I didn’t even know that there was a name for this person. For the person I thought loves me so much but had to realize that it was only about that person and nobody else. Then I started blogging. And step by step I started realizing that there was a name, there was a word for the behavior: Narcissism.

I will not give the person the space here but I still want to write about narcissism. About what it can do to you. About the long term effects their influence can have on you.

I was lucky. Lucky to find a good partner. A partner who not only gave me support, not only listened and dealt with my up and downs but also set things right. He told me from the very beginning that it wasn’t me. That there was nothing wrong with me, the things I wanted, dreamed of, wished for or wanted to achieve. He mentioned every now and then that maybe the other person was wrong. Which then got him in trouble. A little bit with me but mainly with that person.

We were strong enough to get through this and I have to say that blogging helped me. Not because I wrote about the insecurities I felt. Or that I thought I wasn’t smart enough for things or good enough for others. But because I read your stories. All the stories bloggers shared about their experience. Their stories about narcissism. And it opened my eyes. I understood that the person was manipulating me. That what was claimed to be done “just for me” was really not about me at all. Little by little I grew again. I let go. Let go of the toxic influence, of the pressure, the pain, the struggle.

It takes a lot to free yourself of the fangs of a narcissist. It’s a struggle. Especially if you grew up with one. Their influence goes deep and you’ve gone through programming. It’s hard to brake lose of those chains, to create new habits. To actually start believing in yourself and your abilities. It takes a massive amount of work to actually understand who you are and what you are capable of.

And it all needs support. Understanding. And Love.

I’m glad. I’m glad I found the right partner. Someone who stuck to me no matter what and believed in me. Someone who saw me for who I really was and wanted the real me. I’m also glad (and that might sound weird) for the experience. It was a lesson. A lesson of how not to treat people and what not to accept. A lesson of love and support, of growth.

All I can say is that no matter what people try to make you believe or tell you to do: Believe in yourself and stick up for yourself. Even if it’s hard. Toxic people come in many shapes and forms and roles. Sometimes they sneak in from the outside, sometimes they are part of the family. No matter who they are: You don’t have to accept them and their treatment. You are worth so much more…

21 thoughts on “Narcissism

  1. Pingback: Narcissism – Philosophy through Photography

  2. I can totally relate, Momma. Younger me has been there. I think what can be confusing, is that we usually imagine narcissists to be people who only care and talk about them. But sometimes they wrap you in a blanket of false attention manipulating you into thinking you are important. But then you sit and look back, and realize it was just a way to turn your whole attention their way, to monopolise you and make them the center of your universe. And when you finally get out of the relationship, you feel stupid for not seeing that you were just a tool to their happiness… Glad you found the right person for you, in the end 🙂

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  3. With many narcissists you don’t realize their narcissistic ways until after they’ve hurt you in some form or another. Then you realize it was all about them from the beginning.

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  4. Any type of “abuse” sets you up for further abuse, unbeknownst to you because it would seem “normal”. Often referred to as a “cycle” or “pattern”.
    Psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists are able to spot us immediately and target us. As if we are marked.
    A very difficult process to undo.
    Congratulations for recognizing, breaking free, and finding someone who cares for you. The hardest part is the deprogramming.

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  5. Thanks for writing this. Father was a narcissist and I thought I was a mess till I got away. It did teach me to run the other way when I saw that behavior in others. I am so glad I didn’t martyr myself to another.

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