I’m watching my kids grow up. Sometimes it feels they have changed over night. Become taller, with a changed shape of their bodies. Suddenly they are not the silly kids but more like goofy teenager or pre-teen. I often wonder where has the time gone. How did we get from breastfeeding to that deep voice in a blink of an eye.
And while I sit here wondering about how fast the time between now and them moving out will pass by I think about parenting. About the changes we have already been through. About the sleepless nights and the many “I wish it would be over finally” thoughts. I think about the moments I felt like I gave up on something, on a part of me for being a parent. If you are a parent, you know what I’m talking about.
I think about the many coffees that got cold, the showers I wanted to take in peace, all the moments I went to the bathroom hoping to have a bit of quiet time only to have one or both of the kids barge in. I think abut all the moments feeling like you are no longer in control of your life but they are. I think about the times I felt my identity was lost, feeling like I was “just a mom”, not my own person any longer. I think about all the moments I felt guilty. Guilty for not playing with them while I was cleaning the house, guilty for not cleaning because I was playing with them. Guilty for being strict and guilty for not being strict. I could go on and on about feeling guilty but it would take over this post…I sit here and think about the thoughts of “what have I given up” but there is one thought that overwrites it: “What have I gained!”
When you are stuck in those difficult moments, sleep deprived, in desperate need of a shower by yourself it’s hard to see what you gain. But then there is so so much. And isn’t parenting about gain and giving?
I figured I share a post about this with you once again as a Blast From The Past. I hope you enjoy and as always wondering what your thoughts are…
We all know that there is this little “war” going on between working moms and SAHMs. Why? Nobody really knows, right? I mean, honestly, why can we not agree on the fact that certain things work for some and other things for others. As simple as that. But we don’t.
For some reason we have to make our lives more complicated in bitching about what the other mother does wrong. It’s how we dress, how often we wash our hair, if we had that manicure or not, what we eat, the sports we do, how we raise our kids and of course if we work or stay at home.
I have my deepest respect for everyone working in the health system. Nurses, paramedics, doctors and so on. Honestly. I think what you do on a daily base is amazing. So please don’t take the following Blast From The Past the wrong way. After all it’s not about all of you but about only a couple. And as we all know, there are “black sheep” everywhere…
It’s been a year since I’ve published the post I’m sharing today as a Blast From The Past. I was tempted to write a new one but I would only repeat myself. Things have not changed other than my little girl is a year older, a year and many centimeters closer to being taller then me. She is even smarter, even prettier and even more amazing than she was a year ago. Words can only come that close to describe what I feel for her, how proud I am of her.
Where did my baby go? The little baby boy I immediately had a deep connection with? I look up and see a wonderful teenage boy. A young man in the making. A young man, a teenage boy I still feel deeply connected to. Somewhere in there, I’m sure, still sits this wonderful little baby boy you were just a couple of years ago. Oh you are still wonderful, don’t get me wrong! You will always be, even when you are a grown up man.
Crazy… if I add the same amount of years to your age now that you already spent on this planet then you actually will be a grown up man…
Time flies. It really does. And I guess you only truly notice when you have kids. Sometimes it’s almost like you walked around the corner and everything is suddenly different. I feel like I could make one step back and peek around that corner and see you there, not able to walk yet, discovering your toys by sticking them in your mouth, rolling around. Falling asleep on my chest or in a very comfortable pose on Dad’s arm. But those times are really over. You no longer fit on this arm and if you would fall asleep on my chest it would probably be pretty uncomfortable.