Have you ever heard people complain about not having a life anymore? I find that in general a very stupid thing to say. As long as you are alive you have a life! What I think is even harsher is hearing them say that they don’t have a life anymore because of their children. Shouldn’t your kids be part of your life? What makes me shake my head is when I hear them say this in front of their kids. Those are the moments I have to walk away in order to not go on a rant. Seriously: Just don’t get it!
First of all: You have a life. Your kids are part of your life and even if there are hard moments, they make your life so much better if you truly let them. Saying something like that in front of your kids is hard. Especially if it is said in such a serious way. How do you think it makes your kids feel? How would it make you feel?
Just had one of those moments, where I had to walk away. I had to turn around and walk away seeing the little girls face when the guy said it. It got to her. It hurt her. And I hope she will realize how much joy she brought in her parents lives. I really do.
I realize that sometimes we find ourselves in a situation that seems hard and maybe close to unsolvable. Maybe we feel like we are slaves to our job, our families, whatever else you can find out there. The way we live our life is up to us and we are the only ones in charge of it. Every decision we take is our decision. No matter how much pressure we feel we get from the outside. We hold the key. We are in charge. We can change everything.
I’d like to share a Blast From The Past about my life not being over just because of our children with you. And I also like to leave you with this: Next time when you want to say that your life is over, think about it. Think of everyone out there that truly sees the last couple of minutes of their life tick away. Think about how they usually live their last minutes. Because people who know that their life soon will be over usually make the most out of the very last moments. Maybe we should do that too. And live our life, every little moment of it. As if our time is running out.
Hearing people say “remember before we had children? When we still had a life…” Why would you say something like this? And why would you actually say it in front of your kids? It makes me so angry to hear that. And it makes me angry when it’s said in front of children. What they might hear could be down the line of “hey you, you destroyed my life…”
I thought about this many times and today while reading An Armchair Perfectionist’s post it all came back up again. I agree a lot of things change when you become a parent. Of course you are no longer as flexible as you used to be. And of course you have to re-arrange your life to a certain point. Simply because there’s someone in your life who needs you to be there. But does that really mean that you have to give up on your life? Does it?
I don’t think so! You just need to organize it differently. And that can be fun too.
I remember how the mom of one of my best friends said that the time to travel is over when you have children. Mind you that was when we traveled all the way around this globe from Australia to Switzerland to visit friends and family. I was sitting there and thought I did not hear right. I asked her what she means and she said that as long as the kids are little it’s not possible to make big trips. There I was, having moved my 3 year old from Switzerland to Australia, having traveled with him before and afterwards and coming off a plane more or less after a 24 hour trip with a 4 and a 8 year old. It was the second time we visited Switzerland then.
You can’t travel with kids. They don’t appreciate it. It’s a pain in the rear end. Why would you travel to far away places with your kids if they don’t really enjoy it? And so on…
Frankly, I think this is all a big pile of BS. The only thing that changes is that you will have to spend more as there are more people traveling. You might have to take it slower, allow more time as it’s not easy to chase after a flight with little kids. But you know what? That’s not rocket science…
We traveled quite a bit with our kids and no matter how little they were there’s always something they enjoy and something that stays in their memory.
I think it’s sad that some people seem to only see what they “lose” when they become parents rather than looking at what you gain. Because I think you actually gain heaps. When they then start explaining to me what they miss, I’m usually surprised. And I honestly think that it’s not about being parents but more about being older and missing being young and independent as such. Kids or no kids, I wouldn’t want to party through the night anymore. There are plenty of things that were heaps of fun when I was young but I wouldn’t want to do it anymore now. Maybe that has to do with being a parent. Maybe not.
What I do know is, that I have an amazing life thanks to my children, who show me every day what life is really about. I would not want to change this. I have a fantastic life, being able to see them develop and experiencing new things. I have an amazing life seeing the world through their eyes.
I have a life. I have a life thanks to them.