Just Like Waves…

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My heart is warm. Actually it’s flowing over with love right now, as I watch my daughter sitting in the water, playing with the wet sand, enjoying this beautiful day on the beach. I watch her from a bit further away. Watch how she drops the wet sand on her arm, watching as it drops down into the water while leaving a little trace on her skin.

This beautiful innocence. The content she has with herself and the moment. This living in the moment. It gets to me. It makes me happy, it makes me sentimental.

I watch her look up, smile at me, wave and hear her say “I love you mommy.” I love you too, my baby.

She is no longer a baby though.

There are only 15cm left until she, as well, will be taller than me. Soon she will rock her double digits and given the speed of how the last 10 years passed by she will soon be a grown woman.

I wonder where the content will be then. I wonder if she will keep the living in the moment thing. I wonder if I will be able to go to the beach with her then and if she will sit in the water still and play with the sand. Probably not. It will be different. It always changes.

The moments we cherish the most with our children, when they are babies or toddlers, kids or teenagers, they all change. They change like our worries. People say they grow. The worries. They grow with the children, they change with the changes our children go through. While we worry about them falling over when they do their first steps we worry about so much more when they are teenagers. In the end though it’s a constant taking first steps for them. For all of us. All the time. All those moments we cherish, all those moments we worry, they come and go. Just like waves.

While I sit and watch her, I feel so much love. So much love but at the same time I also feel sad. I know that I can stand, sit or swim in the ocean and feel incredibly light. I know that I enjoy those moments and they are bliss to me. But is it the same my daughter feels now?

Life changes so much when you grow up. This soft self of us grows and gets harder and steadier and more mature. Just like a tree. They are so soft, those little seedlings. You can bend them and you have to be gentle not to break them. Just like children they don’t know any harm. And they grow. And at one point they reach a point where the outer layer is hard. You can no longer bend them but you can’t break them either. While I like the idea of that protecting outer skin I also miss the softness of it. Just like with us adults.

And I wonder when her softness will start to harden.

If only I could make her keep it but also protect her from getting hurt.

While I watch her I know that this moment will soon be a memory. A memory in form of a picture and in form of a feeling. For both of us.

I’m enjoying seeing her grow up but at the same time I so want her to stay this beautiful, innocent, unharmed, happy, light, bright and loving person she is. I know she will keep those features but will she have to build a wall in order to protect them? Will she get hurt because she didn’t manage to grow a thicker skin? Will she be around the right people to support her, protect her, carry her, let her carry herself, let her be who she truly is?

I wish it would be possible to conserve this moment, the feeling she must have right now in a jar, ready for her to take out when she wants more of it in the future and conserve. I wish you could put that feeling into something she could fall back on when she needs it. Something she could take out, open up and refill her soul with it whenever she feels like it. I wish I could turn it into a book that I could give her when I feel she needs it, just like a recipe book. I know though, that it’s not possible.

Just like waves this moment will come and go. Now and in her future.

 

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22 thoughts on “Just Like Waves…

  1. You captured the moment and her innocence so beautifully Sandra. And you expressed what so many of us, me included, feel with our children. The need to protect and nurture while at the same time knowing we inevitably need to loosen the bonds. Yes, the worries definitely get bigger as they grow but so too does the love. That never dies. Beautiful post. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful! I love it!
    If there is one thing that I need to relearn how to do, it is to live in the moment and enjoy things as they happen. Children are the best reminder of this. ❀

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is so beautifully written. If only our innocence could last forever and not be tainted by the world. I firmly believe though, that the characteristics and qualities that she has right now will help her to face and conquer all the things that may come her way. Plus, she’s got a wonderful mother to turn to and to look up to, and that is priceless.

    Like

  4. Amazing post, Momma! I don’t have enough time to read everything I’d like to read these days, but wow, am I glad I clicked on this link… You always send me on thinking journeys with your posts, and this one is no exception.

    As I said in the past, I am not a parent, but I am still a daughter, and what you describe here, about the fear of seing your baby loose this innocence, and joie de vivre, brought me back to a rough memory from a while back.

    In my early thirties, when I was diagnosed with severe depression, my parents threw a family intervention, because I was in a really bad place in my life. I’ll keep the story short, but that is the only time I saw my father crying, and his plead was to get his bubbly little girl back.

    I think what you fear, and what he had to face is one of the cruelest things in life, because there is nothing a parent can do to protect their child from any form of harm, and unfortunately, there’s nothing a child can do to prevent anything bad from happening either…

    I know my father was hurting that night, not for him, but because he wanted me to be well… And I hurt because I didn’t want him to feel guilty for my failures…

    Luckily, time heals a lot of things, and even if innocence can’t last forever, eventually it is replaced by some wisdom. At least, that’s what I hope is happening to me lol

    Thank you for the great post! *Big hugs* from the other end of the world πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh my dear friend, what a beautiful comment! Thank you so much for letting me know. And yes, I feel your father’s pain. And I feel yours. The powerful thing is that we know both sides. We know the feeling of being a child and the feeling of being an adult at this point of our life. Big hugs back to you!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Blog Networking: 3/4/17 | Dream Big, Dream Often

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