Faking It

My Dad always spoke of moss as fresh and bright green. You might wonder what that might have to do with faking it. Well, I see honesty as fresh and bright. Like a fresh and bright green patch of clean moss. Why I have this picture I’m not sure. But it’s stuck in my head. So faking it and honesty are related to each other.

Faking it. It’s one of the things we most likely have experiences often in our life. Either from our own behavior or from a reaction of people surrounding us. As much as I’d love to live an entirely honest life, I often get in the situation where I have to choose between being brutally honest and simply faking it. And as fake as it is and as dishonest as it might seem at first glance, sometimes it’s the one thing that keeps everything together.

Hands to your heart: Can you honestly say that you have never faked it? I for sure can’t.

Sometimes you clearly have to put a fake smile on your face. In your job, in school, in a relationship, in a friendship. Sometimes it’s about protecting yourself and sometimes it’s about protecting others.

We fake it in our job when we pretend that we are on top of everything but clearly feel like drowning because we don’t really have the solution (yet) to the issue we are supposed to solve. Our confidence might be low and so all we can do is pretend that we have it all together. I believe that so many big achievers out there actually do exactly that. I believe that most of the time they fake it. They pretend to know, they pretend to have the solution, they pretend to have to confidence, they pretend to have the energy. And by doing exactly that they actually gain momentum and they catapult themselves in the position where they actually do solve it, where they do have the solution, where they do find the way, where they do gain the energy and because of that their confidence grows.

We fake it in our relationship. When we have an issue with something but feel it’s not important enough to bring it up. We fake it even when having sex just to please our partner, to not disappoint our partner. To make them happy. We brush over things that bother us because we don’t want to bother our partner. And sometimes things solve themselves, sometimes they don’t and then suddenly stick to us. From then on it becomes more and more difficult to deal with it. While in a job faking it can go both ways, where it can lead you to success while it can also lead you to failure, I feel that in regards to your relationship it will most likely lead you into issues.

I regard my relationship with my husband as my save haven. It’s the one “place” where I can be myself, where I can be honest, where I feel I’m not judged. It’s where I feel free and light and where I feel I can take off all my masks. And yet there are moments where faking it seems the only way to go. It’s when things get so heavy that I fear I pull him down with me. It’s a moment where I know he needs my encouragement, my confidence. It’s in a moment in which I know that I feel exactly like him but it’s crucial that I step up and fake the confidence in order for him to get back to it. And I know that he does exactly the same for me too. I think the trick is to know when you have to stop faking it and return to being honest and true to your real feelings.

I see my close friends as my support group, as the people that are there for all of us when we need them, the people we can hang out with and be real, be who we are. And yet, sometimes you can’t help faking it there too. When you have issues and you are not ready to talk about it. When you have issues and you feel like you don’t want to bother your friends with it. When you have issues and you know that the problems your friends are facing are so much bigger than yours. You fake it. Your pretend everything is fine, you pretend you are happy and you pretend that everything will be fine. And yet again, at one point you will have to make the decision if you keep faking it or if you are ready to let them in. Because real friends deserve to be let in. Real friends will stick to you, no matter what. Real friends will understand. And most likely even your real friends are faking it at times too.

Faking it when you make love kind of goes the same way. Sometimes you simply can’t do it any differently but if you keep faking it for too long you will create a big issue. It will get to you and it will for sure get to your partner too.

So here is the thing. Faking it kind of belongs to our lives. We do it. In many ways. And it sort of is necessary in some moments and it sort of brings you further. But you need to know when you have to stop faking it. You need to realize when it’s time to get real and face reality. You need to make sure you stay real.

With Christmas around the corner I believe that there is a lot of faking it out there. It’s the time of the year when people are supposed to be jolly and happy and kind. But sometimes that is not easy. Sometimes you simply don’t feel like it. Sometimes you can’t. So you fake it. It keeps the picture clean. I understand how you get there, I understand how you feel. Faking it though is exhausting. It’s hard work to keep the facade up, to keep the picture clean. Don’t burn yourself out. Although you might have to keep faking it for a little while find your moment in which you can let your guard down. Find the person you can do it with. You know who it is. And be real. Be honest. Be you.