About Stealing

How often do you hear someone accusing someone else of stealing their partner? It happens, right? Every time I hear this phrase it makes me think. Just like the other day when I was listening to the radio and the hosts had this discussion about Katie Perry and Taylor Swift and how they were best friends until one stole the boyfriend of the other. To be honest, I don’t even have a clue who did what there and it actually doesn’t really bother me of they get along or not.

But (here it is again): Suddenly so many thoughts started racing through my head.

It all started with the question why a friend would hook up with her friends boyfriend. Very obviously knowing that they’re in a relationship. The word stealing the man actually even came to my mind while my thoughts were playing ping-pong.

Now, I will try to keep this organized here. We all know that thoughts do strange stuff and when they are in full speed sometimes it almost feels like one overlaps the other.

It all went kind of like this:

So Katie steals Taylor’s boyfriend or the other way around. Why would she do that? After all they are all celebrities and it’s all over the media that one is dating the other so you can’t really claim you didn’t know. Well, if you are close friends you know the partner of your friend anyway, so you know anyway… no excuse here. Plus you are friends. Friends! Friends don’t do this to each other. There’s no backstabbing. And getting your friends boyfriend is almost like backstabbing. Isn’t there something like a friend code that states you are not supposed to do that? Why would you do that at all? And wouldn’t it be the same rule for celebrities or us normal people anyway? But then if you really fall hard for someone you can’t really help yourself. Would you thought try to get that person no matter what? Would you try to get together with that person if the relationship would be a happy one? Would you make any advances if you feel like they are totally happy and your friends partner only has eyes for her? And even if you decide to not try to get that person, what if that person falls hard for you too although being in a relationship with the other one? What if you realize that he is not happy? What if you realize that there is some kind of chemistry between you? What if both of you realize that you are actually madly in love with each other? What if you are the right ones for each other? After all love is love and it can hit you when you least expect it. What do you do then?

It kept going on like this for a while. I actually did an extra round around the block on my way home, the radio switched off for a while already, just to get my thoughts slightly under control. I’m a bit weird when I come home and my thoughts are engaged like this. I sort of tend to stick to trying to figure it all out and then appear disinterested in everything else going on at home. So I really wanted to clear it all up a little bit at least. And slowly I managed to split everything up, kind of organizing the different directions this was all doing.

First of all, I believe that a friend should not steal a friends partner. But then I also believe that you can’t steal something that is not really in the possession of someone. We are generously using “mine” and “yours” in relation to relationships. It’s something that gets me thinking about often as well. We do not belong to our partner. Although we are fully in this relationship we are still individuals and just simply ourselves. Our body, our mind is not the property of anyone and it’s the same with our feelings.

And this brings me to the next point. While I do feel it’s not okay to go after the partner of a friend (or anyone for that matter) I do think that things can happen. I do think that you can fall in love with the “wrong” person at the “wrong” time. While it seems to be the wrong time and person it might as well be the perfect person and the right time for you to come together and that’s also why it happens. It takes two sides to start a relationship, stealing only takes one side. Sometimes life brings us together in the weirdest moments.

While you can argue that for some it’s more like a trophy hunt, some people get together like this. They think they are in love and they are about to get married. And then the couple decides to do something a bit unusual and organize one big party a month before the wedding date, inviting only their very best friends to party not being married one last time together. And during this party the bride meets one of the grooms best friends for the first time, falls then and there deeply and madly in love with that guy. And so does he with her. Love at first sight, knowing it’s them or nothing at all. Instead of her marrying her groom a month later she gets married to the grooms best friend. They are still happily married now approx 40 years later.

Broken hearts? Yes. But do you really think she should have ignored it because the guy was her grooms best friend? Wouldn’t that be a sacrifice that would never pay off? A sacrifice which would always hang over you like a dark cloud? Something that might potentially break the marriage anyway? Should you jump into and out of a relationship like this the way you would in another case? No. It definitely needs a little bit more thinking. In the end you hurt someone that is important to you too. You might break up with a friend or partner that you will miss in your life too. So it all needs to be weighed in.

In the end takes two knowing that what they do will have a certain result. It takes two to be willing to make that step. And if those two are right for each other and it’s not just about sexual attraction but something deeper then I strongly believe you have to follow your heart. Although it might lead to you and your friend getting hurt. But in the end all of you should see that it was for the better. Easy to say? Most likely.

Love and life are some crazy things. Adventures you never really get to understand and figure out what might lurk behind the next corner.