Funny how it all comes back up to the surface just because having a conversation with a friend of mine. Because obviously things like this happen. They happen regularly. Which is in itself way too often. And it triggers me just the way it triggered me back then. Not as much for me. Because frankly: Nothing has happened to me and I can simply shake it off. But because of my daughter and what she may but hopefully won’t experience.
And more than ever I know one thing: It’s also my responsibility to make sure it stops happening. I can do my part. By speaking out. Which I did eventually in the below mentioned case. I had a chat with certain people about this man and we did approach it. But also by raising my son right. By making sure he will treat women right. By making sure he understands that this is simply a no go and why. Because I feel that once you understand why, you also understand not to do it. For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about here is the story as a Blast From The Past…
Do I even know where to start? No, I guess I don’t. One of the moms today said to me that she has a stiff neck. She’s feeling the pressure of her life on her shoulders. The stress of her job, dealing with the kids, taking them to activities and being ready for the birthday party of her partner, a man who finally makes her happy after her ex has basically wrecked her trust in relationships.
I saw my friend today. My friend who is fighting for her life while knowing she can’t win. I saw her smile and laugh and have small talk. I saw her leave because she was too exhausted to stay and watch the girls till the end of their game.
Justin Timberlake and Chris Stapleton are singing “Say something” and something about “can’t help myself”, “caught in the middle” and “looking for something I can’t have”, while I read the message of a new found friend of mine who is telling me about the heartache the separation of her parents cause to her. While we don’t share as much just yet, I can feel a frustration with her mother and the sadness she feels for her dad.
And I? I don’t even know where to start. I’m shaken. I haven’t felt like this for a very long time. Can I look my kids in the eyes? What can I tell them?
I don’t know. One in five in Australia. Me too. Words that sound so innocent if you split them up in single words. Together they do not paint a nice picture.
I’m shaken. I feel like my world is out of wack. And that on a Sunday evening. The last day of the week. The day before a new week starts,
I tell myself how lucky I was. All my life. The worst I have experienced was a guy that I crossed path with in a shopping mall who told me that he can smell my p***y and how excited it makes him feel. I think by the time I digested what he said he was long gone. And encounter on a staircase in a shopping mall. Nobody ever touched me. Nobody ever did anything physical to me I didn’t want. So yes, I am a lucky one.
Today a guy I used to work with mistook a innocent “hey how are you” message for an invite to have sex.
“You can’t tell me that there was no sexual thought behind it!”
My thought: What the hell! No!
I discussed it with my hubby. After approx an hour of trying to figure out where I went wrong. My husband told me that it’s not me. It’s the guy. But he also told me that I have to consider who I send messages to… and he said he knows how wrong this sounds. He said he knows, how bad this is.
How bad is this?! Now, seriously! I twist and turn. Turn and twist. What if… What if I would be a guy. What if I would have sent him this message as a guy. Same circumstances. It would have not let to a message inviting me to spend time with him in private having sex with him (or if I “don’t want to eat out just touch a little bit”…).
I see my daughter cuddling with my husband. I watched her play soccer today. The girls are so innocent. They are so raw. There is nothing bad in this world in their books but parents telling them to get off their devices.
I feel sick. Their bubble will burst. It will get burst by some prick who decides that they send a message.
I get a big hug from my teenage boy.
I know his hormones are acting up, he is growing up and, hey, we all know that he sees women in a different way then just being grandmas, mothers or sisters.
How do I go from here? How do we go from here? My husband is a wonderful man and sometimes I feel he gets much more than I do. I know stuff like this hurts him as much as it does me. And I know he has my back in any way possible. It’s not about me, though. It’s about our children. Sometimes I feel I’m too innocent, too stupid, too good for this world. Sometimes I feel I need to get tough. Hard. Negative. Lock it all out. For the kids. Show them, how to protect themselves. Just like a quarantine. Shut it all out. Get rid of the nasty germs.
In a way I feel like I let everyone down. Everyone. My family, my friends. People I want to be strong for. How can I teach my son to be a better man? How can I teach my daughter to stand up and say: NOT ME!
How can I make them understand that it doesn’t matter if a girl or a guy kicks a soccer ball, hits a tennis ball, runs a marathon or sends a “how are you” message. There is nothing sexual behind it. And even if I teach them right, how can I protect them from all the jerks out there, with their f***ing dirty fantasy, thinking they have the right to even mention their dirty thoughts?
Deflated. I guess that’s the word that describes the way I feel best. Deflated and disappointed in this world. In people. While trying to hang on to this little voice inside of me desperately trying to tell me that there is good in people. That people are nice and kind and good. The voice telling me to trust in my gut while my brain is telling me “your gut told you to ask the guy if he is okay…”
I don’t want my kids to have a negative attitude. I want them to see the bright side of everything. I don’t want them to second guess every innocent question or answer they send out. Not as a text message or in words. I don’t want my daughter to stand in front of the mirror wondering if her shorts are too short and the if her smile is too inviting. I don’t want my son to think a message of a girl automatically means she wants to get physical.
Where did the innocence go? I mean, have we really lost all of it? Do we really have to super explain every single tiny little shit? I try to find a positive twist to this post but I seriously struggle. And while I struggle I can feel how angry I get. Angry to give this to the idiot guy who thought he can get in my pants. I give him my confidence. And while I type this it’s like being back in the ice bucket challenge.
I give him my confidence…
And I can feel how everything inside of me screams no. No. No! I will not give him that. It took me years to get here. Took me years to feel the confidence I have found. It almost cost me my relationship. And this jerk doesn’t deserve to take this form me. He is married. He has a certain position. He is not taking anything from me. Especially not my confidence. And not my belief in the good in people. He will not take this from me. I can take so much more form him if I want to. The power is in my hand.
Crazy… the power man can have. And please, don’t get me wrong, all you guys out there. All you good guys, looking after your moms, your wives (hopefully one wife), sisters and daughters. There are plenty of men who build women up. As much as we build men up. But the ones that don’t unfortunately still have such a crazy sick power over us. And it’s because they get to us in a very hurtful way. Mentally or physically.
It has to stop. We have the responsibility to not only protect our daughters but to raise strong women and we have to responsibility to raise good men…