered together. There was just no easy way out, right? People needed each other more years back than they do nowadays. And I think because they were not distracted by all the electronic entertainment we have around us at all time they probably got to know each other differently. Deeper.
Voyager Of Freedom shared a quote yesterday that immediately captured me:
“It’s a truly beautiful thing when you find someone who wants to fall in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience & make love to your thoughts. Someone who is patiently willing to work their way over the walls you have meticulously spent a lifetime building. Sapiosexuals despise small talk. They want to talk about death, life on other planets, religion, sex, your flaws, politics, atoms, favorite scents, your childhood, the lies you have told, what keeps you up at night, goals, insecurities, what makes you laugh uncontrollably, the meaning of life; the list just goes on. We want someone who not only respects our differences, but doesn’t fear the challenges of us. Someone with depth & drive. Someone who is obsessively curious about learning every intimate detail about us & feels fortunate that they get the rare opportunity to see a side of us that others could only wish for. We don’t want, nor need, someone who only wants to know ‘what’s up’, or thinks ‘wyd’ is sufficient effort to tear down sturdy walls & undo an entire existence of disappointments & shallow encounters. For us, mental stimulation supersedes physical. Arousal comes not from the body, but from the intellectual soul.”-Unknown Author
We live in a fast pace society. A society that focuses on social media rather than individuals. A society that throws things out when they are broken rather than fixing them. And what applies to objects also applies to people. Nadine nails it when answering to my comment in regards to this quote: “It’s hard nowadays to find that person or that connection especially people nowadays focus more on the physical aspect.”
Do we really tend to not try to see all the different layers a personality can offer? Are we that superficial to only see what is there in plain sight, without trying to go deeper? Did we really get to the point where we just take what we want, when we want it and as soon as it’s not new or fresh anymore we get so bored with it that we just walk away? Without trying to see beneath the first layer?
I believe that people are… well, let’s use a food item… like a millefeuille. We might look good from the outside, tempting. But it’s not just the outside that matters. It’s all those different layers that come after you go deeper. After you pass this outside layer. Layer after layer of discovering what truly makes the entire piece so special. Maybe you can kind of expect what you might find. And yet you can never be really sure how all those layers taste when you discover them. How they taste separately and how they taste if enjoyed all at once, all together. Sweet, soft, crunchy, creamy. So good. So desirable.
People are the same, you know. Layer after layer there is something to discover. Something to enjoy. On its own or combined with all the other fantastic layers. We just need to take the time to really discover those layers. To go deeper and not just stop at the shiny surface that might be so very different than everything below.
I believe that the relationships that last and overcome all those obstacles go deeper. I believe they are between those people that took the time and effort to go deeper, to truly see who their partner is and understand all those different layers. Maybe they like all of those different layers. Maybe they are not too keen on some of them but all the others even those that are not a favorite out again.
I believe that a relationship can only be truly lasting if you can love your partner with all his or her layers. It’s discovering the details we might not show just anybody.