This is something that truly gets to me, observing some relationships that are no longer relationships. I know it’s really easy to say certain things and have a plan on how to do it if it doesn’t concern you. It’s always different when you are stuck in the situation and even if you try your best to make it as easy on everyone as possible and to still talk about your ex in a respectful, maybe even loving manner, your ex might not do the same thing.
While you will have your reasons to truly dislike and maybe even disrespect your ex, you should never expect your kids to feel the same way. All you do is putting even more pressure on them and unsettle them even more than what has already happened. When love moves out it is usually not a nice thing and often hard to understand for outsiders as I tried to describe in this Blast From The Past a little while ago… I think it’s clear that someone loses here and for sure it’s the children. But I still wonder though, if your kids cannot also gain from a broken relationships too…
The ones of you who have followed me for a while now know that I’m not a very religious person. I do believe but I believe in my way. So it might come as a surprise to you that I use this picture, this quote, this psalm to start my post. Maybe what I have to say from here on will shed some light on the reason why.
I believe that hate is a feeling that you should not allow in your life. Hate is an incredibly strong feeling. As strong as love. I think that you should never allow such a strong feeling for something negative. There’s simply no room for it.
With all that happened over the last 10 days and especially after hearing Antoine Leiris‘ words I thought a lot about “hate” and what it actually means.
He’s right. We should not give the gift of hate. Not in to terrorists, not to bullies, not to ex-partners, not to anybody or anything that we dislike, even if the feeling is very strong. It clouds us. It takes so much away from us. I simply don’t want to let myself sink on a level like this.
We can’t change how others deal with things. We can’t change what they do to us or want to do to us. What we can change is how we deal with it and what we make of it. Here’s a little one of my blasts from the past about this subject.
Although I’ve not officially been invited to participate in this challenge I thought I take the open invite of A Prompt Reply as the perfect push in my butt to participate in this, for me, intriguing challenge. Intriguing because I struggle with the word ‘hate’, with the feeling hate. It’s so strong and final. And if you don’t mind I would rather use ‘dislike’ in this post. I feel that hate uses up so much energy. It destroys so much. It’s not worth to hate. I remember a time when I said to someone really close that I really hate a certain person. The moment I said it I realized, that I actually invested the same amount of strong feeling into hating this person as I do loving someone. And if you dislike someone or something to the point where you would use the word ‘hate’ then you don’t want to invest yourself to such a deep and strong point.
For me I will therefor slightly adjust the rules:
List 10 things you love
List 10 things you dislike
Pass the challenge on to 10 bloggers