What Do We Teach Children?

I’m stunned. To be honest already for weeks. There is this case of a parent of one of the teams my daughter played against recently. And I can’t stop thinking about what he is teaching his daughter. His behavior is already showing in her and it is totally not a behavior you’d like to see in a young girl.

Parenting styles are unique and I really and honestly think that the way other people parent is none of my business. It’s a decision they have to make. But when bad behavior then shows in such an intense way it becomes my business. Because it effects my daughter too. And as a parent I have to step up. I have to show her what the right behavior is. Right?

So in short foul play is not to be supported. You don’t push, kick hit while playing a sport unless it’s kick boxing. Even there you act according to the rules. The role of a parent is to stop unfair behavior and not to encourage it. So if your child commits a foul (I almost said crime…) you just be quiet. If you want to tell someone off then tell your child off after the game. You for sure don’t shout abuse from one side of the pitch, court, mat, pool, arena or you name it to the other coach or team or the ref.

Obviously there are parents out there not seeing it the same way I do. Although it’s totally against the code of conduct of the clubs involved. And there is my role. I have to review a recording of the incident and it makes me mad. Mad because in my official role that oversees kids aged 7 to 11 I have to deal with something like this. It makes me mad to see how rough a girl that age plays and not cares about the other girl being hurt. It makes me mad that the parent on the other side of the pitch uses all sort of abuse and screams it over the head of 18 girls. It makes me mad that his daughter uses the same foul language towards our team and the coach and is getting away with it. And what makes me furious is that I now have to defend our coach because the other hot head filed a complaint against him.

What do we teach our kids? That it’s okay if you make noise, if you are rude and harsh and go against the rules? That it has no consequence for you if you are like that? That the ones that play fair and stick to the rules get in trouble for doing it?

I don’t like it. It’s not a lesson to teach your child. I’m all for standing up for yourself. I’m all for being strong. But there is a difference between being strong and being aggressive. There is a difference between standing up for yourself and being rude.

The one that has to defend himself is now the person who did everything right. Because the other one makes so much noise and intimidates person after person and tires them down so they give in rather than telling him to shut up.

Again: What does this teach our children? To intimidate until you get your way?

I will do everything in my power to make sure my children see the right lesson in this. See that behaving in such a way being rude and harsh is not the right way. But also that you need to stand up for yourself if you someone behaves like this. That you are worth standing up for and that you have to stand up for others if they can’t for themselves.

What we teach our children will stick. And they will mirror our behavior and will live according to the lessons learned… It can be a bad thing. But it for sure can be a good thing too…