When Honey Takes You Back

Maybe it was the post of a friend of mine about the loss of her mom. Maybe it was the honey on my toast this morning. Maybe it’s because I know I should continue writing his story but I froze… Whatever it is I can’t help thinking of my dad today.

My dad passed away in a beautiful age of almost 95 a couple of years ago. He suffered from dementia and in a way it robbed him of the last good years of his life. He had a fantastic life. I life definitely worth sharing. Dementia changed him though.

Some might say it was the age. I tell you it wasn’t. And I’m for sure not the right person to even make such a statement. I have not seen my dad in the years dementia struck really. Only at the beginning of it and at the very end. Given as we live in Australia and he was back in Switzerland. It changed him. And yet, it didn’t manage to entirely get to him.

I saw him for just about 2 weeks before he past away. While I was there he suffered from a really bad cold that turned into a chest infection and that took the last strength out of him. To be honest I thought he would pass away on the very first day I saw him again. He looked so bad. It was a brutal moment. Finally have made it over there again, being exhausted from the trip, dealing with all the feelings of being back and then seeing him so unwell. But he somehow “recovered”. I was told he really never made it back to the “strength” he had left before but he at least got to the point where we could interact. And I could tell that he recognized me and my family.

Dementia is brutal. It’s eating away on a person and from the outside you see them disappear. I often wonder how frustrating it must be for someone suffering from it and realizing in the early stages that bits and pieces are simply not connecting anymore. That parts of your memory are suddenly turning into clouds to then only disintegrate into nothing. And yet, when I saw him, I had the intense feeling that there was so much more there. Somewhere in there. Under a big pile of dust or in a big, thick cloud. Not easy for him to access anymore but still sort of trying to get to the surface. And sometimes it felt almost like that moment the sun is peaking through storm clouds for a brief moment. Those memories, the him he used to be, it all came through. Just for a short moment.

So when I sat down for breakfast this morning I felt like a piece of toast and honey. When we were kids my dad used to love to mix honey and butter. He called it “ant cream”… Don’t ask me why… And that mixture had this amazing creamy and sweet taste. When I’m focused I usually take my toast and spread the butter on it and then the honey. This morning though I was in thoughts. And in between putting the kettle on, drinking a glass of water and getting other things ready I mixed butter and honey just like we used to do it with dad… And somehow it tasted so much better then my usual toast with honey on it.

 

Posts I wrote about my dad:

About an ant hill
About not being an empty shell
About his passing
About him
About mountains
About luxury
About my favorite childhood memories
About the wind and stories it carries along

Sunset

 

Revisited – Old Or New

I posted this as a Blast From The Past before but felt so strongly about what I described in the post again that I simply can’t help myself sharing this post one more time. So often we find ourselves torn between the past, the present and the future. While I try to stay in the present, sometimes it needs something or someone to take me back from hanging out in the past or thinking about the future too much…

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Tell Me Something Good #127

Mondays are sneaking up on me recently and my Christmas countdown tells me that there are only 77 days left till then… That means that there are only 83 days left in this year… And here I am thinking 2018 has only just started.

But let’s not focus on the end of the year yet but rather on the beginning of a new week and let’s kick it off on a good note:

It’s easy:

• Mention something that you consider being good in the comments

• Or write a post about it on your blog (please don’t forget the pingback if you do so I don’t miss out and also share the link to it in the comments below). Something good that happened to you recently, or something good you will experience in a little while, or something good you know will happen soon. Something that makes you feel good.

• Share this post and invite your followers as well.

You know it by now! We are not moving any further without a little happy dance. It really doesn’t matter which style of dancing you like. Just do it. Just dance! Enjoy yourself 🙂

chandler bing happy dance GIF

Do another round. Feel it loosen the tension. Do it to put a smile on your face. Do it to relax. Do it to get a break from whatever you are doing. Do it to get your mind off something that bothers you. Or do it to simply get your heart rate up a little.

“Today we decided to take the day off instead of school, work, you name it. We are just about to head out on one of our favorite hikes and spend some quality time together. While I love being at home, it’s good to get out sometimes and just get some perspectives and a day on the beach or hiking will provide it. I love how the kids enjoy going on hikes with us oldies. The talks we have when out and about are always great and simply being outside in the fresh air and sun is simply amazing. While both of them are really active devices are all too present while at home and it’s great to just leave them behind and head out.

Don’t get me wrong, we don’t suffer from a proper device curse where you are unable to talk to your kids or get them off the sofa. Recently I watched a show on TV about families really struggling with their kids’ addiction to games. While I believe that the issues go much deeper and you could get on top of it by ‘simply being a parent’, it was mind blowing to see how switched off those kids were. As if the world around them didn’t exist anymore. So when I watch my teenager and preteen climb over rocks, look for lizards, enjoying the views, smelling the air, chatting along while walking, I can’t help but feeling content and happy.”

Be There

“You are in charge of your destiny.” How often do we hear this? So often. It’s out there, everywhere… Honestly: As positive as I intend to be, I call this bullshit.

Bullshit, because it’s simply not true.

There is no way we can be in charge of our destiny. Life throws us curve balls all the time. And it’s not as if we would even see it coming. We simply don’t know. It’s like driving a round and coming around a corner and the road has just disappeared. Or maybe it was evened out. But you have simply no way of knowing.

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