“You are in charge of your destiny.” How often do we hear this? So often. It’s out there, everywhere… Honestly: As positive as I intend to be, I call this bullshit.
Bullshit, because it’s simply not true.
There is no way we can be in charge of our destiny. Life throws us curve balls all the time. And it’s not as if we would even see it coming. We simply don’t know. It’s like driving a round and coming around a corner and the road has just disappeared. Or maybe it was evened out. But you have simply no way of knowing.
I love to listen to certain people who were successful and listen how they explain how they did it all right. But to be honest, at some point in their story you will realize that they were simply lucky to have met someone who was able to open a door for them. To have found the right words for someone to actually listen to their ideas. Some tiny little puzzle piece that brought it all together.
So you would think I’m saying that we are doomed. We are lost cases if we don’t have this one moment that turns everything around. Nope… That’s definitely not what I’m saying or thinking. Although sometimes it would be oh so nice to have an excuse for just giving up.
What I believe is, that while life can be a bitch, we are still in charge of how we handle it and how we run with it. We can take the rains and grab them tighter. We can try to steer the wagon in the direction we want it to go. The way we react to situations is in our hands.
Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes not.
As you all know I lost a close friend recently. Life through her curve balls and to be honest, she dealt with it the best she could possible do. And then there is this lady in my team (work) who was just served such a hard challenge. After years of believing and running for what she wanted to achieve she finally got there. Slower than others. But she got there. She got to the top. I followed her, I listened to her live videos on Facebook and I had personal training sessions with her. She is a bloody inspiring woman. She is very different to me but what we have in common is the love for our family.
The last live video she posted I watched was a couple of weeks back and she describes who excited she is to be where she was at that time, enjoying a reward. She described her journey there and how much it meant to her to be able to enjoy this treat with her husband. This was only a couple of weeks ago.
Last weekend her husband had an accident and passed away. Life through a curve-ball… Everything seemed to come together and then, boom, it changed form one moment to the other. So now to all of you out there who do think we are in charge of our destiny: How can you possible be in control of something like this?
Yes, you control how you move on from this.
Yes, you are in control of how you react to the reach out of your network.
Yes, you decide how much help you accept.
Yes, you decide on if you stay in the fog or try to get out…
But you are not in charge of what happens to you.
While all those thoughts went through my mind I scrolled through the different posts on social media and found myself reading comments on a post about someone ranting about a job application. And while I agree that it’s definitely not the right way to apply for a job after the deadline or replying to an invitation for an interview only 4 days after the date of the interview (I agree, it’s stupid), we really don’t know what the reasons were. Who knows what went on in this person’s life. Who knows what they were dealing with.
Maybe I’m just simply too nice. But I like to believe in the good in people. In the innocence. I don’t like to believe that someone is an idiot. I believe that people deserve a chance under normal circumstances (let’s not talk rape or murder…).
Often, when we ride the comfortable waves in our life or the easy bits of our rivers of life, we tend to be a bit strict on things, forgetting how it is when the wave is not carrying us, when the rivers are wild. It takes guts to ride it out. It takes strength to keep your head above water.
I can’t imagine what it would do to me to lose my husband. He is my rock, my best friend, the person who knows me the best. My biggest supporter but also the one that grounds me when I go nuts. He is my lifeline. I don’t know where I would find myself if he wouldn’t be here anymore. So I might forget things. Things I would never forget in a normal routine. I might be beside myself, at least for a moment. No matter how long this moment lasts. Because only I can get myself out of this moment. The length of the moment is something that is depending on us. People might think it’s too long, others might think it’s not long enough.
When we think something is not right, it might not be right for us but for that person it might be just right. And instead of making a decision for someone else and trying to push them into what we thing should be done, we should consider that it might feel so very different for that person at this time. So all you can do is being there.