Erika Kind has her way. She has a way of inspiring me. I read one of her posts today and couldn’t stop thinking about how we perceive people. To be honest I’m not even sure if my comment on her post and this post make any sense in connection to what she wrote.
When I read Erika’s post, I couldn’t stop thinking about how we all experience people in a different way. The same people. But we all receive their messages differently. I wondered why and then I started thinking about something a friend of mine said to me a while ago:
“You know, some people look at a plate. And although everyone knows that the plate is white, those people want to see it black. So the plate is black for them. It’s what they want, the way they want to see it. And although you can have a million people on your side, trying to explain to that person that the plate truly is white, they will never believe it. Because it’s not what they want to hear, it’s not how they want to see it and it’s not the way it supports their ideal picture of the situation. You will never be able to change it. All you can do is realize that you will never be able to convince that person of the truth and walk away.”
This advice has helped me deal with some issues in my life and made my life so much easier in the process. And I do think that it also is the reason for the fact that we receive people in a different way.
Some of us do not really listen. Some of us don’t want to see who the person really is. They want them to fit in. They want them to fit a certain norm. And they want them to say certain things. When they ask questions they have an answer they want to hear in their head so they will only hear that message and not what truly has been said. When they look at you they will not see you the way you truly are but the way they want you to be. You can be as happy as possible, if they want you to struggle they will see you struggling. Even if you are not. And the other way around as well of course.
It’s extremely hard to deal with people like this especially if you have to face them on a regular base or if they are close to you in any way. They drain you. Even if you know that walking away is a solution sometimes it’s just not possible.
I can’t change other people. What I can do though is make sure that I keep an open mind, an open heart and that I will always truly listen. Listen not only to the words but also to what is behind them and try to truly understand and see the person behind them. I can work on not having expectations so my mind can remain free from ideas of how things should be said, answered or asked.
So always truly listen and really look at someone and you will truly hear what they have to say and see the real person.
In the end it’s not our decision who a person is supposed to be, feel or life their life. This is a decision each and everyone has to make for themselves.
A Momma's View 
Well said.
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Thank you, Miriam!
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Miriam ….I could’ve said the same …. but not as well…..Bravo!
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It is wonderful what you said here, Sandra! Yes, it is what we are focused on that we want to hear or see and we are blind for all the other sounds and colors. It is as you said: When we notice this then at least we should try to listen and look with unveiled ears and eyes. Or how else could we expect others to do so…. I just thought what if we are understood but don’t see it because we expect to be seen in a certain way….
I love your post, Sandra!
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Good point… lots to think about again…
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Yes, it never stops…. we are inspiring each other constantly… haha!
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Each one of us has a different set of experiences and those experiences (in a way) influence who we are. No one on this planet has had the exact same experiences in the exact same order. Therefore we all perceive people, places, things in a slightly different manner. So once we are set in our beliefs, it’s very difficult to change them (or others) Love your post, Sandra!
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Thanks, Eric. I’m sure you can relate. And I agree with you. It’s difficult to remain open. And still we should.
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Too often, when someone is talking, we are just waiting for them to finish their thought so we can add in our opinion. As a result, we may miss the core message. By bringing awareness to the way we listen, we are able to stay open to the speaker’s perspective and recognize judgments as they arise. The intent of listening mindfully is to pay attention to the speaker without interruption, without getting defensive, and without a need to always be right or make a point. To get the whole picture, we need to engage all of our senses and concentrate on the personal gestures and the messages that are being communicated. This is an aspect of mindful listening, another skill I have been working to improve, especially when dealing with my now-grown children. Probably would have been more beneficial to acquire this skill earlier, when they were little, but better late than never, I say!
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You made me laugh. Yes, better late than never.
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