Closed doors are something so intriguing. When you find yourself standing in front of one, ready to knock or ring the doorbell you start wondering what you will see when the door opens. You might imagine how the inside might look like according to the outside. You might imagine how it all presents itself due to knowing the people living behind the door. It’s a picture you draw. It’s a world, a life you imagine, you make up. And it might be far from the reality.
In a way the outside of a house and the door itself is not much different to a mask. A mask we put on. It’s not much different to a person wearing clothes. It gives you an idea of the body but you simply don’t see it until the clothes are off. Same with the house. You only know what it looks inside when you get invited to enter. You are one step closer to the “truth”.
When we close a door, we automatically also close the door to our secrets. Secrets we keep hidden. Little ones or big ones. We all know the saying about what’s going on behind closed doors… It truly is a different world to the one outside.
Outside where we present ourselves flawless, we put up a show. We are on top of things. We are happy, our family is happy and “normal”. Behind closed doors though it might be a completely different story. The secrets you keep from the outside world are real. They are “there”.
The family that seems so happy might just keep it together for the public. While she has an affair, he might secretly dream of having sex with little boys. The kids pretend to not know and deal with the situation by locking themselves into a room, wearing headsets all the time, bullying others in school or taking drugs.
A very extreme example but hey, there are stories like that outside.
We all have our secrets we keep from the world. After all not everyone has to know everything. But there are things that I struggle understanding why there is no coming out. Similar to the example. Knowing of a family with the “issue” of a dad being gay but not wanting to admit it for whatever reasons it actually makes me sad that we feel pressure to keep up a facade that suits nobody but people on the outside. Trying to keep up a masquerade like this will eat you up eventually. It creates issues that suddenly become too big to handle.
And why? Just because we “have to keep up with all the expectations” from outside?
And for what? Just because we can fit an image someone else has from us? Fitting a plan someone else made for us?
An expectation in the end is nothing else but an idea of someone about something. Expecting my children to do something means that I have a plan for them to do something. I want them to do something. Expecting something to turn out in a certain way means I want something to turn out that way.
So if we give into expectations from others we basically give into following their plans, living their dreams. We do what they want us to do.
To get back to my example: The wife knew that her husband is gay but they kept it together. For the kids. I understand. Unfortunately the world is still at a point where people give you a hard time about something like this rather than letting people deal with their own life. It took them forever till they could finally live the life they wanted to. Actually it took them till the kids moved out. He then moved in with his boyfriend and she found a new partner too. Years of pretending. Years of keeping up a mask. Years of closing the door and living your live being almost a lie. Years of teaching the kids that it’s better to lie rather than stick to who you really are and stand up for it.
We can still close our doors and keep secrets hidden. As I said secrets are secrets for a reason and with some people you can’t and don’t want to share everything. And that’s fine. But be careful that you don’t shut yourself out when closing the door, just so you can provide outsiders with a version of you that suits only them.
Don’t lock the door leading to yourself…