Erika Kind has her way. She has a way of inspiring me. I read one of her posts today and couldn’t stop thinking about how we perceive people. To be honest I’m not even sure if my comment on her post and this post make any sense in connection to what she wrote.
When I read Erika’s post, I couldn’t stop thinking about how we all experience people in a different way. The same people. But we all receive their messages differently. I wondered why and then I started thinking about something a friend of mine said to me a while ago:
“You know, some people look at a plate. And although everyone knows that the plate is white, those people want to see it black. So the plate is black for them. It’s what they want, the way they want to see it. And although you can have a million people on your side, trying to explain to that person that the plate truly is white, they will never believe it. Because it’s not what they want to hear, it’s not how they want to see it and it’s not the way it supports their ideal picture of the situation. You will never be able to change it. All you can do is realize that you will never be able to convince that person of the truth and walk away.”
This advice has helped me deal with some issues in my life and made my life so much easier in the process. And I do think that it also is the reason for the fact that we receive people in a different way.
Some of us do not really listen. Some of us don’t want to see who the person really is. They want them to fit in. They want them to fit a certain norm. And they want them to say certain things. When they ask questions they have an answer they want to hear in their head so they will only hear that message and not what truly has been said. When they look at you they will not see you the way you truly are but the way they want you to be. You can be as happy as possible, if they want you to struggle they will see you struggling. Even if you are not. And the other way around as well of course.
It’s extremely hard to deal with people like this especially if you have to face them on a regular base or if they are close to you in any way. They drain you. Even if you know that walking away is a solution sometimes it’s just not possible.
I can’t change other people. What I can do though is make sure that I keep an open mind, an open heart and that I will always truly listen. Listen not only to the words but also to what is behind them and try to truly understand and see the person behind them. I can work on not having expectations so my mind can remain free from ideas of how things should be said, answered or asked.
So always truly listen and really look at someone and you will truly hear what they have to say and see the real person.
In the end it’s not our decision who a person is supposed to be, feel or life their life. This is a decision each and everyone has to make for themselves.