What story do the things you wear tell about you?
In short probably that I’m a jeans, t-shirt and yoga pants person… Is that a good thing? Is that how I define my style? Not so sure about that…
I think if what I wear would describe my personality I would most probably be labeled “lost”.
Here is my dilemma: I don’t feel comfortable when shopping for cloths. I often wonder if I truly have a style. And what it is… I like my jeans, I like my t-shirts, I like my yoga pants. And at the same time I like my dresses, my skirts, my heels. Problem is, that I wear jeans, t-shirts and yoga pants 90% of the time. Or even more…
Heading out to buy cloths feels almost stressful for me. The problem is that I know exactly what I want but then I will not find it. And I can’t let go of the idea of what I want and move on to something I can actually find. So I go back home, empty handed and honestly slightly frustrated for not having found anything again.
Somewhere in my life I also picked up the little bug in my ear, telling me that I don’t look good in this or that. And it sits there and keeps telling me. I only own dresses because of my husband. It was him who convinced me to buy them.
I remember standing in the fitting room, trying on yet another pair of jeans when he came over with a couple of dresses and asked me to try them on. I looked at him and told him that I could not wear them, that they would not look good on me. He simply said he would like to see if it’s true. I was wrong. They actually looked pretty good on me. I could totally wear them (I don’t wear them often enough, but hey, summer is just around the corner from us now).
What I wear on a daily base tells another story too. It tells the story of a mother of homeschooled children. A SAHM. Not that I think they all dress alike. But it tells my story. The story of getting up in the morning, knowing that I only have to get out of the house to walk the dogs. So yoga pants it is. Then I’m home making breakfast. Yoga pants. Then it’s about doing something outside with the kids and most of the time yoga pants still fit the occasion. Sometimes I might change into my jeans…
I like it comfortable. But I like to dress up. At some point dressing up became attached to something special. I do dress differently when I head out to the kids activities but if I compare myself to the other moms there I often think I could put more effort in. Then I realize as well that most of them came right from work. A workplace that expects them to wear blouses, skirts and high heels. A workplace that expects them to wear makeup.
And I’m glad I don’t have to. As pretty as they all look.
My lost is not lost. It’s just confused. It’s being torn between wearing what is comfortable and wearing what is been seen as sexy, career focused, modern. I’m a woman, so of course I would like to have it all. But what does define ME?
Do I need outer layers to define ME?
If so, which ones are the real Me?
Do I still need outer layers to sell an image of me?
Recently some guy made a comment about shirts for a girls sports team. He mentioned that they should go for the one style “as it’s cut to highlight the female body therefor would give the girls a fantastic feeling”… I almost got sick hearing this… While the wheels in my head were still turning trying to process what I just heard, especially coming from a mid 40 year old guy talking about 10-18 year old girls, another woman in the round spoke up. She looked at him and asked him if he’s serious. “Do you see what women wear? Do you really think it feels comfortable wearing all this shit? Do you really think we wear it because we feel comfortable in it? Now you want to bring this to our sport as well? This is about sport and not about a catwalk!”
With this she said it all. Most of the time it’s not about what we truly want to wear and what we consider our style. It’s about what we are supposed to wear. Don’t get me wrong. I know that you can feel good in a skirt and a blouse and high heels too. But I’m sure that most of us at least take off the high heels the moment we get home…
Our outer layers are often chosen to sell an image of ourselves to the world. The image of power, of control, of beauty, of freedom. Our outer layers are part of a mask we put on. We choose to put on. A mask that suits the purpose but hides the vulnerable side we all have.
Outer layers don’t define us. They might give you a hint of who we want to be, maybe want we want to achieve, but they are not who we really are.
I’d like to leave you with this comment and an amazing TEDtalk I highly recommend and I’ve shared before:
“The message to women in society is the same: You are valued for how you look, not for what is in your heart or in your head.” – Tracy Spicer