I’m sitting here, fighting back tears. Tears of sadness, anger, frustration. I just finished reading a post. A post of a fellow mother. A post about Orlando, but so much more. A post about her worries for her child. A powerful post of being strong, having faith in life and about fear. Fear because her child is “different”.
Initially I wanted to share the link in my Picks Of The Week tomorrow but it’s one of those posts that is too strong for me to wait. Too many thoughts in my mind at this very moment.
Her child is a rainbow. Her child is born as a girl in the body of a boy. It took me a while to find the right way to explain it. I tried “her son is a boy who wants to be a girl”. But that’s not true. It has nothing to do with what he wants. It has to do with what she is.
Do I have trust issues? It is such a thing with control and trust, isn’t it? On one side you want to trust, blindly, and on the other side you just want to be sure. You want to make sure that nothing happens but where do you step over this line between trust and control?
In front of me is a pile of papers. It’s my novel, lying there and kind of looking real… I am about to take it to a friend of mine who will edit it for me.
It feels real now and overwhelming in a way. I was expecting this day to be the kind of day where I feel I am close to the top of the mountain but honestly, right now, I feel like there is a huge steep wall still ahead of me. So many things still to be done.
And it feels intimidating! Just kind of scary, you know.
As much as I don’t want it to happen those two voices are in my head, whispering doubtful words…
The good old “What if?”…
And I try to convince myself, I try to keep going and not let myself be scared of what is still lying ahead. I try to tell myself, that I will never know if I don’t take that risk… the just keep swimming and move forward no matter what approach. But it seems hard today…
After all, I am too only human 😉
Fears keep us from moving forward and from trying to follow our dreams or make them happen. If you kind of step away and look at yourself and the fear that is holding you back, you might even realise how ridiculous it is.