The Holidays are here. It’s a busy time. And a time of reflection. Maybe more than ever I wonder who real people truly are, especially now. How much is just a mask, just an act. Let’s face it. This time of the year is supposed to be the happy time. We are supposed to be cheerful and motivated. But the reality is often a different one…
For so many this time of the year is hard. They struggle. They are exhausted from life, from their struggles and most likely also from trying to act as if nothing is wrong. Maybe they even try to reach out, try to make you understand that they don’t feel their best. But it is lost. Lost in the business of this time.
I sure hope all of you are fine. I hope that you are happy at this time and that you can enjoy the holidays. That your reflections will be good ones, the kind of thoughts that will make you grow. I hope you will spend the next couple of days with people you love, people who love you and understand you. I hope that you will reach out to people close to you if you ever struggle but also be there for people when they do and see, hear or feel the little signs.
Most of all I hope you don’t have to fake it. And I’d like to share some thoughts about faking it in the form of a Blast From The Past now. But before I do:
Happy Holidays to all of you 🙂
My Dad always spoke of moss as fresh and bright green. You might wonder what that might have to do with faking it. Well, I see honesty as fresh and bright. Like a fresh and bright green patch of clean moss. Why I have this picture I’m not sure. But it’s stuck in my head. So faking it and honesty are related to each other.
Faking it. It’s one of the things we most likely have experiences often in our life. Either from our own behavior or from a reaction of people surrounding us. As much as I’d love to live an entirely honest life, I often get in the situation where I have to choose between being brutally honest and simply faking it. And as fake as it is and as dishonest as it might seem at first glance, sometimes it’s the one thing that keeps everything together.
Hands to your heart: Can you honestly say that you have never faked it? I for sure can’t.
Sometimes you clearly have to put a fake smile on your face. In your job, in school, in a relationship, in a friendship. Sometimes it’s about protecting yourself and sometimes it’s about protecting others.
We fake it in our job when we pretend that we are on top of everything but clearly feel like drowning because we don’t really have the solution (yet) to the issue we are supposed to solve. Our confidence might be low and so all we can do is pretend that we have it all together. I believe that so many big achievers out there actually do exactly that. I believe that most of the time they fake it. They pretend to know, they pretend to have the solution, they pretend to have to confidence, they pretend to have the energy. And by doing exactly that they actually gain momentum and they catapult themselves in the position where they actually do solve it, where they do have the solution, where they do find the way, where they do gain the energy and because of that their confidence grows.
We fake it in our relationship. When we have an issue with something but feel it’s not important enough to bring it up. We fake it even when having sex just to please our partner, to not disappoint our partner. To make them happy. We brush over things that bother us because we don’t want to bother our partner. And sometimes things solve themselves, sometimes they don’t and then suddenly stick to us. From then on it becomes more and more difficult to deal with it. While in a job faking it can go both ways, where it can lead you to success while it can also lead you to failure, I feel that in regards to your relationship it will most likely lead you into issues.
I regard my relationship with my husband as my save haven. It’s the one “place” where I can be myself, where I can be honest, where I feel I’m not judged. It’s where I feel free and light and where I feel I can take off all my masks. And yet there are moments where faking it seems the only way to go. It’s when things get so heavy that I fear I pull him down with me. It’s a moment where I know he needs my encouragement, my confidence. It’s in a moment in which I know that I feel exactly like him but it’s crucial that I step up and fake the confidence in order for him to get back to it. And I know that he does exactly the same for me too. I think the trick is to know when you have to stop faking it and return to being honest and true to your real feelings.
I see my close friends as my support group, as the people that are there for all of us when we need them, the people we can hang out with and be real, be who we are. And yet, sometimes you can’t help faking it there too. When you have issues and you are not ready to talk about it. When you have issues and you feel like you don’t want to bother your friends with it. When you have issues and you know that the problems your friends are facing are so much bigger than yours. You fake it. Your pretend everything is fine, you pretend you are happy and you pretend that everything will be fine. And yet again, at one point you will have to make the decision if you keep faking it or if you are ready to let them in. Because real friends deserve to be let in. Real friends will stick to you, no matter what. Real friends will understand. And most likely even your real friends are faking it at times too.