Don’t worry, this is not a hidden weird message to my fellow Swiss. What you see in this pic is a bread roll and what would basically be 5 cents.
There is a saying in Swiss German (be prepared, I will write it the way I think is right in Swiss German): De Füfer und sWeggli ha. It means to have both, the bread roll and the money you’d have to pay for it and it stands for something impossible. Not that 5 cents would buy you anything anymore… But that’s not what this post is about.
Having both, the 5 cents and the bread. It’s what The Editor’s Journal’s post made me think of. A situation where you really don’t want to decide.
My standard answers to some questions “Why not both” doesn’t work here…
As much as you love your new partner now, you would most probably not be with him if your first husband would have never disappeared. But then you are also with him for a reason. I would not just remarry for the sake of being married. And let’s just pretend you would not remarry just so you would not being a single parent facing all the challenges you might. Let’s pretend although your first husband was the love of your life, you find someone you love and that’s why you get married again.
And now you are stuck with two. The man you loved in the first place and who is the real father of your kids. On the other hand the man who you love now and who is equally the father of your kids, maybe even more, depending on how long he was around in comparison to the birth-father. Actually they most probably spent more time with the current husband as it takes time until someone is declared dead. And someone has to be declared dead for you to remarry.
What a complicated situation to be in…
You not only have to consider your feelings, which is tricky enough, but for sure also your children’s. What if they were very little when your first husband disappeared and have no real memories of him? What if all they know is life with your second husband who is a loving and fantastic dad to them?
I also wonder if the person who returns will be the same that you lost. What if he has changed? I believe that we all change over time. Whatever happened to him must have had an impact on him too. So is he truly the same man you lost?
I can’t stop thinking about the poor current husband… Imagine what pain he must be in!
Alright, I had a coffee now and here is my conclusion:
I guess someone will end up getting hurt in any case, unless everyone turns into a Mormon, which is highly unlikely if tendencies were not there in the first place. As confusing as it might be in the beginning you would know what to do. Back to gut feeling, you know. You will feel it. As much as you have to consider your children and your new husband as well, it would be a decision only you can make. Personally I would try to figure out if the person who returns is still the same I lost, they same I fell in love with and the same I deeply loved. Time changes someone and depending on what he had to go through (and me too) the connection we once had might not be as strong as before or even there anymore.
No matter what I would decide, the kids would kind of win as they would find themselves having both dads in their lives.
I have to say that my head is spinning and I’m glad I’m not in a situation that seems highly unlikely. But hey, you never know, right… In any case, I would really love to hear what your take on it is, so if you don’t mind, share it with me…