I recently commented on a post Berryduchess wrote about unhealthy friendships. There are many unhealthy friendships or relationships as I think you can find all those groups in all areas of life. Work, family, friends. The worse though are toxic people as they combine all those unhealthy sides in my books.They are pure venom.
I find there’s nothing worse than having toxic people in your life. Work, family, friends, no matter where they come from, they shouldn’t be in your life. In some circumstances there’s only little you can do and I guess you just need to “suck it up” and deal with it. Like in your job. Of course you can change job but that’s not always that easy either and why giving up on something you like to do?
Unfortunately there are toxic people in your private life as well. And it’s not always easy to detect them or to admit to yourself that there is someone toxic in your life.
If you are just a little bit like me you will deal with this toxic person for a long time. You will try and cut that person slack. You will find excuses for their behavior and you will accept there excuses although they never really make sense. And each and every time they hurt you again or try to poison your surroundings you will feel like they stabbed you. You will find yourself on your knees not understanding why they would do what they do. You might even ask yourself what you did wrong.
What I understood over the years is, that there is nothing I can do. When you deal with people like this it doesn’t matter what you are saying or doing. They hear and see exactly what they want to hear and see. A friend told me once that people like this will see a white plate as a black plate just because they want the plate to be black. And although the plate is clearly white for you, me and everyone else, for them it will always be a black plate. You will never be able to convince them from the reality because it’s just not what they want to see. It’s not easy to break this pattern, break out of it.
After all you might have a history together. Years of a so called friendship. And they manage to get to you, they manage to make you feel bad and they manage to make you feel like it’s all your fault. They make you feel as if it’s your aim to make them feel bad. I finally learned that I didn’t do anything wrong. That some people are just wired like this. I learned it and still it’s not easy, especially when you can not simply scratch that person from your life. Over the years I managed to filter out my real friends from all the others that I don’t need in my life. I would say that thanks to this the quality of my friends is really high now and I’m thankful for that. I guess it shows who your real friends are. Especially in situations that are not the way everyone wants them to be. Real friends stick to you. Fake ones turn on you or leave you alone even if you are surrounded by a mess.
Although it might feel hard as you probably feel deeply disappointed by that so called “friend” it’s good that they show their real face. It provides you with the chance to decide what you want in your life, who you want to be there, who you want to be close. I don’t want people who might turn on me close to me or my family. I want to keep them as far away as possible. Sometimes you just don’t see their real face though until one of these situations in life comes up that tests everything and everyone.
I’ve been there.
It wasn’t easy. It was hard.
It makes you stronger and it definitely makes you a better person. It’s one of the life lessons we learn that bring us forward if we are open for it. Being stabbed in the back is not a nice feeling, especially when a “friend” was involved. What you can take out of it is that it not necessarily makes you stumble and fall though. You can still continue walking and eventually you will heal. And hopefully you will never make the same mistake and turn your back towards someone you can’t truly trust.
This lesson was good as well as it not only showed me how strong I am and how strong my relationship with my husband is. It also showed me who I can rely on and who was just there for the ride because they could get something out of it. Whatever they were hoping to find. It was also a good lesson in listening to yourself, trusting your gut and not let anything from the outside convince you of the opposite your gut feeling is telling you. And you will have a gut feeling about someone.
Listen to your gut feeling. Stick to who you are and your real friends will stick to you.