Share Your World – 2016: Week 41

This is our last week in Cee’s Share Your World Challenge to explore the questions that are from kids.  The Happy Quitter wrote Cee and told her about the workshop she does for neighborhood kids and that some of the kids had some suggestions for the Share your World challenge. So let’s see what they asked this week:

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes I do. I believe in attraction at first sight. But I also believe that love at first sight only happens when the time is right. What is love at first sight all about though, really? It’s the attraction of the outside of a person as you have no other information of this person at this point. It’s all superficial and yet it’s so important. You can’t fall in love with someone you are not attracted to. Don’t get me wrong! I know that you can fall in love with someone you did not like at first or with someone you would have not turned your head around for before you had a conversation with or got to know him or her better. At one point attraction needs to happen. You can see someone from far and fall head over heel for that person to only realize that you can’t stand that person when you actually meet him or her. The attraction has not happened. You can also see someone and there is just nothing. Nothing at all. You can even meet someone and nothing clicks only to then later on hit you right in the heart and you just connect. Believe me, I know. It’s my story. You just simply can’t force it. You can’t force attraction to happen, you can’t force the clicking to happen. You can force many things but a real connection happens or it doesn’t. Everything else is just pretending.

From then, when it clicked forward love is like a plant. It will grow and change shape over time but you need to take care of it, if you look after it the right way it will grow strong and beautiful with solid roots.

Actually I read a very interesting take on it (by Dr. Jed Diamond) only this morning on David Wolfe’s blog.  It’s about the different stages we go through.

I agree, we all go through different stages in our relationship. Some are easier others not so much. The easiest is the beginning as everything is so new, we cut each other slack and we most probably don’t really see the real personality of each other just yet. We both still try hard to give our very best. Then slowly we fall into a routine. In a routine that allows us to be ourselves as well and we feel so comfortable in our relationship that we let our guard down and allow ourselves to just be us. Often this gets seen as no longer trying. Which is probably right. It’s a little bit like putting makeup on, you know. We suddenly feel comfortable not wearing makeup anymore. If you’ve only seen someone with full on makeup you will need to get used to the unpainted face first. And it’s the same with the relationship. At least I think so. It might throw us off for a moment but it’s that phase that is the one which makes or breaks a couple. Are you willing to accept the other person for who they are? Do you really love the person for who he or she is or do you love an image of this person? Once you get over this phase and made the decision things fall even more in place. It’s kind of along the line of what was said in the article I read, but see for yourselves:

5 Stages Of A Relationship

#1 – Falling In Love

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During this stage, Dr. Diamond says partners project their hopes and dreams onto one another. Each believes the other is their ideal mate who will provide them with lifelong pleasure and companionship.

Hormones like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin go wild during this stage, adding to the feeling of warmth and – well, love.

Sounds pretty blissful, right? Well don’t get too dreamy; according to Dr. Diamond, the ‘falling in love’ stage is a trick of nature to “get humans to pick a mate so that our species carries on.”

#2 – Becoming Partners

In this stage, couples move past the ‘infatuation’ characteristic of stage #1. They experience less of a hormonal cocktail and more of a close, practical bond. Stage #2 is also when couples begin to build a life together. They have kids, buy a home, line it with a white picket fence, etc.

In other words, they become one and the relationship is filled with appreciation and security. Most couples would be happy at this stage forever. But alas…

#3 – Disillusionment

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As Dr. Diamond puts it, for many relationships stage #3 is “the beginning of the end.” Everything seems to go wrong. Partners begin to feel less secure and under-appreciated. All the illusions of perfection have worn away.

Most couples reach this stage and assume it’s abnormal. They assume they made the wrong decision in building a life with each other. That’s why most couples get stuck here. Instead of seeing stage #3 as an opportunity to grow further, they decide to either tolerate mediocrity or call quits.

The problem is, though, you will always end up at stage #3. Dr. Diamond himself went through 2 marriages before realizing stage #3 wasn’t the time to quit.

During his 3rd marriage, he called upon the old adage, “When you’re going through hell, don’t stop.”

People who keep pushing through this stage, in Dr. Diamond’s words, “have an opportunity to become more loving” and appreciative of their partner, not the projections placed on them in prior stages.

In other words, when you find yourself at stage #3, Dr. Diamond recommends pushing forward. Couples who do will find themselves in…

#4 – Real Love

Couples who work through the problems that arise in stage 3 learn a whole lot about themselves, both as a couple and individually. Dr. Diamond says this is when people begin to see a link between their past and the way they act towards their partner.

At this point, partners begin to help one another heal wounds. The love they thought had vanished returns, this time with maturity and a satisfyingly deep understanding of one another.

#5 – Combining Forces To Change The World

Love

There’s nothing wrong with staying at stage #4. In fact, that’s where most couples who push past stage #3 remain. But couples who make it to stage #5 begin to see their love affect not just their life but the lives of everyone around them.

They may choose to write together, as Dr. Diamond and his wife are doing, or participate in community service. They might even choose to start a charity or scholarship fund.

Whatever they do, this stage is the ultimate culmination of several decades spent growing, both individually and together.

But now back to Cee’s challenge:

Your first car?
Was a dark blue Subary Legacy. Loved it. Still think Subaru is a fantastic brand.

Who taught you to ride a bike? How did it go?
It was my Dad, that much I know. But I have no clue to be honest how long it took, how often I fell and how it really happened. But I was suddenly able to ride a bike and can still do it.

bike ride

Ugly and rich or beautiful and poor?
Beautiful and poor. Funny enough I have not applied “ugly” or “beautiful” to look when I read this question but rather to character traits… That’s why the answer was easy. Look-wise I’d go for the same…

What was the first dish you could cook?
Spaghetti with meatballs. Made the sauce, cooked the spaghettis and helped with the meatballs…

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? 
As always for may family and friends. Read here what I’m specifically grateful for this week here.

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5 thoughts on “Share Your World – 2016: Week 41

  1. I loved your answer to number one. I got to stage three with my wife and she decided it wasn’t worth it. I am still sad about that because with me it was love at first sight and that is not something you just get over.

    Liked by 2 people

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