Blast From The Past – Bitter Sweet

Do you sometimes wonder as well why some relationships work and others don’t? Why some people who seem to be made for each other just simply don’t click or grow apart? Why others who seem so totally opposite work so well as a couple? Do you sometimes wonder what the magic ingredient is that makes a relationship last for decades? I just recently had a little chat with my daughter about this. At the moment she loves to play getting married with her Barbies (yes, we are still playing Barbie together…) and one day after we finished she looked at me and asked how it’s possible that some people break up why others relationship lasts forever.

It’s hard to answer this. Of course there are some ingredients that need to be there like love, mutual respect and attraction. But what don’t we all start there? So I tried to find the right words to explain that couples all start off more or less with the same things that connect them. But over time things change and that it depends on how they deal with it and how willing they are to grow together. I realized how hard it is to explain it, especially to a girl who so far only knows love for her parents, brother and friends.

I’d like to share a Blast Of The Past with you in regards to this. Some additional thoughts I had in relation to the same subject when I discussed it with my son. And I’d love to hear what your thoughts are…

Recently I had a conversation with my son about love and relationship. I tried to explain to him why some relationships work and why others don’t. But while doing so, I realized that I have no clue. No clue at all. What does it take for a relationship to last? What is the one ingredient that some relationships have and others miss? Why do some relationship last a lifetime and others crash after only a few weeks or months?

Bitter Sweet

I guess if we could single out the reason for a successful relationship so many of us would be happier. It is not that easy. While talking to my son I realized that there is no such thing as a ‘recipe for a long lasting and happy relationships’. Of course there are certain kind of guidelines like mutual respect and conversation and love and attraction. But what really brings two people together and what makes them stay with each other is not as simple. Why do we even feel attracted to someone in the first place?

See, I feel that a relationship is like a huge puzzle. There are a lot of different pieces that need to be put together in order of getting the picture right. If the pieces don’t fit together, we will not be able to finish the puzzle or make it look nice. So maybe in some cases puzzle piece after puzzle piece can be put together and the picture gets bigger and bigger and a lot of time is spent on creating this picture. Until the point where you hit that one piece that does not fit anywhere. And the puzzle can never be finished. Maybe you still try and you try to work on another end of the picture, hoping that somehow it will still turn out right. Or maybe you just now there and then, that it will never work and you decide to stop trying for good.

Love is something really strange. It’s beautiful but strange. It’s bitter sweet on so many levels. And when asked why I knew that ‘Dad’ was the right guy for me, all I could say was, that I just knew. There is no explanation. There was simply the feeling that it would work out. That we are meant for each other. That we will be able to put piece after piece after piece together in our puzzle of life. There was the feeling that this picture of our relationship, of our life would come together and that we will not hit the point where we can not find a piece or where one of them doesn’t match. And it was sweet to know to have that feeling.

I told my son, that I could have been wrong as well. Who really knows? It is a gut feeling after all. Given our history so far, I am pretty sure that we will work just fine for the rest of our life. We’ve been through some bumpy stretches already and came out even stronger than before. Stretches that really do test a relationship. Times that made you feel bitter. And I believe that if you make it through things like this, you managed to pass a huge test.

There are a lot of things I still want to do in my life. Little adventures I want to go on, little discoveries I want to make. and I can’t imagine heading out there without my husband on my side. I know that he will be there for me in the good times and in the bad times. I know that I have his support no matter what. He manages to inspire me and make me a better person, step by step. There is nobody I rather had on my side. I could not picture a better husband, partner, friend or father for my children on my side. And I am thankful for having met him. Knowing all of this is as sweet as it gets.

I am thankful that the first time we actually met was not what left a lasting impression but rather the second time. Obviously we were just not ready for each other then, we needed a little bit longer to shape into the people, who then finally would connect on a very special level.

Love is such an interesting thing. You think you are in love and you might even think that you met the right person. But then your heart gets broken or maybe you break a heart. Because it was not the right person for you. You were not right for each other. It is such a bad feeling and the word ‘bitter’ does actually describe it so well. And while it might look really hard at that moment, another door will open. Another path will be there for you to take and discover and hopefully one day, when you least expect it, you will meet that one person. And then it all will make sense. You will understand why it was not right before. It will be different.

Now how to explain all this to a child… How explain something you can not really explain to a child so it makes sense? Should I try to explain it at all or just have them go out there and discover?

Soon there will be butterflies all over, the longing to see someone, the wondering if that someone feels the same, the hope that this someone does feel the same. The excitement when this person seems to feel the same and then maybe the heartache, the wobbly knees before the first date. That moment right before the first kiss. So many amazing feelings and moments. Life will be good, it will be fun, it will be exciting and sunny and warm. There will be candles and stars. But then, just around the corner the heartache and the tears might linger. This gut wrenching feeling of missing someone so badly. The feeling of being left, of not being enough. The anger. All those ‘why’s’ nobody can really answer. And then the realization that it was just not meant to be. Suddenly the sunny sky turns dark and all you can think of are storm clouds and the cold.

All those bitter sweet moments that make love so special. The bitter sweet feelings that make life exciting. All there waiting for my kids, waiting to be discovered by them. And I will be there too. For them, in case they need me.

8 thoughts on “Blast From The Past – Bitter Sweet

  1. Sometimes I think one of the reasons relationships fail is because the couple grow in different directions, not together. It’s no-one’s fault, just part of human nature. As we get older, we see things differently, we want/expect different things, our interests, habits, even our food tastes change. My first marriage failed because we were two individuals with nothing in common apart from a naive presumption that at our age ( 21!) we should be married. In hindsight, even as friends it would have eventually failed.

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  2. I think, that you did explain it very well to your kids, Sandra. It is about mutual love, respect and attraction. Not all of us know, how to keep it going for life time and it does demand the same from the partner. So we can all be so much in love etc. if the partner doesn’t feel it in the same way, the relation will die.
    As I have viewed many relationships in my time, people begin to perceive each other as a matter of course, the partner will stay there forever. A good relationship needs care, many daily care, to keep growing. When we forget to appreciate each other, the love dies.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When my kids asked me this (oh, so long ago), I asked them why they liked their favorite food, or their favorite toy. It’s much the same thing, people cannot explain *why* they like something, they just do. And sometimes — especially with kids — their favorite isn’t their favorite forever, they move on. It’s the same with relationships. People move on. Sometimes couples move in the same direction, or they move apart. It’s human nature. But everything is temporary… The relationship you’re in now is not the same relationship you were in five years ago — even if it’s with the same person.

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