The past year has taught me many lessons. One of them was for sure that being myself is what it’s all about. It’s a lesson that not only 2016 has taught me but previous years too. It just took me a while to get there.
I think realizing that you are actually good enough the way you are and that you can build on that to move forward takes time. It takes a lot of time. And while you are learning that lesson there will be plenty of people telling you that you should be different. That you should fit into a niche. A niche that was chosen by them. A niche that suits their ideas, their purposes. When those people are people close to you, people who have had a massive influence on all of your life you listen to them. You trust them.
You trust that they only want the best for you.
The realization that it’s actually not about you but about them is a hard one. A brutal one. But it’s a very valuable one. Because when you realize that it’s not about you but about them you can finally be truthful to yourself. You can make that step out of the circle and watch from the outside. You can observe and you can move on. You can embrace the real you and you can finally start working on the person you want to be.
In a way it’s like discovering your superpower.
I believe that we are all born with certain skills. I have this picture in my mind where we enter the world carrying our “backpack”. And in this backpack we have a certain tool set. This tool set is our very own. It suits our strengths. Those tools are actually our strengths. So we have them with us. We carry them through our life. If we are lucky and we live our true meaning we will use them. We will discover them, take them out when needed and make good use of them. Over the time we live our life we will collect more “tools”, more “items” and will add them to our backpack. You also call it learning.
In this backpack are our superpowers too. The one thing we shine in when doing. The one thing that makes us strong, unbeatable or plain simple amazing.
Now while we can get good use from our tools when we live our true personality, we might not know what to do with them if we live according to someone else’s plans. How could we? They just simply don’t match our true self.
If we get influenced by a manipulator we get pushed into knowing how to use their tools. But we will not learn how to use ours. They simply don’t want us to use our tools. Because they know that we will end up being so much better when falling back on what is in our “backpack” rather then using what they offer us.
Realizing that we are forced to work with tools that don’t match our skill set is crucial. And then it’s even more crucial to act on that realization and remove yourself from an influence that is truly toxic for you.
I’m not saying that it’s simple to make that step and to move on. I think it’s hard. And you will fall back in the patterns you are trained to live by, react by. You will even doubt yourself. You will question if you are right, if that person really was only focused on their life or if they did not still have your happiness in mind. You will give second chances. Over and over again. Because of the person you are. You are a good person. That’s why they can actually manipulate you. And so there you are, the real you, doubting yourself again.
It’s a long path, the path of realizing who you are and gaining the strength to stick to your ground. Although the path is long and maybe even a bit bumpy there is only one decision to take. And once you’ve taken that decision it will change everything. It’s a decision worth making, a path worth taking.