Outer Layers

What story do the things you wear tell about you?

In short probably that I’m a jeans, t-shirt and yoga pants person… Is that a good thing? Is that how I define my style? Not so sure about that…

I think if what I wear would describe my personality I would most probably be labeled “lost”.

Here is my dilemma: I don’t feel comfortable when shopping for cloths. I often wonder if I truly have a style. And what it is… I like my jeans, I like my t-shirts, I like my yoga pants. And at the same time I like my dresses, my skirts, my heels. Problem is, that I wear jeans, t-shirts and yoga pants 90% of the time. Or even more…


Image result for meme sahm yoga pants

Heading out to buy cloths feels almost stressful for me. The problem is that I know exactly what I want but then I will not find it. And I can’t let go of the idea of what I want and move on to something I can actually find. So I go back home, empty handed and honestly slightly frustrated for not having found anything again.

Somewhere in my life I also picked up the little bug in my ear, telling me that I don’t look good in this or that. And it sits there and keeps telling me. I only own dresses because of my husband. It was him who convinced me to buy them.

I remember standing in the fitting room, trying on yet another pair of jeans when he came over with a couple of dresses and asked me to try them on. I looked at him and told him that I could not wear them, that they would not look good on me. He simply said he would like to see if it’s true. I was wrong. They actually looked pretty good on me. I could totally wear them (I don’t wear them often enough, but hey, summer is just around the corner from us now).

What I wear on a daily base tells another story too. It tells the story of a mother of homeschooled children. A SAHM. Not that I think they all dress alike. But it tells my story. The story of getting up in the morning, knowing that I only have to get out of the house to walk the dogs. So yoga pants it is. Then I’m home making breakfast. Yoga pants. Then it’s about doing something outside with the kids and most of the time yoga pants still fit the occasion. Sometimes I might change into my jeans…

I like it comfortable. But I like to dress up. At some point dressing up became attached to something special. I do dress differently when I head out to the kids activities but if I compare myself to the other moms there I often think I could put more effort in. Then I realize as well that most of them came right from work. A workplace that expects them to wear blouses, skirts and high heels. A workplace that expects them to wear makeup.

And I’m glad I don’t have to. As pretty as they all look.

My lost is not lost. It’s just confused. It’s being torn between wearing what is comfortable and wearing what is been seen as sexy, career focused, modern. I’m a woman, so of course I would like to have it all. But what does define ME?

Do I need outer layers to define ME?

If so, which ones are the real Me?

Do I still need outer layers to sell an image of me?

Recently some guy made a comment about shirts for a girls sports team. He mentioned that they should go for the one style “as it’s cut to highlight the female body therefor would give the girls a fantastic feeling”… I almost got sick hearing this… While the wheels in my head were still turning trying to process what I just heard, especially coming from a mid 40 year old guy talking about 10-18 year old girls, another woman in the round spoke up. She looked at him and asked him if he’s serious. “Do you see what women wear? Do you really think it feels comfortable wearing all this shit? Do you really think we wear it because we feel comfortable in it? Now you want to bring this to our sport as well? This is about sport and not about a catwalk!”

With this she said it all. Most of the time it’s not about what we truly want to wear and what we consider our style. It’s about what we are supposed to wear. Don’t get me wrong. I know that you can feel good in a skirt and a blouse and high heels too. But I’m sure that most of us at least take off the high heels the moment we get home…

Our outer layers are often chosen to sell an image of ourselves to the world. The image of power, of control, of beauty, of freedom. Our outer layers are part of a mask we put on. We choose to put on. A mask that suits the purpose but hides the vulnerable side we all have.

Outer layers don’t define us. They might give you a hint of who we want to be, maybe want we want to achieve, but they are not who we really are.

I’d like to leave you with this comment and an amazing TEDtalk I highly recommend and I’ve shared before:

“The message to women in society is the same: You are valued for how you look, not for what is in your heart or in your head.” – Tracy Spicer

Outer Layers

11 thoughts on “Outer Layers

  1. The most interesting part of that TED talk ? When she stripped down, wiped off the makeup, she looked almost exactly the same to me. Why don’t we get it ? Sometimes, I run out in the a.m. and forget that I’d not put on makeup that day. I only notice if I go by a mirror in a store. I certainly don’t feel any different. Food for thought. Thanks, Sandra. ☺

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am not what I wear at all. I’m a jeans and yoga pants kind of person too, but most of the time that’s not how I get to dress. It’s like men who always have to wear a shirt and tie – for most of them that’s not who they are at all, but life requires it. Either way though, I’ve always been in the lost category too. I don’t know how to match anything and like you, I almost always come home empty handed when I go shopping for clothes. Shopping is by far my least favorite activity.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am like you, wearing a T-shirt and jeans most of the time. For one, it’s a practical choice of attire – good for relaxing in and when you need to chase after something it won’t get in the way. Wearing a dress, sometimes you don’t know which way it will fly 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Personally, I like to indulge in “retail therapy”. For me, that is just strolling through the aisles to see if there is something I might like to purchase, but only if it’s offered at what I would consider to be a reasonable price. Lately, though, I have found it necessary to curtail this activity, mainly because I don’t need any new clothes, unless those that I own don’t fit me anymore, which happens way more often than I’d like. Bottom line for me, when it comes to clothing, is to just be comfortable, and I wish that included more jeans or pants with belt loops, or even yoga pants, since I don’t like how I look and am therefore not comfortable in anything that highlights my waist as it would also highlight the rolls I have both above and below the waistline. My main new clothes purchases recently were velour sweatsuits, with drawstring or elastic waists, and I can’t wait till temperatures cool off enough to wear them again. Other than that, I have started wearing some of the “business casual” clothes I bought when I started working again five years ago, after five years of being a SAHM, just to get some wear out of them while they still fit. I got rid of all my work dresses, and especially of my few remaining business suits, when I became a SAHM, and was very very happy to do so. Amazingly, I have found that business suits, though they may have pants instead of skirts and, if the latter, may be worn without hose, are still required for professional women, at least when they interview. I suppose the same is true for men. But…I myself may never wear makeup again!🎉🙌🎆

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on A Momma's View and commented:

    Outer layers seem to be incredibly important to a lot of people. While I of course too would like to look my best at all times, I do feel that, unfortunately, often it’s not about who you are and how you treat people, what you have in your mind and in your heart. It’s not about your qualifications but rather about how you present yourself. And often those layers can mess with you. They can paint a wrong picture of who you truly are.

    I’d love to share one of my posts from last year about some thoughts in this direction as a Blast From The Past today. I hope you like it…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s