The past year has taught me many lessons. One of them was for sure that being myself is what it’s all about. It’s a lesson that not only 2016 has taught me but previous years too. It just took me a while to get there.
I think realizing that you are actually good enough the way you are and that you can build on that to move forward takes time. It takes a lot of time. And while you are learning that lesson there will be plenty of people telling you that you should be different. That you should fit into a niche. A niche that was chosen by them. A niche that suits their ideas, their purposes. When those people are people close to you, people who have had a massive influence on all of your life you listen to them. You trust them.
You trust that they only want the best for you.
In the past years my little retrospective on the months that have past was usually done on midnight on New Years Eve. This time thought, I just didn’t want to do it. I wanted to focus forward. I had plans to keep my gaze to the future rather than the past. Or at least just stay in the moment, enjoying the company of my family and celebrating the change of the year.
I had a plan. As so often though, my plan did not really work out.
I simply got overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by all that had happened, all the feelings that were inside of me, well under control for week after week after week.
A wise person once told me that in order for something to return you need to let go first. During our journey of life we will face many situations where we need to make a decision. The decision about hanging on to something or letting it go. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s bloody hard.
Do you think things happen by chance? Or do you believe that everything is meant to be? I often think about it. I often question if everything is meant to be, especially when times are rough. But then I have experienced more than once how things develop “out of the blue”, how the puzzle pieces suddenly fall into place.
It’s cold, everything is covered under a thick layer of snow. The wind is icy, my face feels cold. I’m happy. My Dad is here with me, walking alongside the pony I’m riding. It’s the pony of someone I don’t know but we look after him and I can ride him. I’m not comfortable yet to do it on my own. I’m just about 10. Maybe my Dad is not comfortable to let me ride on my own. Not sure… but he is there with me, holding the pony. And because he knows how much I would love to go faster he starts jogging. And the pony trots. Then my Dad runs faster and the pony starts galloping. I could go on forever like this. I would love to go faster. My Dad in his black winter coat runs as fast as he can for as long as he can. He is in his 60’s. I admire him for doing this. If only he could go faster…